This is issue nine, hopefully coming out a lot smoother than issue
eight.
=) And yes, The Reality will be picked up again at a later date, and is
not a
dropped plot. Anyways, onwards!
Beeeeeeeg issue. Looooong issue. Sooooooooorrry. =)
Thanks again for the reviews guys:
Pam VanMuijen
Jamas Enright
Abhay Khosla
Ian Porell
=========================================================================
DERELICT Press Presents
The ninth issue of
/~~\/~~\ {] /~~\ (^^^ || ***** /~~\
/ /\/\ \ [) ~\__ (^^ || ,' ~\__
/__/ \__\ (} \__/ ( || ', \__/
" Rough Landing "
A psuedo-Acraphobe title
._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._.
Two flight.thingees and a helicopter lie broken on the ground,
smoke rising from their metal corpses. Around them battle many figures,
each discernible as one of the Misfits or those who have stolen the
LNH flight.thingee. The man in the black trenchcoat stands in the
foreground, back to the readers, watching.
)()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()
It all began when the helicopter started shooting at the stolen
flight.thingee, and thieves who took it. Well, actually it all started
about half a century ago when... nevermind. Paytan, pilot and one of the
three LNHers currently on the scene most emphatically did not need any
more bullet holes in the stolen flight.thingee than there already were.
She didn't originally plan on ramming the helicopter with the
flight.thingee. It had started out as more of a "If I charge it, it will
turn and flee" type of idea. Unfortunately the helicopter didn't turn and
flee. It went ballistic.
It's very hard to pilot a flight.thingee when one of its wings
has been shot off. And Paytan, who was having enough trouble flying the
thing with both wings, couldn't veer away in time. Flight.thingee and
helicopter met. Loudly and emphatically.
-=ð=- -=ð=-
The landing went badly.
Engines exploded. Metal ruptured and fused together while smoke
billowed towards the uncaring sky. Savannah screamed. Brittany tried to
keep the stash of jelly beans in the glove compartment from meeting a
horrible melty death while juggling Binky in her other hand. One of the
men in the helicopter bade fond farewell to his earthly form, and Paytan
tried desperately to ignore the twisted whispering creeping through the
cracks in her mind.
The man is dying, Paytan. Do you feel it? Do you see his life
energy drifting from his body like mist off a still pond? Take It. Take
the power. He is dying. The remains of his life energies are drifting
away, wasted. Feed.
" No," whispered Paytan, pulling herself from the pilot's seat,
grabbing Dirmarw, and following Brit and Savannah as they left the
burning flight.thingee in a quick and orderly fashion. Unfortunately a
flight.thingee which had only moments ago been flying well and heading
directly for a helicopter, then falling, then stopping rather abruptly,
and which was now currently on fire, was not very conductive to this
goal. Brit was in the lead, Savannah clinging miserably to her trenchcoat
and following closely behind. Paytan snarled and kicked aside a chunk of
burning metal, trying not to breathe too deeply.
Why not?! screamed the sword. It is a simple task, and you owe
me, do you not? What must I do to make you heed me, fool?! Next time the
demons take you, you will not have me to shield you there -
" Look, we don't have the time. There's villains out there,"
whispered Paytan," Just let me get out of this thing. Damn." Just ahead,
Brit jumped down to the ground, Savannah following directly behind. They
landed in a pile of tangled limbs and trenchcoat. Paytan jumped, landing
off to the side a bit. She turned and glared at them then walked quickly
to a spot a few feet away and took a deep breath. A distance away the
flight.thingee thieves were milling around, but they didn't seem intent
on coming over and saying hi just yet.
Then she sighed, and her shoulders drooped a little. The man in
the helicopter was already dead, his parachuted partner floating to the
ground about a half mile away. She didn't want to drag out his life
energy or whatever the sword wanted, but it wasn't like she could do
anything to save the guy either. And it would shut Dirmarw up for a while
afterwards.
Quickly, whispered the sword. Quickly. Before it's too late. All
you have to do is reach out and grab it...
" Alright, okay, I'm doing it. This isn't going to hurt his soul
any, right? We're just talking discorporation energy, end of life energy
kinda stuff, nothing that would actually mess him up in his next
incarnation or heaven or anything?"
Why should you care? The man shot at you, wanted you dead, and
now you watch over his soul? Phaugh, if I had the power the man's soul
would rot for all eternity. But no, I do not have the power to harm his
soul, and neither do you, yet. Just take it Paytan, it will not hurt
anything, I swear to you.
Paytan nodded grimly, acknowledging the sword, then closed her
eyes and went very, very still. She reached deep inside and centered
herself, felt the distant weakened pulse of her own power swell around
her, and took it in her hands. She willed it into strands, then guided
the strands onto each other, letting them stick to each other and tangle
until she had something resembling a huge gossamer net. With a quick
toss she sent it drifting towards the burning wreck that had been the
helicopter, towards the body of the man who had fired the shotgun at them
only minutes ago (don't look don't look, it's too late he's dead, there's
nothing you can do) and felt it sweep through the faint mist that rose
from his body. Carefully she drew the net in, the mist swirling and
tossing weakly inside it's glowing confines. She could feel the sword
shivering in the back of her mind, happy.
She could almost see Dirmarw grin as she carefully drew the power
into herself. It rippled through her like fresh water through a
dust-caked pipe, all blue and gold coolness. The cut on her leg filled
and healed, scab falling away and crumbling to dust before her eyes. The
last of the bruises from her encounter with the manga-mech cleared away.
Countless minor bangs and bruises melted away and still there was power,
nestled deep in her gut, somnolent and undrawn now, but when she called
it would rush up, up, and oh the power... She felt wonderful.
-=ð=- -=ð=-
While Paytan was revelling in her first taste of stolen
energy, their original quarry was together and moving as a coherent unit.
The man in the black trenchcoat glided forwards at the center of
the group, eyes surveying the area around them casually, and taking note
of the place where the surviving helicopter pilot had landed. Ahead of
him paced Kid Camouflage and Mr.Exposition, flanked by Dust and Explosion
Boy. Rebecca followed behind, watching over Hooded Ho-od Win Jr. They
moved quickly towrds the three net.heroines and goldfish.
" Our flight.thingee has only recieved light damage from the
helicopter's attacks. With a little fixing we will fly again soon. But to
do that, we must be rid of these net.heroes one way or another. They
won't simply stand around while we repair our airship and fly away. Try
to knock them unconscious without killing any of them - heroes always go
berserk when one of their friends get killed, and I don't need any of you
damaged," instructed the man in the black trenchcoat," Here's what I want
you to do - "
" What, like we can't handle these three wimps ourselves? We're
so stupid we need your instruction?" snapped Dust. The man in the black
trenchcoat looked at her in amusement.
" Alright then child," he replied," I will not interfere for the
entirety of this battle. I leave you to fail or succeed on your own. I
shall be waiting inside our flight.thingee for the outcome. Good Luck."
He turned and walked away, back to where he could fix the JBoNV
flight.thingee.
" Good one, Dust," muttered Kid Camouflage. Dust grumbled back
something unintelligible.
Brit finally spotted the herd of them moving towards her, and
tapped Savannah on the shoulder. They turned to watch the villains
approach.
When the two groups were a few feet from each other, Brit grinned
and waved cheerily.
" Hi! I'm Weirdness Girl, and this," she held out the goldfish
bowl," is Binky. My fried here is Out-of-It Lass. Who are you? Why are
you here? Why did you steal the flight.thingee (do you have any idea what
will happen if we don't get it back soon)? Do you want some jelly beans?
They're kind of melty, but - "
" Enough. Tremble in fear, net.heroes! For what stands before you
is one of the most deadly forces formed in decades! We are THE JUNIOR
BROTHERHOOD OF NET.VILLAINS!!" screamed Mr.Exposition.
" Well, that was imposing," muttered Dust "I'm just shaking in
my boots, I am. Great name, guys." Mr. Exposition glared at her. Brit
raised an eyebrow.
" That's nice. Do you want any jellybeans?"
" Ummm," Mr. Exposition paused to look at her quizzically,"
Oookaaaay." Brit tossed him the jellybeans, which he managed to catch
with a minimum of fumbling. The JBoNV shifted uncomfortably. Weren't
heroes supposed to make speeches, or attack or something? They didn't
normally offer people snacks before fights, did they? "Aren't you
supposed to attack us, or try to stop us or something? I mean, you're
heroes and we're villains, right?"
" Uh-huh."
" And you're coming after us because we stole your
flight.thingee, right?"
" Yup. But it's not ours, really. It's the LNH's. But we need it
back."
" So why aren't we fighting?"
" We can't fight now. I just gave you jelly beans."
Mr.Exposition stopped and looked at her, trying to come up with
some form of reply. Seconds passed in silence. Finally KC got disgusted
enough to give it a try.
" You! Net.heroes! We - "
" Net.heroines," muttered Paytan, wandering up behind Brit and
Savannah. KC glared at her but she didn't notice. Too busy staring off
into space with a half-lopsided grin on her face. Kid Camouflage
continued.
" We are the Junior Brotherhood of Net.Villians - "
" Are you sure?" interrupted Brittany," I mean you look a little
old - "
" AND WE CLAIM this flight.thingee as our own. If the LNH wants
it back they'll have to fight for it! If you do not leave immediately, we
will attack!"
" That wouldn't be nice. And if you did I'd want my jellybeans
back."
" No matter. Attack! Get them!" screamed KC, evidently the
JBoNV leader by lack of any other willing parties. The two groups stood
looking at each other. No one really had much experience in starting
these things off. Vague memories of speeches revealing villanous plans of
world-domination, or equally heroic plans of halting those villanous
plots floated through everyone's head. Unfortunately the Junior
Brotherhood of Net.Villains just wanted the LNHers to leave. The LNHers
wanted their flight.thingee back. It wasn't quite a battle you make grand
speeches out of, wot?
Finally Hooded Ho'od Win Jr. piped up.
" You go first," she said. Brit glared at her.
" No. I want my jellybeans back."
" Can't you guys do anything right?" shouted KC " There are the
net.heroes! Get them!"
" Aren't we supposed to make speeches or something? Plans of
world domination, that sort?" asked Mr.Exposition.
" Do you have any plans of world domination handy?"
" No."
" Then just attack them!"
The two groups continued to stare at each other, Savannah's gaze
boring into Dust like a drill. After another minute of trying madly to
glance away, Dust screamed and threw herself at Savannah, bowling her
over and sending the two rolling to the ground. Brit stepped quickly to
the side, set Binky down behind a piece of wreckage, then whipped out her
two rock-stuffed fish and grinned. The battle had begun.
" Okay," she said," I'm _taking_ my jelly beans back." She dove
for Mr.Exposition, who ran screaming. Savannah was in deep trouble,
quickly discovering that rolling around in her opposition's element of
choice wasn't a good idea. Dust and bits of dirt gummed up her eyes and
poured down her throat and nose, throwing her into paroxysms of coughing.
Dust punched her in the stomach again, and was readying a left hook to
the chin when Paytan slammed a foot into her chest. Dust wheezed and fell
over backward, giving Paytan time to swing Dirmarw back in preparation
for a very nasty slash.
Then Kid Camouflage hurled herself shoulder first into Paytan's
side, sending both of them to the ground. The man in the black
trenchcoat stood near their flight.thingee and watched. If his six
couldn't handle a group of net.heroes half their size, they did not
deserve his help. Then suddenly Explosion Boy was standing beside him.
" Why is The Reality after us?" he asked, glaring. The man in the
black trenchcoat growled. Couldn't this sidekick drop the subject for
just one minute at least? Was the boy fixated? Obsessive?
" Later, boy. Go and help your teamates, before that girl with
the sword decapitates one of them." EB was about to say something else
when he noticed the man in the black trenchcoat was right. The girl with
the sword had managed to slam Kid Camouflage into the side of the LNH
flight.thingee burning KC on the hot metal siding at the cost of
bloodying her own arm. She kicked KC in the gut then turned to finish the
job on Dust. Explosion Boy hadn't quite taken a shine to Dust when they
first met, but that didn't mean she deserved to get near-mortally
wounded. He ran towards Paytan and grabbed her wrist before she could
swing, turning his head slightly so the man in the black trenchcoat
couldn't see his lips move. Paytan bared her teeth at him.
" I'm here trying to find out who killed my friend," he said," So
are my teammates here. Don't hurt them. I'm just pretending to fight,"
whispered Explsosion Boy.
" I'm not," said Paytan, and slammed her elbow into his his
skull. EB dropped like a rock. Then Dust was up again, sending leaves
and bits of dirt flying into the net.heroine's eyes.
-=ð=- -=ð=-
" They're going to DIE when I get my hands on them!" screamed
Fuzzy from the flight.thingee launch bay. California Kid sat beside her,
wincing. Entropy Kid was in the back, saving his one contribution to the
issue until he really needed it. Fuzzy had found the two of them trying
to sneak out the back way to the LNHHQ after she'd gotten Brittany,
Savannah, and Paytan's locations from Fan.Boy. When Faq Boy had found out
where they were going, he'd insisted on coming along too.
So it was when yet another flight.thingee roared away from the
LNHHQ, and into the skies.
-=ð=- -=ð=-
By now Mr.Exposition had made his second circuit around the JBoNV
flight.thingee, followed closely by Brittany (who was gaining on him), in
turn followed by Rebecca and Hooded Ho'od Win Jr. They looked pretty
silly. Brit finally caught up with Mr.Exposition, cracked a fish into
his head and grabbed the jelly beans as they fell to the ground. Then she
spun and confronted Rebecca and Hooded Ho'od Win Jr.
" I'd like you to know that if you _ever_ want any jelly beans
from me ever again, you're going to have to ask _really_ nicely," said
Brit.
HHWJr. looked rather abashed, but Rebecca's response was just a
wee bit stronger. A carmine bolt sent Brit flying into the side of the
JBoNV flight.thingee, impacting solidly onto the metal. It also tore open
one of the fish, sending rocks pinging off the .thingee with it's force.
Brit was understandably woozy after this. Unfortunately for Rebecca,
Dirmarw was not. Back at the Paytan/Dust/Kid Camouflage cluster, the
sword began to _scream_.
PAYTAN!! THEY HAVE A MAGE!! A MAGE, PAYTAN!! We must have her.
GO! Summon demons, get rid of these two, to the mage we must go!! POWER,
Paytan, power at our fingertips, just a few feet away!! Summon the
demons!!
" T'hell with you," muttered Paytan, then gagged as KC's fist
slammed into her stomach. She could barely see what she was doing, what
with the dust gumming up her eyes making them tear so badly that salty
rivulets were draining down her cheeks, let alone get rid of these two
and go after some other nit. And she was _not_ going to summon the
demons.
Behind Paytan, Savannah pushed the unconscious Explosion Boy off
her and sat up, having finally cleared her eyes. The very first thing she
saw was Dust. The girl was sitting only a few feet away, legs stretched
out in front of her, arms supporting the top half of her body as she sat
with her eyes squeezed tightly shut, sun glowing softly throughout her
dust-covered black hair and throwing shadows across her golden skin. Her
clothes were normal for a girl her age, if a bit torn. She was bruised
here and there, probably from the flight.thingee escape chase. As far as
Vannah could tell the girl was a little less than average height, and
about average weight. She looked about fifteen/sixteen. But most of all,
she wasn't paying attention. And for the first time in her life, Savannah
grinned a malicious grin.
A few seconds later Dust was unconscious, victim to something
akin to the Vulcan Death Grip, and Savannah was standing, slowly looking
around for Brit.
A MAGE, PAYTAN!! A MAGE!! screamed the sword. You're not
listening again, aren't you? Well, damn you to hell! Not this time you
little witch!! Not this time!!
Paytan gritted her teeth and tried to ignore the pounding in her
skull. Then a second later she couldn't, as the sword grappled for
control of her body. She could feel it sweeping through her muscles and
bones, oozing through veins and flashing through nerves, alien and cold.
And it was stronger than she was. Just like it did before it began to
blank her mind in the demonlands, or took her over to deal with the
manga-mech. Only those times she had asked it to take over. This it was
doing on it's own. And against her will.
Paytan choked back a scream and threw the sword as far away from
her as she could, scuttling backwards with her arms curling around her
stomach, eyes wide and staring at nothing but empty space. The sword's
point sunk a foot into the dirt, it's hilt gleaming ghostly in the sun.
But distance didn't help, not at all. Kid Camouflage watched in amazement
as her sparring partner screamed and dropped to her knees, beating her
fists against the ground. Then she froze for a second, and as KC watched,
rose eerily to her feet and went to the sword. She didn't walk exactly,
she just... went. She crossed the intervening space like most normal
people do, but she moved _wrongly_ as if something else were in control.
Then she tore the sword from the earth, and pale green lightning swept
back and forth across it's length. She glanced at KC, and something alien
looked out from those eyes.
" I hope you do not wish to stop me, for your sake," said Dirmarw
with Paytan's voice. KC shook her head and stepped back. Net.sidekick
turned villain she might be, but she wasn't stupid.
Paytan/Dirmarw turned and went quickly towards Rebecca, who was
involved with Brittany again. KC turned to grab Dust and follow the eerie
net.heroine lest she attack Rebbeca, only to find that her fellow
net.villain was unconscious, and that the third net.heroine was standing
nearby, looking vaguely off towards Weirdness girl. A second later
Savannah joined Dust in sleepyland, as KC's fist connected solidly with
her skull.
-=ð=- -=ð=-
Rebecca almost didn't get out of the way in time.
The paralyzation bolt shot by her as she hurled herself out of
the way, and slammed into the side of the crashed helicopter where it
disintegrated harmlessly. While Paytan knew barely an iota of Dirmarw's
spell knowledge, she held the power to cast those spells, while the sword
did not. But now Dirmarw was in control, though not entirely, as Paytan
screamed and tore at him from the corner of her mind that he'd shoved her
into, and he was certainly more skilled than the junior sorceress in
front of him. Though it was hard to concentrate when the owner of the
body you were currently occupied was trying to rip your lifeforce to
shreds with what little sorcerous knowledge she had. But the sword just
couldn't pass this oportunity up - a mage, an inexperienced mage, power
just waitng for the taking. All he had to do was get her helpless, then
cast the right spells, and the power would flow into Paytan's body like a
river. It wouldn't be enough for the sword's purposes overall of course,
but it was definitely a step in the right direction.
And if they absolutely ran out of time, he could also go for a
quick sacrifice. It was wasteful, certainly, and they would get less
power than if they used the slower way. But it was better than nothing.
And every bit of power that Dirmarw got brought the sword a step closer
to it's homeland, free and beautiful again.
Brittany on the other hand didn't know about the sword's quest,
and didn't really care at the time anyway. The way she saw it was this:
Paytan is my friend. My friend's piece of weaponry has just taken over
her mind and is trying to kill people. At least I think it's taken over
her mind, as she's gone all wonky and blank, such as most do when their
minds have just been taken over by something. I don't know how she'd feel
about having killed this villain person, but I know for certain she
doesn't like being controlled. Ipso Facto, let's ignore Wonder Sorceress
here, and try to neutralize the sword.
Brit picked herself off the ground, grabbed her remaining stuffed
fish, and strode grandly in between her friend and the girl magician.
Paytan's eyes narrowed, and she lifted the sword and pointed it at Brit.
" You will step aside," she whispered. Brit shook her head and
grinned.
" If you kill me, Paytan will never forgive you."
" Yes she will, over time. She needs me more than she needs you,
false one," whispered the sword through Paytan's voice. Brit frowned.
Behind her Rebecca scrambled to her feet and began to back warily away.
Hooded Ho'od Win Jr. was behind the Junior Brotherhood of Net.Villains
stolen flight.thingee, peering fearfully around a slightly bent wing. Kid
Camouflage was deeply involved in sneaking up behind Paytan with a rock
in her hands.
" That wasn't very nice," said Brit. Paytan remained silent, and
the sword began to glow eerily, still pointed straight at Brit. Kid
Camouflage crept closer, and raised the rock over her head. In the
distance, a flight.thingee roared towards them, engines on overdrive,
Fuzzy at the controls. "You know," said Brit conversationally," I'd duck
if I were you."
Paytan's eyes widened, and she began to turn, but then thought
better of it and ducked with eerie smoothness as the rock careened over
her head. Brit lept forwards and cracked one of her fish into the side of
Paytan's head, sending the possessed net.heroine into an untidy sprawl on
the ground. Brit stood and grabbed KC's hand before the villain could
attack her, shaking it vigourously.
" Thanks for the distraction," said Brit. "If you don't want to
get waylaid by more net.heroes, then you should probably go now." Kid
Camouflage narrowed her eyes.
" Why should you help us? We just knocked out your two friends."
" No you didn't. You knocked out Out-of-It Lass, I knocked out
Paytan. Teamwork. I'm helping becuase I think you guys are nice and don't
really want to hurt anyone, while I'm pretty sure that at least one
person on that flight.thingee about to arrive really wants to hurt
_something_. I'd get out of her way."
KC glared for a second more and nodded slowly.
" Okay, guys. Let's clear out," she said. If this net.heroine was
psycho enough to knock out one of her own team members, who knows what
the folks arriving in the flight.thingee would be like. She didn't want
to find out, especially since the JBoNV hadn't exactly been winning. They
hadn't quite been losing either, but...Oh yeah. She'd forgotten. KC
turned and pointed a finger imposingly at Brit. "This isn't over yet!!
We'll defeat you still, net.heroes!! Just you wait!"
Brit nodded and waved good-bye, then lifted Paytan and threw her
over her shoulder, bringing her carefully over to where Savannah lay.
Rebecca and KC picked up Dust and took her to the JBoNV flight.thingee,
and Explosion Boy stumbled blearily along after them, newly awakened from
his bout of unconsciousness. Paytan still clutched Dirmarw's hilt so
tightly that it wouldn't slip from her grasp. Brit sighed and tried to
pry her friend's fingers apart, but that didn't work either. Then it was
too late, as the third flight.thingee came in for a landing. The JBoNV
were already on the distant horizon.
Brit stood up and dusted herself off as best she could, sweeping
Binky into her arms and waiting for the oncoming storm.
-=ð=- -=ð=-
Explosion Boy lay sprawled in the back of the JBoNV's hard won
flight.thingee. As they'd all tramped in, the man in the black trenchcoat
had looked at them, and said something smug about paying attention to his
strategies next time. EB had wanted to keep bugging him about the guys
with guns who had been trying to kill them all, but he knew what Mr.
Fossavellus would say. Later. Always later. He figured maybe there were
some files at the base he could dig through, and maybe find some info
there.
But right now, strangely enough, he didn't care. Not one bit.
Well, maybe a little, but not enough to matter. One thing kept intruding
on his thoughts. A face. He'd seen her sprawled next to him when he first
awoke, and the first thing he thought was that he'd had a bit too much to
drink at last night's party... then he remembered where he was, and what
he'd been doing, and realized that the vision of beauty that lay
oblivious before him was probably his sword enemy. He didn't care about
that either, though. He was in love. Desperately. Outback Lass, he
thought her name was, something beginning with "O"....He'd have to ask
someone when they got back.
So the LNHverse's newest team of villains flew off into the
sunset, most of them tired, a few carrying secrets, and one at least,
having one of the best days he'd ever had in his life. Flowers, he could
send her flowers. And maybe someone delivered chocolates, too....
-=ð=- -=ð=-
And, back at the LNHHQ, a big wooden crate rested on the front
steps, waiting patiently. It was addressed to one Brittany Reeves, and
little fish had been doodled on the address lable, along with a few
hearts.
The return address was somewhere in Wyoming.
_________________________________________________________________________
Binky, Dirmarw, Dust, Hooded Ho-od Win Jr., Mr.Exposition, Out-of-It
Lass, Perdition, Rebecca, The man in the black trenchcoat/Mr.Fossavellus,
Weirdness Girl, copyright Jennifer Whitson, 1995. Kid Camouflage, and
Explosion boy are pretty much mine, originally Mike Escutia's.
California Kid is Public Domain. Entropy Kid is Public Domain, poor guy.
Fuzzy is Public Domain. Faq Boy is Jamas Enright's, and used with
permission.
NEXT ISSUE:
What's in package? Will Fuzzy kill Brittany? Will Paytan kill
Brittany? Will Paytan kill Dirmarw? Will Brittany kill Dirmarw?
Will Ultimate Ninja kill them all?
Bikes and Battles, our between story arc segue into.. well...
something else. And Cheesecake Eater gets his just desserts.
If there's room. =)
=========================================================================
------
.sig is living in jungle with pack of wolves and refuses to come back.
