Hey again everybody!
This is the first part of a crossover with Kid Kiwi's title, so part
II will be showing up there around next weekend.
Thanks to my reviewers:
H. Jameel al Khafiz
Martin Phipps (for the Roster entries)
Jamas Enright
Ian Porell
Jeff Barnes
Rene Garcia Villareal
Eric Schissel
Jessica Ihimaera-Smiler
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DERELICT Press Presents
The third issue of
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" Flight of the Kiwi, Part I "
A psuedo-Acraphobe title
Dear Aunt Jo and Uncle Bob,
Hi! This is the earliest chance I've had to write, and I'm
really, really sorry I couldn't earlier. Sorry about leaving so abruptly
too, I would of told you but, well, you know how it is... you weren't
home, someone was in danger, we were in another reality, blah blah blah.
Run of the mill stuff. Savannah's fine too. Cousin Yul brought her out of
the coma before we left, and she's improving daily. I bet by the next
time you see her it'll be like nothing ever happened at all. She's
resting right now, and so am I, recovering from this big fi- Oh Yeah! Ha!
Guess what, guess what?
We're superheroes! Real bona fide superheroes, probationary
members of the Legion of Net.Heroes! It's really nifty, we get costumes
and stuff, and wait'll you meet Paytan! She's kinda hard to get to know,
but underneath she's just a big softie, trust me. The three of us even
fought our first villain, this strange mech thing from rec.arts.manga.
Unfortunately we didn't quite win. The mech-controller guy got away, and
his mech exploded and caused massive structural damage to most of the
street. And we didn't even find out why he was there. Oh well, I'm sure
we'll do better next time. How's life back on the farm? Is Aunt Viveka
going to come to the next family reunion? She promised she'd be back from
Europe by then, and since the mailmen can't get near her mailbox to
deliver anything, I can't even send her this nifty damnation type dagger
I picked up for her while we were in that other dimension (Hell's perfect
for Aunt Viveka, she'd just love it there). Well, that's all I've really
got to say right now, so I'll write again soon when more has happened.
Love and Cookies,
Brittany
P.S. I'm including a letter I got from Tim, he said we should get it to
Helga right about now.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Brittany leaned back in her chair with a sigh, flipping her pen
back over her shoulder where it clattered against the wall loudly. She
pushed off against the floor, sending the wheely chair squeeking across
the room towards Binky's altar. The little goldfish burbled away gently
in his bowl while Brit peered in through the side. Then she patted the
bowl gently, adjusted a loose piece of wood on the makeshift
construction underneath him, and moved a piece of laser-scarred rock to
a higher perch. The rock was labelled:
Our first battle
Us vs. a mech thingie
Villains 0
Heroes 0
Which reminded her. Brit rubbed her shoulder ruefully, wincing
when she hit the bruise she'd gotten when the mech had hurled her into
the pavement. Next time, something a little bit higher on the weaponry
scale would be a good thing. She considered swords for a minute, but
decided that anything that sharp and pointy would be too messy in battle.
Anyways, Paytan already had one. Daggers were right out too, they caused
too much blood. Same thing for guns and laser weapons. Which left...hrm.
Brit sat back and considered for a minute, then threw herself out of the
wheely chair and went to work.
-=ð=- -=ð=-
Altaira Dawe was at the lab early this morning where she was
supposed to be working on an advanced chem project for one of her college
professors. In fact, she was messing around with a strange new formula
she'd come up with, one that if studied and analyzed properly, could lead
to one of those superpower serums people always talked about. She'd
already treid one of the test samples on herself. The muscle spasms and
migraines had lasted for five days, but the x-ray vision and flight had
lasted for nine. Just a little more work, a few modifications here and
there, and she'd have power beyond her wildest dreams. Power to help or
harm, to do whatever she wished whenever she wished it. Altaira smiled to
herself, and continued working. There was a polite knock on the door, and
she looked up suspiciously, closing her notebook and walking over to see
who it was.
Outside, a figure in a black trenchcoat, dark sunglasses, a big
hat, and gloves was trying to run inconspicuosly towards the science
building. Luckily for the figure no one was out at this hour of the
morning. It glanced around when it reached the building's set of double
doors, then went in. It pulled a slip of paper with a room number written
on it out of it's pocket and glanced at it. Then it looked up at the
walls and cursed. After a few minutes spent looking doubtfully at a map
of the building the figure was again on it's way, running as silently as
someone in a trenchcoat, hat, and sunglasses could. It reached the
correct hallway, skidding around the corner just in time to see one of
the doors at the far end open. It darted quickly behind a potted plant,
and peered around the corner.
A young college student left the room. He was dressed in jeans
and a T-shirt, and looked for all the world as if he were an average kid.
He glanced casually down the hallway in both directions, then left the
building through the smaller side door at his end of the hallway. The
trenchcoated figure waited for a full minute. When nothing happened it
moved quickly down the hallway and stopped in front of the door.
It opened the door slowly, and peered carefully around the edge
of the doorjamb. Then it cursed, kicked at the door in defeat, and headed
out of the building as quickly as possible. Have to make sure to get to
the next one _sooner_.....
In the now empty room, Alataira's body lay slowly cooling, killed
by a deadly gas created in one of her experiments. Her sightless eyes
glared accusingly at the world around her, one hand reaching out
longingly to the notebook lying on the desk. The fact that the gas's
release was helped by another pair of hands while Altaira was woozy from
a small puff of knockout gas would remain unrevealed to all but Altaira
herself, a nameless young man, and the trenchcoated figure that was even
now finding the next name on the list, trying to find the next victim
before it was too late....
-=ð=- -=ð=-
Ultimate Ninja was sitting at his desk when the door slammed
open, and an angry Fuzzy stormed into the room. Her Ambiguity Field was
wavering in and out, reacting to her anger.
" What," she asked quietly,"is this?" The memo was slammed onto
his desk. UN raised an eyebrow at her.
" It's your newest assignment," he said. "Some of the
probationary LNHers seem to need a lot of instruction. The last time they
fought a villain, it managed to get away and caused massive amounts of
property damage. They need a role model, someone to show them exactly how
this type of thing is done. I think you're the best choice." Fuzzy's
field flared and sections of the desk blurred in and out of focus.
" Can't you give the assignment to one of the other LNHers? There
must be someone else who isn't doing anything right now," said Fuzzy.
Ultimate Ninja frowned.
" I could. But I won't. I've been hearing about your anti-newbie
attitude lately. General complaints, things along those lines. There was
even a rumor recently, something about refusing membership to a
prospective hero? I sincerely hope that's just a rumor. And then that
challenge with Writers Block Woman a few days ago? I think it's time you
took a step back and examined what you're doing to yourself. You weren't
this cold, this sour, when you first joined the LNH. What happened?"
" Nothing," sighed Fuzzy," Never mind. I'll take the assignment."
" Good. If there are any problems, then talk to me. If that's
all, then-"
" Hello? UN?" crackled the intercom. Ultimate Ninja leaned over
and tapped on the two-way button.
" I'm here."
" Oh good, you're there. We're picking up a massive anomaly over
in Iowa. We got a call from a Data.Moines citizen a few minutes ago. He
was screaming something about birds, lots of birds, and then there was a
tremendous crashing sound, as if the roof had just fallen in, and the
line went dead. The LNH satellites are picking up these huge green
patches moving over the countryside. Just thought you should know."
" Thank You. I'll take care of it," said UN, turning off the
intercom and looking back at Fuzzy. " Well, it seems you and your charges
have an assignment. Go find out what's happening in Data.Moines, and stop
whatever villains happen to show up while you're there. You can take one
of the flight.thingees, and report back to me when you return. That is
all."
Fuzzy muttered something inaudible under her breath and walked
slowly to the door, carefully opening and shutting it behind her. She
walked quietly a good ways down the hallway then lashed out angrily at a
random wall, and went off to find the probationary LNHers now under her
charge.
-=ð=- -=ð=-
Paytan limped down the hallway, favoring her left leg a little
where she'd been tagged by some brick shrapnel. She had bruises all the
way up and down her left side from where she'd hit the rubbble pile, and
her entire body was sore to boot. Damn sword. She kicked casually at the
leg of a bench as she passed by it, wincing as her muscles shouted in
protest. If only the thing didn't force her muscles to do things they
weren't made to do, like dodging and jumping around directly after she'd
been slammed into a wall, she wouldn't feel like this the day after. _Of
course_ said a little voice inside her _If you didn't ask Dirmarw to take
over your body when you're too afraid to do anything yourself, you
wouldn't have this problem..._ She sighed and shook her head, then
stopped in front of Brittany's room and took a deep breath. Then she
opened the door.
Brittany was in full costume, and, having wheeled a chair over to
one of her walls, was now standing on it with her head stuck into the
ventilation duct.
" Heeeeeeere squeekums. I've got some nummy cheddar...." she
said, her voice probably echoing over a good part of the LNHHQ through
the air conditioning. Paytan sighed, and leaned against the doorway.
" Get down from there, we've got a mission, Brit.
" Weirdness Girl."
" Brit."
" Weirdne - we've got a what?!"
" A mission. We have to go check out this problem they're having
in Data.Moines. Something about stuff swarming all over the place, and
crap like that. Good news: we get to take a flight.thingee, bad news:
they assigned us a babysitter. Y'know that Fuzzy person we met when we
signed up? Well, she's coming with us. Ultimate Ninja, kind and loving
soul that he is, decided we couldn't be left on our own, lest we cause
more property damage. Bah," Paytan turned away, and started back down the
hallway. " Fuzzy's waiting out in the flight.thingee bay, and she's
really angry. Savannah wouldn't answer her door. C'mon `Weirdness Girl'
lets go round up your cousin."
-=ð=- -=ð=-
Savannah was alone in her room when Brittany and Paytan came in.
She'd been alone the whole day in fact, practicing. She'd told Brit she
was resting so her cousin would leave her alone, but she wasn't
resting, not really.
Most heroes can do really neat things. They can fly. They can
lift entire buildings. They can come out on top of any situation. They've
got good powers, like teleportation and shapechanging. Savannah doesn't.
You see, Out-of-It Lass isn't really an appropriate codename.
She's almost the reverse in fact, so focused that the world just fades
out around her. Which is truthfully a major handicap. It's pretty easy
for villains to capture/hit/ignore somebody who doesn't even know they're
supposed to be fighting someone. And the more she concentrates, the more
she can tell about something, the more she zones out, loses track of
where she is and what's going on around her.
The thing is, it's amazing what you can notice when you look
really closely. And when you've got a superpower on your side. Like when
something's made of glass, instead of the high-density plastic or
plexiglass you'd expect it to be. Little things, like chemical makeup,
and the _exact_ description of the guy that just stole your backpack.
Sherlock Holmes in training. Unfortunately her power had shown up very
recently, and she still had only the faintest of ideas on how to control
it, which meant she was pretty much on the _really focused_ setting until
she got a better handle on things, and thus oblivious.
Which explains why she didn't hear Fuzzy knocking politely, then
pounding on her door. And why Brit had to come in and grab her shoulder
before she noticed she wasn't alone anymore.
" Huh? Oh, hi Brittany. What's going on?" she asked, standing up.
" We've got an assignment," said Paytan. " And a watchdog. I'll
tell you on the way."
" Another mission? Don't we get, well, recovery time or
something?"
" AAAAAAAAaaa! Binky! I'll be back, I'll be back, wait for me!"
shouted Brittany, whirling and rushing out of the door, rebounding off
the wall across the way and continuing swiftly down the hallway. Paytan
watched her go then shrugged and led the way out to the flight.thingee
bay.
-=ð=- -=ð=-
A few minutes later Brittanny ran into the mess hall, where
Cheesecake-Eater Lad was making some... well, some cheesecake. She was
hugging a round fishbowl to her chest, carefully manuevering around
chairs and tables. She finally reached the counter and thunked the
fishbowl down onto it, launching a few drops of water into the air to
land wetly on C-EL. Brit pointed solemnly at the fishbowl, drawing
Cheesecake-Eater's attention to the tiny feeder gold fish inside.
"Hi, Weirdness Girl, do you want some of my cheesecake? I've
discovered this neat new variety - "
"This," said Brit, matter-of-factly,"is Binky." Cheesecake-Eater
stopped and looked at the fish.
"Okay..."
"He's a cosmic power." The fish swam back and forth in the
fishbowl, burbling.
"Um, Brittanny? He's a goldfish."
"I know, but he's in disguise," Brit smiled slyly at him and
winked. "I want you to watch him for a while, okay? We're going out to
save a city or something, and he gets lonely if I'm gone for too long."
C-EL considered that for minute, then decided that he'd seen weirder in
the past, and that this was yet another thing to add to the list.
"Okay. How long will you be gone? Does he like cheescake, or
should I - "
"Oh, he doesn't eat, cosmic powers don't really need to. He just
needs some company sometimes. Just leave him in one of the quieter
corners of the kitchen, and he'll be happy. Thanks!" Brit turned and ran
out of the hall, ricocheting off one of the double doors as she left.
Cheesecake-Eater Lad shrugged, then leaned down and tapped gently on the
wall of the fishbowl. Binky kept burbling. C-EL sighed and moved the
fishbowl behind the blender, where Binky could see what was going on, but
was still out of harm's way should a food fight break out. Then he went
back to work.
-=ð=- -=ð=-
Fuzzy wasn't happy when they all finally got out to the
flight.thingee. Whoa boy, was she not happy.
" I see you've arrived. Finally. What did you do, stop for your
weekly hour of soaps?" she growled at them.
" We were getting Savannah," snarled Paytan as she clambered in
and took a seat at the back, glaring at Fuzzy. Savannah followed her.
Brittany paused at the doorway and peered in inquiringly.
" Sorry. I forgot about Binky," she said," He gets airsick, so I
had to find somebody to watch him for me."
" Your goldfish gets airsick?" Fuzzy raised an eyebrow. Well,
everybody thought she did, but it was pretty hard to tell. Paytan rolled
her eyes and shifted the sword onto her lap, tapping on it's blade.
Brittany sighed.
" He's not a goldfish. He's a cosmic power. And if you've ever
seen an airsick cosmic power, then you _know_ why I left him behind. Does
Kid Kirby get airsick?"
" You should know," muttered Paytan.
" What?"
" You're the one who's his `one true love' and all."
" I'm his one... oh. Pffft. That was just delay tactics. You
knew that."
" And do you think the entire street knew that when you screamed
it out at the top of your lungs?" asked Paytan. Brittany looked
thoughtfully at the wall for a second, then paled.
" Oops."
" Ha! You wanna guess how long it take for the entire city to - "
" BE QUIET! GET IN!" yelled Fuzzy. Paytan glared at her again and
shifted her grip on her sword. Brittany looked at her silently then
hopped in, sliding quickly into the co-pilot's seat.
" So," she said, grinning," how do you fly this thing?"
" You don't fly it. _I_ fly it. We're going to Iowa. Now."
" Pfffft. Spoilsport. Betcha I can get you to let me fly it
before we get there."
" NO!"
" How 'bout just the weapons systems?" Brittany gazed at her
innocently.
" ABSOLUTELY NOT!"
Meanwhile, as the flight.thingee began to glide slowly towards
the outer bay door, a girl in a dark tank top and camouflaged pants
darted from shadows and leaped onboard, clinging to first to the wheel
guards, then climbing inside, carefully wending her way through the
machinery and a loose panel into the cargo area. There she waited, and
smiled to herself.
" ...of the radar then?"
" No! Be quiet."
" Okay, howabout the....
_________________________________________________________________________
Binky, Dirmarw, Out-of-It Lass, Perdition, and Weirdness Girl, are
copyright Jennifer Whitson, 1995. Fuzzy is Public Domain.
Cheesecake-Eater Lad is Public Domain. Ultimate Ninja is wReam's and
used without permission. Sorry! =O
NEXT ISSUE:
The crossover really starts, really. Actually it continues, since
we're technically showing up in Kid Kiwi's title text weekend. Go
read it, it's spiffy! -)
What exactly did Brittany come up with during the first scene?
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P.S. Any particular superhero feel like admitting they live next door to
Brittany? She'd probably be a very interesting neighbor.
------
.sig is living in jungle with pack of wolves and refuses to come back.
