ObNote: I'm posting this from Ian's account again, but I'm still
actually at jwhiston@netvoyage.net.
Woohoo! Barefoot #3 has hit the stands (without the fool copyright
notice, oops) and Misfits is now back on track. (We're on the road again,
on the road again...)
Re: RACCies/ACCies: Newbie Award/Brittany... <blush> Thanks
guys... I'll try my best to live up to 'em. And so will Brittany. =)
Thanks to the reviewers of issue sixteen:
Jamas Enright
Ian Porell
Pam VanMuijen
Carolyn Vaughan
=========================================================================
DERELICT Press Presents
The seventeenth issue of
/~~\/~~\ {] /~~\ (^^^ || ***** /~~\
/ /\/\ \ [) ~\__ (^^ || ,' ~\__
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" Cause and Effect "
A psuedo-Acraphobe title
._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._.'COVER`._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._.
Brittany stands casually center-cover. She is dressed in street
clothes, but for the ever-present trenchoat of clashing colors. She has an
overnight bag thrown over her shoulder, and Binky in her left arm. The
background is a series of dates, beginning at about 300 BC and progressing
forwards, row after row of them extending down the page. Towards the
bottom, the dates have begun to crumble, and fall apart.
)()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()
Paytan stomped downstairs slowly, heading towards the general
direction of the LNHHQ Lobby. Her hair was tied back messily, still
unbrushed and snarled. She wore a pair of loose black jeans and a dark
blue sweatshirt, the tail of her T-shirt peeking out from beneath it.
Dirmarw was held loosely in her left hand, his point bouncing off each
step as she moved forwards. She hated mornings. It was nine a.m. and
she'd been up for two hours already, practicing. Spell this and spell
that, it's nice you got out of hell, but that illusion you were trying
wasn't realistic enough, improve it. Try to float that book, no, not that
way you little fool.
Two hours of mental abuse from Dirmarw was not Paytan's idea of
an ideal way to start her day. She grumbled something incoherent on her
way through the cafeteria, grabbing a jelly donut as she passed the
counter.
" Good Morning Perdition!" called Cheesecake-Eater Lad as she
headed for the door. He looked cheerful. Brittany's war of revenge must
be on temporary hold or something, thought Paytan. She didn't turn back,
only lifting the hand that held the jelly donut and moving it up and down
some semblance of a wave. C-EL waved back, but she didn't see him.
She entered the Lobby a few minutes later, Dirmarw's point
leaving a thin scratch in the tiles behind her which led all the way back
to the fake hardwood flooring in the cafeteria. There was a male
receptionist behind the desk this time, a man with bright red hair and
brown eyes. He smiled at her amiably as she entered.
" Hello, is there anything I can help you with?" he asked. Paytan
looked at him for a minute.
" Where's Kyoko?"
" Her shift isn't until 6pm. Did you want to speak with her?"
" No... No, I guess not. Have you seen Brittany?" asked Paytan.
The secretary, whose name (if the tag was correct) seemed to be Lester
O'Brien, raised an eyebrow.
" And Brittany is...?" he asked. Paytan sighed. The things she
had to go through...
" Weirdness Girl. Look, she's about this high, and she's wearing
this godawful rainbow colored trenchcoat - "
" Oh! She left the building about half an hour ago. Something
about finally reading the manual...?" Lester trailed off. Paytan
considered that for a moment. The manual?
-=ð=- -=ð=-
She was moving at a slightly faster pace when she reached the LNH
parking lot a few minutes later, Dirmarw resting lightly on her shoulder
so he wouldn't make that horrendous screeching noise as she dragged him
across the blacktop. It had taken her a while to figure out what the
receptionist had meant.
Sure enough, she rounded the corner to find Brittany perched
cross-legged on the seat of her hovercycle, its engine humming smoothly,
floating about a foot off the ground. The net.heroine had a massive book
opened in her lap, opened about one fourth of the way through, running
her finger down one of the columns with an intense look on her face.
The gravelly pavement crunched under Paytan's feet as she
approached, betraying her presence. Before she had crossed half the
distance between them Brit had spotted her and begun to wave wildly,
almost loosing her balance and falling off the cycle. Paytan waved back.
" Good Morning!" caroled Brittany when Paytan was within speaking
distance," I thought it would be a good idea if we didn't, you know,
accidentally kick into reverse in the middle of a chase or something, so
I'm translating the manual. Do you know Swahili? Or Pig Latin?"
" No, sorry," said Paytan. She paused for a moment, thinking.
Guess there was no way to avoid it. She took a deep breath,"For getting
Dirmarw back, I... it really helped with - you know. I mean, if I hadn't
had him, even thought he's a total - no, I mean... thanks." Brit glanced
down.
" You're welcome," she said quietly,"I mean, it was my fault he
wasn't masking taped to the ceiling of my room in the first place,
instead of being in a dumpster in the middle of Texas." The conversation
stopped momentarily, Paytan kicking ineffectually at the gravel, Brittany
looking down thoughtfully at the control panel to the hovercycle. Then
Brit looked up again, questioning.
" Paytan, what does Housto.net, Texas, have to do with
Labuhanbajo? Other than cow skulls, I mean," she asked earnestly. Paytan
stared at her blankly for a second. This was not a question she had
expected. So, of course she made the natural reply.
" Brittany, you're insane!"
" Weirdness Girl. Am not."
" I refuse to get into another one of these arguments with
you! Are too."
" Not. You're just trying to cover up the fact that the only
similarity you could find was cow skulls, too. Nyeh," Brit stuck out her
tongue. Paytan threw up one hand in disgust and turned to go back inside.
" Watch out for the crater!" called Brit cheerfully. Paytan
turned back.
" The what!?" she asked. Brit pointed. Off to Paytan's left was a
massive pit in the pavement, smoking quietly. She wondered briefly how
she could have missed it as she came around the corner, even with the
small amount of camouflage provided to it by a few thick bushes. Chunks
of concrete were scattered here and there in the parking lot, a few of
them glowing with a somewhat molten hue. She spun back around to face
Brittany, glaring. The girl smiled sheepishly and held up the manual, as
if in explanation.
" Wrong button."
-=ð=- -=ð=-
Savannah awoke slowly. There was something bright on the other
side of her eyelids - probably the morning sunlight. Her face did feel
warm. And there was a constant sort of ringing noise... just at the edges
of her hearing. She realized what it was a split second later, and
reached up beside her ear, where she'd put the alarm clock last night.
She clicked the alarm button off blindly, then sat up in bed and
stretched. Only four hours of sleep last night. She didn't open her eyes.
She hopped off the bed and took one half-step forwards, lifting
her clothes off the back of her desk chair and dragging the slippers out
from underneath it with her toes. The cloth felt cold and stiff beneath
her hands, and for a moment she considered simply wearing her nightgown
the rest of the day. She wasn't planning on leaving her room, after all,
except for breakfast and lunch. And it wasn't like the cafeteria crew
wouldn't feed her because she was in her nightie.
No, she shouldn't let herself get lazy just because there wasn't
a crisis on hand, she thought, and began slowly to dress. But the fact
remained that she was on the edge of exhaustion. It was getting harder to
get up every morning, and she still had a faint yellow bruise from the
counter she had slammed into, courtesy of Censor Girl. Savannah yawned,
and scratched her head sleepily, pulling a soft, loose T-shirt on over
her head.
But it was worth it. She could feel her control improving. She
was still oblivious, still an incredibly easy target in a fight, but she
was getting better. Still, one could practice too much. She'd kept
drifting off to sleep yesterday, and it had taken her all she had to
finish her normal set of exercises, let alone any new ones. Maybe today
she should relax... go up to the flight.bay and visit Kismet for a while.
Yes, that sounded like a good idea, she thought, and went to make the
bed.
-=ð=- -=ð=-
" - I am not letting you near that thing again until you _read_
the manual!" yelled Paytan as she dragged Brittany into the LNHHQ Lobby.
"You could set off a tac.nuke or something."
" Ahem," said Lester.
" Hey! I didn't set of the explosion intentionally - "
" Exactly."
" What's that supposed to mean?"
" That you have no idea what you're doing when you get into the
driver's seat on that thing!"
" Excuse me," ventured Lester.
" Well, if you must know," said Brittany, drawing herself up," It
was time for the pavement to go. Destiny called, and it's fate was not to
be - "
" Yeah, well, I don't wanna be "destinied" by your hovercycle
because you hit the wrong button okay?!" snarled Paytan, a second before
the entire Lobby was washed out by a white glare of light, a hair-raising
scream echoing through the hallways of the LNHHQ like a banshee. The
light dimmed a second later, revealing Lester, standing up behind the
desk, flare-gun held high.
" Now then," he said calmly, pitching the gun casually into the
desk's bottom right drawer and sitting down," I have a message for
Weirdness Girl."
Brittany and Paytan stared at him.
" Would you like to hear it?" he asked, shuffling some forms
around on the top of the desk and looking at them expectantly.
Brittany and Paytan stared at him.
" Shall I use the flare gun again?"
" Oh no! I would _really_ love to hear the message, mister
receptionist person," bubbled Brittany cheerfully, carefully edging
behind a Lobby chair for protection. Paytan continued to stare.
" It's from someone called Reidecheroffe. Zoey Reidecheroffe,"
began Lester.
" Cousin Zoey!" shouted Brittany, hopping up and down. Paytan
turned and watched her for a moment, then headed determinedly upstairs.
" It's _way_ too early in the morning for this," she muttered.
" Your cousin would like to inform you that, and I quote,"
Lester's voice shifted to a higher pitch, and he adopted an expression of
panic,"`We have a terrible emergency. It's family troubles, and she must
come quickly. Tell her we've _lost_ the Notes of Tim, okay? It's deeply
important, and we've got to find them.' Then she yelled something about
her mother landing in Violet's field, and rutabagas getting eaten if
they aren't stopped. Or something. Then she hung up," finished Lester,
voice returning to a normal pitch. "You got it?"
Brittany slammed into him, grabbing his shoulders with both hands
and leaning in until her face was inches away from his. "THE NOTES OF
TIM!? Are you sure?! Like absotively posolutely most certainly sure
that's what she said?"
" Yes," said Lester," Could you let go of me?"
" AAAAAAAAAA!! By Binky, this is bad! I have to - something must
be - "
" Flare-gun," said Lester. Brittany sprang from the desk in a
shower of forms and hurtled out of the room, swinging around the corner
and thundering upstairs, leaving the Lobby empty but for Lester and
thousand sheets in all the colors of the rainbow, drifting gently to the
floor.
-=ð=- -=ð=-
Paytan heard the swiftly approaching thunder of feet against
stairs just in time, flattening herself against the wall just as Brittany
rounded the stairwell at full speed.
" Brittany, what - " she had time to yell before the net.heroine
had grabbed her arm (without slowing) and dragged her upwards after her.
" Notes of Tim," yelled Brittany," Wyoming! Do you have a change
of clothes packed?"
" Why yes of course, Brit. I always have a spare set packed just
in case you grab me on the stairwell and start screaming in gibberish,"
yelled Paytan. Brittany froze stock-still and Paytan stumbled trying to
do the same, almost falling face-first onto the floor.
" Oh, that's good," said the trenchcoated heroine perkily. Paytan
groaned.
" What the hell is going on!?" she asked.
" Well, first of all,"said Brittany," We're having a family
reunion. Lots of stuff happen during these things, and one of them is
Cousin Tim.
"My Cousin Tim is from the future," she explained," And he's
going to have a little accident about thirteen years after he's going to
be born which will send him hurtling back in time. He can't stop it
permanently, but he can make himself move forwards for short periods of
time. Like family reunions. Only since we've seen him in the past we know
what mistakes he's going to make, so we write it on a piece of paper to
tell him not to do it, and he doesn't, so we never remember him doing it,
because he was already back in time and didn't do it. Only I think
someone _lost_ The Notes of Tim, which means that even though he already
hasn't done it, he won't know not to do it, which would mean that he
wouldn't have done something that he was definitely going to do without
The Notes to tell him not to. Which will cause one of those incredibly
mean little time-warp continuum flares."
" I have no idea what you just said," said Paytan.
" It's okay," smiled Brit," you kinda have to grow up with it to
get the concept. Now c'mon! There's a family reunion waiting for us.
We've gotta save the universe! Or time... or Tim, or something. Let's go
get Savannah."
After another roller-coaster run through the LNHHQ hallways
courtesy of Brittany Reeves, they arrived in front of Savannah's door.
Brittany thumped on it loudly, Paytan leaning against the jamb to catch
her breath. A minute or two passed with Brittany continuously pounding on
the door before it finally swung slowly open to reveal a blurry-eyed
Savannah.
" What do you want?" she asked softly, eyes focusing tightly on
Brit's face. "You're panicked about something."
" The fate of the universe is at stake! Well, maybe not the
universe, but a good chunk of it at least," said Brit," There's kinda
this space-time warp continuum thing and..." she trailed off when she got
a good look at her cousin. "Savannah, how much sleep did you get last
night?"
" Four hours," yawned Savannah.
" And the night before?"
" Three. Just give me a minute to get my costume, and I'll be
right out," she said, turning slowly to go back into her room. Brittany
looked on in consternation for a second, then followed her.
" Hey cuz?"
" Hmmmm?" Savannah had her eyes closed again, moving
sure-footedly towards her closet.
" Look, um... we can't bring Kismet along with us on this one,
er, because we're going to be at my family reunion, and I have a really
big family, and she'll freak. So could you, do you think, um, watch her,
maybe?" asked Brit. Savannah turned around, opening her eyes to stare
steadily at her for a moment. Then she closed them again, sighing.
" Okay. I'll watch her. Good luck," she whispered. Brit grabbed
her shoulders and shook her lightly.
" Good," she said," And now, by order of me, you will go back to
bed and sleep until noon. Remember what I said earlier, about going insane
from sleep deprivation? Well, IT'S TRUE! And if I come back to find out
that the LNH had to subdue my little cousin because she attempted to
take over the world while I was gone, I will sic Binky on you! And boy o
boy, he can be one MEAN cosmic power when he wants to be, if you get my
drift. Okay?"
" Okay," said Savannah, smiling.
" Good," declared Brit," We'll be back in a few days, hold the
fort and all that, blah blah blah, etc. ad infinitum. Good night!" Then
she was out the door. Paytan took a moment to lean in and smile sourly at
Savannah for a moment.
" Bye 'Vannah," she said," Rest well." Savannah waved.
" Paytan! Where are yooooooooooou?" echoed down the hallway, and
the net.heroine turned and exited. Hopefully she'd have time to pack
something before they left.
-=ð=- -=ð=-
Insomnia Boy shook his thermos experimentally, and scowled. Out
of coffee again. The wheely chair squeaked in protest as he threw himself
out of it, to his feet. He paused for a moment to survey the transmatter
controls around him, but everything seemed to be in order. Time enough to
wander down to the cafeteria and tank back up on caffeine-rich liquids.
He brushed back his hair with one had, grabbed his thermos with
the other, and headed towards the door, a second before something big
slammed into it on the other side. The boom echoed throughout the room,
and Insomnia Boy almost dropped his thermos. From outside he could hear
someone cursing quietly. He grabbed the door and swung it open, glaring
downwards at the girl sitting on the ground in front of it wearing a
colorful trenchcoat, rubbing her head.
" You had the door shut," she said accusingly.
" Yes," he replied," I did. Usually you open them before trying
to go through, you know."
" Yeah, well, so I forgot a step, okay?" muttered the girl,
getting slowly to her feet and picking up a goldfish bowl with occupant
in one hand. She stuck out the other one in the general direction of
Insomnia Boy. "I'm Weirdness Girl, and this," she held up the fish bowl,"
is Binky. He's a cosmic power!" Insomnia Boy shook her hand tentatively,
and Weirdness Girl grinned at him. The goldfish burbled at him
acceptingly.
" So, any particular reason why you're trying to knock down the
door?" he asked.
" We need to go to Wyoming," said the net.heroine, just as
another girl rounded the corner with an overnight bag tossed over her
shoulder. The hilt of a sword stuck out of the side of it. Insomnia Boy
gave up any hope of reaching the cafeteria in the next few minutes,
turning and typing in the transmatter code for the state of Wyoming.
" Okay, where in Wyoming?" he asked. Weirdness Girl stuck her
hand behind her into her backpack, and dug around for a minute, coming up
with a seriously abused looking road map of Wyoming. After fiddling with
various permutations of folding it, she stabbed at it with her finger
proudly.
" About a mile south of here," she declared. Insomnia Boy nodded
and typed it in, while the two girls clambered into the transmatter unit.
" Could you pick us up at that exact spot in about two days?" she
asked, and Insomnia Boy nodded.
" Will do," he acknowledged. Then something occurred to him. "Do
you happen to have any coffee on you?" The girl with the sword groaned
and leaned back, closing her eyes. Weirdness Girl got a thoughtful look
on her face, then dug around in her backpack a minute a tossed him a
thermos.
" I mixed it up myself! Keep it!" she called cheerfully, just as
the transmatter kicked into gear, and the two net.heroines disappeared
into a cloud of static. Insomnia Boy considered the thermos warily. It
was covered with little stickers of fish, and was bright pink in color.
He sniffed at it experimentally, then took an experimental sip.
The sugar rush hit him like a brick, knocking him back in his
chair. He waited a moment for his head to clear, then unscrewed the top
to look inside. This stuff was amazing, it was better than coffee, it
was... bright purple with green polka dots?
-=ð=- -=ð=-
" - did you give him?!" finished Paytan, her form coalescing from
a cloud of static, standing with her hands on her hips in the middle of
the cold Wyoming air.
" Just some of my punch. I was bringing it for the reunion, but I
can make more once I get access to the kitchen," said Brit, walking out
of Paytan's field of view. Paytan continued to stand where she was,
breathing in the cold Wyoming air, watching the flatlands before her,
tossed in the chill breeze. They stretched to the horizon and probably
beyond it. Paytan breathed a sigh of relief, and relaxed. No villains
here, no demons. Only the wind, and the plains, and Brittany's psycho
family to deal with. She heard Brittany sigh behind her, and turned
casually to look at her.
And her jaw dropped open. Before her towered two massive
gateposts, more than fifteen feet high and made of red brick. Spanning
the space between them was a gate of corrugated black iron, shining a
dull, rustless, black. Off to either side of the gateposts was more wall,
concrete and brick extending away for what seemed like miles. Over the
top of it one could just barely see the tops of some evergreen trees,
swaying gently in the wind. This did not look like the small farm in
Wyoming she had expected.
While Paytan was rubbernecking, Brittany was walking to the base
of one of the brick columns and grumbling. It looked like the innermost
corner of it had survived a major impact of some sort, with bits of brick
and metal scattered around its base like confetti.
" Well," said Brittany," We're stuck."
" What?"
" Zoey," said Brittany, motioning to the pillar," She must have
slammed into it with her car or something. Took out the intercom anyway,
so there's no way we can tell someone to open the gates." Paytan cocked
her head to one side, readjusting her overnight bag as she did.
" Can't we just climb over the wall or something?" she asked.
Brit glanced upwards, towards the tops of the swaying evergreens, and
shuddered.
" No, not a good idea." She stopped and turned slowly, surveying
the length of the wall. "Are you in good shape? I mean, can you run?" she
asked. Paytan shrugged.
" Yeah, I guess. I mean, I'm not in top condition, but..."
" Then we have only one option left to us," said Brittany
ominously,"We must go through Violet's Field." The wind swept around her
for a moment, rustling her trenchcoat quietly then continuing upwards
over the wall to moan through the evergreens, eerie and alone.
And suddenly Paytan didn't feel so relaxed, after all.
________________________________________________________________________
Binky, Out-of-It Lass, Perdition, Weirdness Girl, copyright Jennifer
Whitson, 1996. Lester O'Brien is Public Domain. Insomnia Boy is Public
Domain.
Next Issue:
Savannah and Kismet pal around back at the homefront, and we get
to find out some nifty stuff about our chick with wings.
We meet some of Brittany's relatives. And find out that yes,
evidently weirdness _is_ an inherited trait.
========================================================================
Descrii@aol.com
"All that which we see or seem
is but a dream within a dream"
-E.A.Poe
