I'm posting this from Ian's account again, but I'm still actually at
jwhiston@netvoyage.net. Happy holidays or non-holidays to everybody out
there! Long live the LNH!
Thanks to the reviewers of issue fifteen:
Jamas Enright
Ian Porell
Pam VanMuijen
H. Jameel al Khafiz
=========================================================================
DERELICT Press Presents
The sixteenth issue of
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" Gifts "
A psuedo-Acraphobe title
._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._.'COVER`._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._.
A large hillock of snow dominates the bottom fourth of this issue's
cover. On top of it sits a fishbowl, with Binky inside it. He faces the
audience, eyes wide, as always, a thin stream of bubbles moving towards
the top of the bowl, as always. He is wearing a santa hat.
)()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()
Kiwis in santa hats terrorized the hallways of the LNHHQ.
Sporadic snowball fights broke out on HQ grounds, and armies of snowmen
marched across the front lawn. Mistletoe was hung over doorways and on
hats, and was even thrown into a revolutionary new cheesecake mix. A
massive Christmas tree was brought (against the laws of physics, it might
be added) into the Lobby, and set to tower over any and all who entered
there. The receptionists started wearing holly hats and big grins. It was
that time of year again.
-=ð=- -=ð=-
Brittany was darting too and fro about her room, wearing a fuzzy
red Santa hat with a fish appliqued onto it. She had retired her hero
costume for the time being, and was wearing a bright red T-shirt with a
big smiley face on it, a pair of pine tree green jeans with orange
patches at the knees, and a deep purple jacket with a line of white
Christmas lights attached to it. Binky's fishbowl had also aquired a
Santa hat at some point, taped securely over the mouth of the bowl. It
had a jingle bell sewn onto the puffy ball at the end, so Brit would
always know where he was.
Beside her door she had a little red wagon, covered with an
orange tablecloth, waiting. Their fight against the JBoNV had been a week
ago, time enough for most of the bruises to heal, and for Kismet's rage
to cool. The winged girl had finally settled on swearing instant death
for Censor Girl the next time she saw her, and left it that. Now all
Brittany had to do was keep the net.villainess and Kismet away from each
other forever. Should be easy.
Savannah's side still hurt in the morning, but she didn't
complain much. Brit sighed. Hopefully her cousin's present would help a
little with that. She carefully lifted Binky off the altar and set him
securely in the back of the red wagon. Well then, time to get to it.
-=ð=- -=ð=-
Savannah was sitting in her room, staring steadily at the boquet
of white roses sitting in a vase on her night table. They were wilting a
little, but she had made very sure to take good care of them. They were
still a beautiful pure white, with only the barest hints of decay rimming
each petal. The stems were a beautiful green, the leaves' little
saw-toothed edges still straight and unharmed by the passage of time. The
veins in the leaves were pretty too, if you watched them long enough,
like living spiderwebs. They were still just as beautiful to her as when
she first saw them.
She still couldn't belive someone had sent her flowers. Her. The
one no one noticed. She closed her eyes, and reached out with one hand to
gently caress one of the roses. Somewhere out there, someone was thinking
about her. Someone willing to send her thirty white roses, when she
didn't even know who they were. Savannah sighed happily and shivered.
Then someone was grabbing her shoulder, shaking her lightly.
Savannah jerked and flushed slightly, opening her eyes slowly to see
Brittany standing before her, smiling merrily. Savannah grinned back,
cursing at herself inside. She should have been listening for the door.
She hated it when people had to walk in on her because she didn't know
they were there.
" Hey Savannah," chirped Brittany.
" Hello," said Savannah, gently setting aside her thoughts of the
secret admirer for later examination. Her cousin grinned again, then
handed her a lumpy package, messily wrapped and tied with a bright red
ribbon.
" Merry Christmas. Or Haunnukah. Or um... whatever," said Brit.
" But I didn't get anything for you!" exclaimed Savannah
guiltily. She turned the package over in her hands, feeling the object
inside squish under pressure, the colorful Happy Birthday wrapping
crinkling loudly.
" S'okay!" said Brit,"Nobody had much time for shopping and
stuff. I myself had to sneak out at midnight, the moon shining eerily
over me as I ran. Only with the blessings of Binky did I return alive to
give you this gift." Savannah looked at her and smiled. Brit grinned
back. "Scout's honor," she said, raising her left hand and crossing her
eyes solemly.
" Okay," said Savannah quietly. "Should I open it now?"
Brittany licked one finger and held it up, testing the wind chill
factor. "Now's a good time," she said. Savannah smiled again and
carefully removed the bow from the package, laying it beside her on the
bed. She considered carefully opening the wrapping too, but upon seeing
Brittany's idea of taping things so they stayed shut, she decided tearing
it open was the best way to go. The paper parted with a ripping sound
underneath her hands, spilling out a fibrous substance onto her lap. It
was a greyish dull fabric, shaped like... a superhero costume?
" Brittany... what?" asked Savannah, running one of the sleeves
across her palm.
" Just watch," said Brit, eyes locked happily onto the costume.
Savannah did as her cousin asked, then drew in a breath as the cloth
changed beneath her hands, from dull gray to pale skin-pink, the left
side of it same blue color as her jeans.
" A camouflaged costume!"
" Real camouflage, too," added Brit," not just patches of green
and stuff. That way you can pitch hooks at villains _without_ them seeing
you."
Savannah smiled and hugged the costume to her chest, then leaned
across the bed and hugged Brittany too. Everyone was giving her things!
And it was Christmas, too. She was so happy!
" Thank you!" she yelled, and one corner of Brit's mouth turned
upwards in an amused grin.
" You're welcome. Merry Christmas, cuz! Binky Bless!" said Brit,
standing up off the bed.
" You're not going to go, are you?" asked Savannah," It's
Christmas day! Shouldn't we be having a party or something?"
" Actually 'Vannah, it's Christmas late afternoon. I have to go
finish delivering my presents to Paytan and Kismet and some other people,
but I'll come back afterwards, okay?" Savannah thought for a moment.
Kismet must be awfully alone in the flight.thingee bay. They had finally
convinced her to move in there, so she wouldn't freeze to death at night
on the roof.
" Now that I think of it," said Savannah," I think I'm going to
go up and see Kismet. She must be lonely up there. Maybe we can sing
Christmas Carols! Can you meet us there?"
" Yuppers! Do you need any help getting up there?" asked Brit.
" No, I'll manage, thanks," said Savannah, standing too.
" Okeydoke! Seeya soon!" grinned Brit, taking a good hold on the
handle to the little red wagon with one hand, clamping her hat down on
her head with the other, and hurtling down the hallway at speeds
previously unobserved in humans.
Savannah smiled and slowly turned to take one last look at the
white roses, then quietly shut the door and headed on her way.
-=ð=- -=ð=-
A few moments later, her hair a little bit windblown, Binky's
fuzzy Santa hat still jingling from the force of their sudden stop,
Brittany stood in front of the door to Paytan's room. She stopped for a
moment, just looking at it, closed and quiet, imagining the empty room
inside. Then she sighed and turned the knob, its metal cold in her hand.
The room was darker than she had thought it would be, the
curtains closed so that only a sliver of late afternoon sun was thrown
across the carpeting. Brittany turned and knelt by her little red wagon
for a moment, pulling a colorfully wrapped paper box from the pile of
stuff she had on it. She turned and set it in the middle of Paytan's
empty, dusty desk, then went back to the doorway.
" Good luck, Paytan," she whispered to the empty room. "Hope you
get back soon." The door shut quietly behind her, leaving the room dark
and empty again.
-=ð=- -=ð=-
Brittany passed through the rest of the LNHHQ rather swiftly,
depositing package after package at the foot of people's doors. Frat Boy
stepped from his room and almost tripped over the pineapple-shaped
package on his doorstep. Self-Righteous Preacher did _not_ appreciate the
goldfish symbol he found hung around his doorknob later that night.
No one was very sure what Ultimate Ninja thought of the fruitcake
left in front of his office. It had a big fish-shaped bow on it, and a
little card that said:
In no way does the name of this
food reflect upon my opinion of your current level
of sanity.
Merry Christmas!
-=ð=- -=ð=-
When Savannah finally did reach the flight.thingee bay, she had
gained a few people along the way. The more the merrier, was her view of
things. She had found Kyoko Ichikawa moping around the front desk, and
Faq Boy in the middle of the hall looking gloomily out of a window. So
one became three, then four when they got out onto the roof proper and
greeted Kismet.
The winged girl greeted them with a joyful smile and a wave,
looking up from the encyclopedia she was reading. She had set up shop in
a corner of the massive flight.thingee bay farthest from the door and
near one of the entries to the control tower. A blanket was spread out
along the ground, along with a few pillows and low table. Kismet herself
looked warm, even though she only had a blanket half wrapped around her
waist.
" Um... season's greetings!" she said. " Was that right?"
" That was great," said Kyoko, smiling. She had a pile of
blankets thrown over her left shoulder, one of which she tossed to
Kismet. "Here, you must be cold. We brought eggnog."
" Eggnog?"
" It's a kind of drink," explained Kyoko, throwing a blanket down
on the floor then sitting down crosslegged on it. Faq Boy sat too,
heaving a deep sigh. Savannah smiled tentatively and threw down a blanket
a little closer to Kismet, who didn't seem to mind.
" We thought you might me lonely up here, so we came to see you,"
she said quietly. Kismet smiled and wrinkled her nose at them.
" You didn't have to do that. It's one of your special holidays
isn't it? I don't even know what's going on."
" Doesn't matter!" said Kyoko, opening one of the eggnog cartons
and pouring drinks for everyone. "Most of the LNH probably isn't even
Christian. I'm not. But the whole season is supposed to be about
friendship, and it's spread beyond religous boundaires."
Kismet didn't understand half of that last bit of explanation,
but she didn't really mind. She was getting used to it. She looked at the
glass of think white-yellow liquid curiously, then took a sip. It was
actually pretty good.
Kyoko grinned at everyone and chugged hers, then poured another.
Faq Boy followed suit, while Savannah sipped hers slowly. They chatted
about little things, and Savannah attempted to explain religon to Kismet,
without much success. They went through two cartons of grocery store
eggnog. And only then did they learn Kyoko had spiked it. The
receptionist grinned at them all.
" Merry Christmas!" She said. Faq Boy looked at her, then looked
at the glass of eggnog in his hand, and gulped it down. Then he poured
another, and started on that one. Savannah looked at hers uncertainly,
then set it gently down on the ground beside her. She did feel very...
blurry. Hmmmm. She laughed quietly. The door to the flight.thingee bay
creaked open then, and Kid Kiwi wandered in.
Tad looked half awake and kind of out of it, with a thick white
bandage wrapped around his shoulder. He was wearing fuzzy pale blue
pajamas, the kind that had feet on them so you didn't have to put socks
or slippers on. It was covered with tiny green stylized kiwis. He saw
what they were drinking and his eyes lit up.
" You have eggnog!" he exclaimed," Cool!" Before they could say
anything he had a glassful of it in his hand, drinking it as he walked
out. "Merry Christmas!" he called, before disappearing around the door.
" Poor boy," said Faq Boy. Kyoko and Savannah looked guilty.
Then he gulped down more of his eggnog. Time passed, and another carton
was opened. Kismet abstained along with Savannah, unsure of the effect
this 'al-ko-haul' would have on her system. Kyoko drank a respectable
amount, but not enough to get herself roaring drunk. Faq Boy, rather like
what his counterpart Fan.Boy was doing down in the cafeteria, sucked it
up like a sponge. More time passed.
" And so," sniffed Kyoko," I'm just back to being a normal
receptionist again. I mean, I know being a sidekick wasn't a big step up,
and Mouse probably picked the best people for the job, but still..."
" That's depressing," whispered Savannah. Kyoko looked down at
the blanket. Picking at the little lint pills that built up on it.
" I know," she said," Being a receptionist for the LNH is nice,
and the pay is good, when we're not under attack by the forces of evil.
But I watch all of you, in all your colorful costumes, going out every
day and _doing_ things. I'm always behind that big desk, with nothing but
papers and forms to fill out. And you're always out there..."
" Maybe you should try for another position in the LNH,"
contributed Faq Boy," something higher up than a receptionist."
" But what could I do? I'm just a secretary," she sighed.
" Well, there's - "
" Nevermind, nevermind," she said quickly," Forget I even started
this conversation. Lets just move on."
More time passed. The last carton of eggnong was opened.
" But she keeps throwing you out of her room," said Savannah
earnestly. Faq Boy shook his head.
" It doesn't matter. She's beautiful when she's angry," he said,
trying to focus on Savannah. "I know she loves me, I just know it. She
has to." He subsided again into a dull mutter, and took another swig of
eggnog. Savannah sighed and Kyoko tried to keep herself from rolling her
eyes. Faq Boy glared at them, the ache in his chest deepening.
" I can't help it," he whispered,"Her smile captured in moonlight
is pure magic." Kyoko groaned, and Faq Boy glared at her. So what if they
thought he was faking it, or that he was too corny, he didn't care!
Dammit, he didn't care what _anybody_ thought. The emotion built within
him, the ache in his heart growing to painful proportions. Suddenly her
threw his eggnog glass into the wall and leaped to his feet, screaming
upwards into the distant reaches of the flight.thingee bay, his voice
echoing back and forth and back forth again and again.
"PAYTON!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!"
-=ð=- -=ð=-
Meanwhile Brittany was standing outside the LNH cafeteria,
catching her breath. All the presents delivered but one. The hallway
stretched a little ways before her, opening out into the lobby when it
ended. Flashes of color were reflected cheerfully onto the wall from the
LNH's massive tree. She smiled impishly, then checked to make sure all
was well with the little red wagon behind her. It was. She took a good
firm hold on its handle with one hand, and placed her other one gently
against the wall. Then she closed her eyes, and began to walk.
Many people said that the Headquarters of the Legion of
Net.Heroes didn't have a very stable form. Almost everybody, in fact.
They said its layout moved around when you weren't looking, and sometimes
even when you were. Hallways where the washroom was a few minutes ago,
that sort of thing. They said you could almost depend on it to shift
around when you weren't paying attention, it did it so much.
This was the very effect Brit was depending on. She moved in
almost complete silence but for the wagon wheeling squeakily behind her,
moving blindly around corners and through random doorways. Occaisonally
Binky's bell jingled. After ten or so minutes of ceaseless walking,
Brittany stopped and removed her hand from the wall. Then she opened her
eyes, and smiled. It had worked.
She was in a long empty hallway which she had never seen before,
with unendning lines of doors on either side of her. It's architecture
and furnishings were like none others ever before spotted in the LNHHQ
" Well then," she said," Um... hi!" There was nothing but
silence in reply. She whipped the orange tablecloth off the wagon,
revealing piles of light fixtures, doorknobs and glue. Tubes of wallpaper
were stacked like logs in the back, along with some boards and large roll
of fuzzy carpeting.
" I know this is kinda strange, but, well, you get beat up on so
much these days. Lots of explosions and stuff. And nobody ever really
sayd they're sorry. And you've been such a _good_ building. So, um...
Merry Christmas!" said Brit. She set the handle to the little red wagon
gently down on the carpet, then went around behind it and took Binky out.
Then she closed her eyes and walked back down the hallway,
leaving the last Christmas gift behind her.
-=ð=- -=ð=-
They sat quietly in the corner of the flight.thingee bay. The
eggnog was gone, as was Faq Boy's rush of emotion. He sat, head drooping,
staring at the ground in a deep blue funk. Kyoko sniffled occasionally.
Savannah hove a deep sigh, and Kismet looked at the three of them in
confusion.
" I thought this was to be a happy... uhm...occasion," she
ventured. Savannah perked up a little at that.
" You're right," she said," Does anyone want to sing Christmas
carols?" Faq Boy glared at her, but Kyoko brightened at the the thought.
Kismet looked at her in awe.
" You... you can sing?" she asked. Savannah looked at the winged
girl carefully. This question meant a lot to her.
" Yes, we can," replied Savannah," But I don't think its the same
way you're thinking. Everyone here sings. Perhaps not very well, but
still." Kismet wrinkled her brow.
" I think then that you are right. To my people singing is...
very special. You have to be old enough to do it, and even it is only
right to sing at certain times. I can do it, but I am not very good yet.
Uh... do you understand the word `sclyte'?" Savannah shook her head.
"Oh. Nevermind then. May I hear your singing?" asked Kismet. Savannah
smiled at her.
" Sure. But keep in mind we're not very good at it at all. It'll
be more for fun than anything else."
Kismet nodded solemmnly, and Savannah closed her eyes so she
could move a little quicker, then leaned over to whisper a song
suggestion to Kyoko. Kyoko whispered something back. A small flurry of
whispering occured, followed by silence. Then the two of them,
Savannah not quite sober, and Kyoko quite a bit less, broke into a
rendition of "Jingle Bells". Faq Boy glared at them sourly, but ended up
joining in halfway through anyways.
The three of them rolled to halt a few verses later, the echoes
of the song still bouncing and fading around the massive bay. Kismet was
smiling. Kyoko turned to her and managed a respectable bow while sitting.
" Well?" she asked.
" That is not singing, to my people," said Kismet cheerfully,"
We do that, but we call it tuneplay. Your song was very pretty. This is
holiday is very important to your people, no?" she asked.
" Well, not in the cosmic sense," said Kyoko," But overall yes,
its very widespread."
" That is good enough. You would not mind then... if I sang you
something?" asked the winged girl abashedly. Kyoko grinned.
" Sure, go ahead!"
" Good." Kismet leaned back and closed her eyes, as if she were
concentrating on something very distant. Minutes passed. Kyoko raised an
eyebrow. Then abruptly Kismet swallowed, and stood. " I'm ready," she
said. She looked around brightly for a moment, then spread her wings
slightly and closed her eyes. Savannah noted distantly the the dent from
the fight with the JBoNV was gone, and wondered why, then set it aside to
ask Kismet later.
Because then Kismet threw her head back, opening her mouth wide,
and began to sing, and Savannah found out why her people called "Jingle
Bells" tuneplay. Kismet sounded beautiful. What she sang could never
be repeated by any human. Her voice had metamorphosized into something
fae and distant, a wind instrument that would have fit right into in
Oberon's court ever so long ago.
The tune fluttered high then dove low again, climbing slowly back
into the light. And with it climbed Savannah's spirits. She couldn't help
herself, she just felt... happy. If there were any words to the song, she
could not distinguish them. There was only the single flutelike voice,
rising and falling, deepening here, growing more shallow there. Beside
her Kyoko had tilted her head back a little, and had her eyes half
closed, listening. Even Faq Boy wasn't scowling.
Then there was another voice, following just a step behind the
first, but deeper. Savannah stilled, stunned. How could there be another
one of Kismet's people here - then she realized. There weren't any more
of Kismet's race around, it was Kismet herself. She was singing with two
voices, weaving them around each other like crystal spiderwebs.
Kismet continued to sing, and around her the faintest of glows
began to take shape, a pale white light outlining her form. It shimmered
off her wings as she sang, the gold flashing in the dim light,
highlighting her blond hair. She looked like an angel. Kyoko glanced
down at herself and realized that she was glowing too, as were Faq Boy
and Savannah. She felt peaceful, and very, very happy.
Then suddenly the song was climaxing, both the voices spiraling
up and up and up, higher and higher, then fading off into silence,
leaving no echoes behind them. The glow faded an instant after, and
Kismet dropped back into a sitting position, breathing heavily. The three
net.heroes sat very still, trying to catch the last few trailing feelings
and emotions from the song. Through some mixture of the song, and
probably drink, the world didn't seem nearly so dark anymore, or so
overbearing. Things would get better, all you had to do was let them.
Kyoko dropped backwards with a happy sigh, lying on the floor to the
flight.thingee bay. Kismet smiled.
"That," she said contentedly," was singing."
________________________________________________________________________
HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!
BINKY BLESS!
Binky, Kismet, Out-of-It Lass, Weirdness Girl, copyright Jennifer
Whitson, 1995. Faq Boy, along with a few of his lines are Jamas
Enright's. Kyoko Ichikawa is Public Domain. Kid Kiwi is Ian's. I almost
stole him. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Next Issue:
Iiyaaaaa! The Notes of Tim have gone missing, and the fate of the
universe itself is at stake. Does this always happen when Brittany's
family has a reunion?
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Descrii@aol.com
"All that which we see or seem
is but a dream within a dream"
-E.A.Poe
