LNH Comics Presents #30: It's All In The Timing Part Five
The Continued MisAdventures of Bad-Timing Boy
Co-starring Cheesecake-Eater Lad
"But which side of the bed do you get up from?
It doesn't matter both sides are wrong!
Ooooh, bad luck!"
- "Bad Luck" - Funny Business.
*-*
When last we left our intrepid heros (sometime ago, blame my exams)
Bad-Timing Boy, who had lost his powers of bad-timing, Good-Timing Girl,
who had lost her powers of good-timing, and Cheesecake-Eater Lad, whose
powers were still working, had teleported to G-TG's homeworld Valhal
to try and work out why B-TB's powers were affecting the place (before he
lost them that is). Upon arrival the trio were greeted by hundreds of
Valhallie warriors who didn't look all that happy to see them...
*-*
"Wha... what's going on?" asked Bad-Timing Boy.
"You shall rue the day you ever decided to invade Valhal
interlopers!" proclaimed one of the Valhallies.
"We're not invading! We were _invited_!" yelled Cheesecake-Eater Lad.
"Oh yeah? Let's see your invitations then." demanded another Valhallie.
"_I_ invited them!" yelled Good-Timing Girl.
"Oh, well, that's alright then." said the first Valhallie, "Why
didn't you say so?" The other Valhallies lowered their weapons and began
to drift off, talking amongst themselves. The first Valhallie took off
her face mask and squinted at the group, "Oh hi Synchronicity. The
Sorcerix wants to see you."
"Thanks Clarity." said Good-Timing Girl. "Come on guys, this way."
she headed off towards a tall building. Staring, B-TB and C-ELad followed.
"Well, was that an anti-climax or what?" asked Cheesecake-Eater
Lad, trying to break the tension.
"Oh, shut up." muttered Bad-Timing Boy.
***
"Sorcerix? I'm baaaaaaaack!" yelled Good-Timing Girl, as she
entered the holy abode of the might Sorcerix.
"Good-Timing Girl! Welcome! I take it your mission to destroy the
evil one was successful?" asked the Sorcerix eagerly.
"Hey! I resent that!" yelled Bad-Timing Boy, following G-TG in.
He stopped and stared. The room that he was in was full of stuffed
animals. Huge monstrous reptiles and dangerous looking fish shared room
space with birds with big teeth and sharp claws. There were even a couple of
stuffed Tribbles in a display case. "Oy, I've got a bad feeling about this."
"Who's this?" asked the Sorcerix, stepping forward. She looked
about 4 hundred years old, give or take a millenium, she also looked
like the sort of teacher who'd stick you into detention for looking at
her funny.
Good-Timing Girl looked a little embarrassed, "Well, you see...
it's kind of a long story..."
"Why aren't I surprised?" asked another voice, as the fourth person
in the room stepped forward.
"FRANK!" G-TG ran to the man revealed, throwing her arms around
him she hugged him tightly.
"Who's Frank?" asked Cheesecake-Eater Lad, finally enterring the
room (cos the corridor was getting boring).
"I'm Frank." the man smiled at C-ELad and B-TB, "I'm
Synchronicity's older brother." he grinned widely, showing lots of
perfect teeth, with no fillings at all (bastard!). Frank was about 6 feet
tall, dressed in a Hawaiian shirt and some black jeans. He had blonde
hair and green eyes. "Thanks for making sure my sister made it back here
safely after killing the evil destroying one. You must be...?" he held
out a hand for Bad-Timing Boy to shake.
"Brad Thomas Boyle, AKA Bad-Timing Boy, AKA the evil destroying
one. Nice place you got here, who did your decor?" B-TB shook Frank's
hand firmly. Frank and the Sorcerix gaped at him.
"Hoooooboy, are you sure your powers have disappeared?" asked
Cheesecake-Eater Lad asked.
*one explanation of the last four episodes later*
Frank and the Sorcerix continued to stare at Bad-Timing Boy.
"Please," Good-Timing Girl pleaded, "Don't stand there looking
like that! Blink! Please, your eyeballs are about to dry out!"
Both Frank and the Sorcerix blinked and shook their heads. "Whoa,
that was strange." said Frank.
"Is most definitely is, I've never heard of a heartsword
operating in such a manner." said the Sorcerix.
"Do you think you can fix it?" asked Bad-Timing Boy.
"Weeeeell, probably. It shouldn't be too hard to get your powers
back properly... but then we'd have to kill you." pointed out the Sorcerix.
"Um, you think we could skip that part?"
"Personally I thinkit's worked out rather well. Bad-Timing Boy's
powers are no longer a threat and Valhal is saved. Couldn't we just keep
them like they are?" asked Frank.
"NO!" yelled Good-Timing Girl and Bad-Timing Boy in unison.
"Why not?" asked Frank.
Bad-Timing Boy spluttered, "Because... because..." he thought of
all the times he'd been beaten up as a result of his power, "because..."
he thought of all the danger he'd been in because of his power
"because... because... "
"Because of the wonderful things he does." sang G-TG and Frank.
"But seriously, you don't know why." said Frank, "Your powers
have never been anything but trouble to you. And as for Synchronicity, I
know it will be a pain not having your good-timing anymore, but you can
still teleport, and Valhal will be safe."
"Ummmmm..." said B-TB and G-TG.
"Think about it, tell us what you've decided later." Frank urged,
gently pushing them and Cheesecake-Eater Lad out the door. They watched
as it closed behind them.
"Well, shit." said Bad-Timing Boy.
***
"I don't know Bad-Timing Boy," said Cheesecake Eater Lad, "It
sounds kind of... sensible."
"Call me Brad," said the former Bad-Timing Boy, "It's who I am
now I guess."
"But they said they could give you your powers back." CELad persisted.
"Yeah, at the expense of my life." Brad snarled. "Oh, I don't
know. What do you think Good-Timing Girl?"
"Synchronicity," she corrected, "If you're giving up your name so
am I. I don't know. I mean, I've always had my powers, it feels weird
without them. If it's any consolation, if you do get your powers back I
don't think I'd be able to destroy you."
"Wonderful, that just leaves us up against the Sorcerix, who
killed all her furniture herself." muttered Cheesecake Eater Lad.
"Listen Cheesecake Eater Lad, would it offend you if
Synchronicity and I discussed this alone, I mean, it does involve us."
asked Brad.
CELad hesitated, "I don't know, I was sent along to protect you,
and I don't think Ultimate Ninja would approve..."
"Yeah, but he's not here, and if there's any trouble
Synchronicity can teleport us away. 'Kay?"
"Alright, meet you back here in half an hour?" CELad asked,
stopping by a door.
"See ya." said the other two in reply, walking off deep in thought.
Cheesecake Eater Lad watched them go until they were out of site,
then leant against the door, "Well, what shall I do for half an hour?" he
wondered.
His question was answered when the door suddenly opened and he
was hit over the head by a club.
A shadowy figure (as opposed to a mysterious figure) watched as
Cheesecake Eater Lad was bound to a Mysterious Machine'O'Death (tm).
"The first of many..." is said, shadowly (well if it said it
mysteriously then it would be a mysterious figure doncha know?)
to be continued...
Credits:
Bad-Timing Boy and Cheesecake Eater Lad are Public Domain. Everyone else
was created solely for this storyline but can be used if you really want
them, just wait for the end of this story, which is not too far away.
Errata from previous issues of LNHCP:
Apologies are in order to Martin Phipps and Jeff 'Drizzt' Barnes for me
stuffing up previous credits. Ordinary Lady actually belongs to Martin,
not wReam, and Sing Along Lass belongs to Jeff. Did I get it right this time?
***
Culinary Disasters Two
Fan.Boy hummed to himself as he entered the kitchen. He was rather
surprised that he had been rostered for food duty, but he was quite happy
to do it.
[That, and the fact that Jaelle asked his writer in the sweet,
kind way she has. :) ]
He surveyed the disaster area and poked in a few drawers. What he
discovered was not nice. To sum up, it was 5 o'clock, the LNHers wanted
dinner, and there was a definite shortage of supplies in the kitchen.
Oh well, best get stuck into it, he thought. He rolled up his
sleeves (which, being spandex, resisted his attempts), and got into it.
First, a few phone calls to make.
As LNHers started arriving in the cafeteria, they were treated to an odd
assortment of sounds from the kitchen. There were several bangs and
crashes as well as the odd tuneless whistling. This lead them to assume
that Guitar Man was in there cooking, and that the Sickbay should be
readied for use.
In the kitchen, Fan.Boy whistled happily as he prepared the meal. He had
had a few problems getting the overly large pots onto the stoves, but he
was sure the new dents in the floor would go unnoticed.
He paused again to check the recipes he had picked to perform
tonight. He scanned rec.food.recipes as well as neighbouring groups,
checking what his products looked like in comparison with what they were
supposed to be.
Given the adaptations he had been forced to make to the
ingredients, he was quite happy with the final result. Although the
smell of sulphur might be considered off-putting to some.
He checked under the sink in the cabinets, found a can of
fly-spray and sprayed a bit in the air, testing the smell. Mmm, not too bad.
He up-ended the can and squirted a generous dosage into the pot.
There, that was better.
He turned to the oven and opened the door to examine the cake he
was baking. It had risen quite high by now. Fan.Boy frowned and rechecked
its recipe. Oh, a _teaspoon_ of baking power, not a tablespoon. Hey ho, a
fairly common mistake, he thought. Still, this means there'll be more to
go around.
The quiche that rec.food.veg.cooking described sounded like a
pleasant addition to the main course, but, when the microwave dinged,
Fan.Boy thought that he might have over compensated just a little bit too
much. The amount of time in the microwave was fairly proportionate to the
amount of food. More food, more time. So, when he doubled the recipe, he
doubled the amount of cooking time. Of course, he had left out some of
the ingredients due to not having them, but that shouldn't have made that
much difference.
The final splodge proved him wrong. Still, it should still taste
nice.
Fan.Boy cast one last look around his efforts.
Time for tea, he thought.
Understandably, it was Ferris Jones who first became worried by the pot
that Fan.Boy heaved out. Perhaps it was the slime mould around the
bottom, or the look of the base barely clinging to existence that clued
him in, but whatever it was, he immediately became ill as he tried _not_
to think about what was in there.
The others soon joined him in quiet panic, but it was too late to
back out now, as Fan.Boy brought the large tray of vegetable quiche out,
and looked ready to serve. He still shot one or two concerned glances
back into the kitchen, but didn't look too disturbed by the burbling sounds.
"Er, what is it?" asked Late-Nite Lad, getting the depressed
feeling that he was about to spend the entire night cleaning whatever it
was out of the kitchen.
"It's a surprise," said Fan.Boy eagerly. "But I'm not serving yet."
The room breathed a collective sigh of relief.
"I'm waiting for a few guests to arrive," he continued.
"Oh yes, and who would they be?" asked Punctuality Lad.
A knocking on the cafeteria door ended his question. "We've
here," chorused unknown voices.
The doors swung open and in poured the contents of the LNHers worst
nightmare.
"Why are there Criminals Coming into the Cafeteria?" asked
aLLiterative Lass.
"I invited them," replied Fan.Boy. "They don't get out very
often, and I wanted to meet them. Don't worry," he said to the
disbelieving faces of the heroes. "They've promised to go back to their
homes afterwards."
"OH YEAH?" said CAPTAIN CAPITALIZE.
"Shush," said Fan.Boy, and, surprisingly, he did. "They're just
here for a meal. I thought it might be nice for everyone to get together
and eat."
"I am not sitting next to him," said Linguist Lass, pointing to
Doctor Boring.
"What's wrong with me?" asked Dr. Boring. "I have a fascinating
personality, I can remember things everyone else has forgotten, I can
repeat the entire lyrics of '2000 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall...'"
"Yes, please," said Sing-Along Lass. "After that we could do
'Row-Row-Row Your Boat'."
A banging sound startled everyone, but it was soon traced to
Fan.Boy banging on the side of the large pot with a ladle. "If everyone
could line up orderly, I can begin dinner."
While a queue more or less formed, with Manga Man battling with
Johnny Stomper for a good position, causing a wall to be destroyed in the
process. Everyone picked up a plate and utensils and filed pass Fan.Boy,
receiving a helping of quiche and, er, the main dish as they went.
"What exactly is this?" asked Cannon Fodder, sniffing carefully
at the... 'slop'.
"Um, perhaps you shouldn't eat any," advised Fan.Boy. "Wouldn't
want to upset anyone when your powers kick in."
Cannon Fodder's gape was pushed aside by King Konquerer. "I'm
King Konquerer, soon to be ruler of the Looniverse. I'm sure you've heard
of me."
"Oh, yes," said Fan.Boy nodding. "Of course I have."
King Konquerer reacted in surprise. "You have? Why? Nobody else
has." He took his meal bemusedly and walked over to a table.
"Have you heard of me?" he asked the LNHer sitting beside him.
"Huh?" replied the Forgetting One. "Who're you?"
Relieved in his anominity, King Konquerer turned to... enjoy his
meal.
Master Roster Man took a mouthful and nearly threw up. "What is
in here?"
"Oh, it's quite nice," said Fan.Boy. "At least, the original
sounded quite nice. I had to make a few changes 'cos we didn't have
everything we needed."
"Like?" asked Bladed Lad, fork poised at his mouth.
"Well, I couldn't find any avocados, but there was some lumpy
green things at the back of the fridge which looked pretty similar."
A few mouthfuls were ejected straight back out at this statement.
"And, I couldn't find any carrots," Fan.Boy continued. "Actually,
I think I did. They were orange, but, I have to admit, they were rather
furry."
"Didn't you find anything right?" asked Master Blaster, threateningly.
"The cheese was fine."
Ah. The cheese was fine.
"But, I had to leave the mould on, or there wouldn't have been
enough for the quiche."
There were several growling noises and general irritated silences.
Taking advantage of the pause, Fan.Boy ducked back into the
kitchen with a "Hang on. I'll just get the desert."
When he came out carrying a cake bigger than he was, everyone's
animosity was disarmed. Perhaps there was hope after all.
Webs Tor was first up for a piece, and watched with great
attention as Fan.Boy slowly inserted the knife.
Everyone's eyes followed the top of the cake as it sank towards
the bottom of the tin as the air escaped the pudding through the new hole.
Fan.Boy looked disappointedly at the result. "Erm, cake outsides
anyone?"
Large Caliber Man stood up. "What say we show our appreciation?"
he said, causing a large chain gun to appear in his hand.
"Right behind you on that one," said Spelling Boy, who was feeling
pumped up due to all the author's typoes.
"Er, guys," said Fan.Boy backing away. "Couldn't we talk about
this? Guys?"
He quickly assessed the state of the crowd, whispered a quick
thanks under his breath that he could survive death, and tried to make a
run for it.
Unfortunately for Fan.Boy, Lagneto stopped him from getting to far.
Fortunately for the rest of them, Lagneto stopped him from
getting too far.
----------------
Credits:
Everyone is copy-write their own authors. I used all sorts of people as
they hadn't been used recently and I thought that they might like to come
to a dinner. :)
Next issue: Kid Kiwi and Jynx cook (well, they try to anyways), 'helped' by
various kiwis (with friends like these... :-). Also probably the Bladed Lad
Culinary Disaster.
Hey come on guys! I want more heros cooking already! I'm planning to finish off
this storyline in two episodes so there had better be some heros in that
kitchen when I get back! Anyone can join in... please please please join in?
Just mail the story to me. I don't care how long it is. Pleeeeeease? Your time
starts now and runs out in about 2 weeks.
Jaelle
