Birth of a Villain #38
Mouse: AKA, the story that refuses to end.
by Jaelle (with endless comments by Mouse)
***
Saxon Brenton wrote:
> Birth Of A Villain #37
> A chaotic add-on cascade type Legion of Net.Heroes title
Mouse: Wasn't every single issue of this crossover a chaotic add-on?
> "Epilogue 2: 101 Uses For A Giant Carnivorous Mutant Platypus"
Writers Block Woman and Mouse: DUMP IT BACK IN ALT.STRALIA!!!
Mouse: And take all these bloody possums back while you're at it!
Jaelle: Okay guys, let me write in peace and quiet now please.
***
Epilogue 3: Obsessive Tying Up of Loose Ends
> "The Writer should consider himself lucky that Mouse isn't here,"
> said Chinese Guy. "That's just the type of thing that'd set her off
> with a cranky attack."
> "Why did you insist on Mouse not coming?" Insomnia Lad asked,
> curious.
> "Because we're going a place where there are dingos, and I don't
> trust that bastard Writer not to try one final attempt to pull an
> Azaria Chamberlain joke."
> "You're being paranoid Bruce," FWLass told him.
> "Gales of derisive laughter," he countered pleasantly.
> "Well, we're pretty much finished this storyline, and Mouse isn't
> here," said Insomnia Lad. "So, it's hardly as though there's going to
> be any more opportunities to try."
***
Writers Block Woman burst into the LNH cafe,
"A platypus!" She screamed. "A giant carnivorous mutant platypus
stole my baby!"
Mouse groaned and banged her head against the table, nearly upsetting
the glass of orange juice on it. "Muuummm... that joke wasn't funny
the first eighteen times either."
"I quite liked it the second time around," said Cheesecake Eater Lad.
"You would," Mouse told him. "Just let it go Mum. They weren't going
to take YOU of all people to Alt.stralia. Everybody here and their
assorted sidekicks knows how you feel about the Ockers."
Writers Block Woman sulked over to the table. "I wouldn't have done
anything."
"Then why were you trying to requisition three hundred stinkbombs
and a giant inflatable kangaroo out of Stores?" Mouse demanded.
"Err... be prepared?" Writers Block Woman hazarded.
"Nice try." Mouse sipped her orange juice, for her orange juice it
was indeed, and none others. It was unquestionably hers.
"So, where have you been all morning?" Writers Block Woman said.
Suddenly she adopted a strange, high-pitched tone of voice. "Been
shopping?"
Mouse grimaced and replied in the same voice. "Nah, been shopping."
"Oh yeah, what'd you buy?"
"An old Monty Python sketch." Mouse snapped. "Can we please stop
this now?"
Writers Block Woman grinned at her briefly and then stole her
orange juice. Alas, the perfidity of it all!
Mouse sighed, "Next year, don't give the narrator a word-of-the-
day calendar, okay?"
WBW had the grace to look abashed. "I felt we had to do something,
given that we hadn't provided a lot of work lately."
Mouse looked depressed. Morose even. "Knock it off," she growled.
"So where HAVE you been?" WBW asked.
"On a mission," Mouse replied. "A mission of great importance."
"Ooohhh...?"
"Yeah, getting rid of that damn mind-controlling cat!" Mouse grumbled.
"Who gives mind control powers to a cat anyway? Like they need
any more advantages. Aren't humans already their slaves enough?"
"Are you missing Sukie?" Writers Block Woman asked gently.
"I AM NOT MISSING SUKIE!!!" Mouse denied. "Dad's taking good care
of her and I'll see her next time we're in NZ."
[To find out who Sukie is... er, well, you'll have to wait for me
to finish WBW #37-39! It's not important though - really. She's
just a cat. A very cute purrable kitty-cat. A sweet cat.
...
I miss my cat. I haven't seen him in ages. Foo. - Jaelle]
"So where did you leave Tiddles then?" WBW asked. "Honestly, I can't
believe he was able to take over my mind so easily!"
Mouse refrained from saying anything, but it was a bit of a struggle.
"I thought you just let him wander off?" Asked J. Random LNHer.
"Nah," Mouse sighed. "My conscience wouldn't let me."
"You have a conscience?" Someone hidden safely up the back of the
cafe asked. Mouse glared in their direction.
"Yes I do, and don't think I won't eventually find out who that
was and make you pay!" She called.
"So what did you do?" WBW asked insistently.
"Well," Mouse said slowly. "I did consider giving him to Bill Walls."
Everyone within earshot stared at her in horror.
"Give a mind-controlling cat with a desire to take over the world to
a meglo-maniac who wants to take over..." Cheesecake-Eater Lad trailed
off. "Oh."
"Exactly," Mouse sniffed. "Who'd notice? But then I decided that would
be too nice."
"So..." WBW was practically dancing in impatience. "Where? Where?"
Mouse smiled in a nasty fashion.
***
End
***
Author's Note:
NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!! The world will
never know! Or maybe they will. Tiddles-sighting anyone? *smirks*
I know one place that he might be - but you'll have to read Crypt
Looter #6 to find out! (Woo hoo! Free plugs - go me).
No, there was no point. No point at all. I just thought it would
be nice to know what Mouse was doing, having been rather callously
written out of the second epilogue _Saxon_ :-), and then I thought,
there's a perfectly good bad joke going begging there. Why not
make it?
And maybe I feel like doing something LNH-related for a change. I
miss the LNH. I wish I had more time to write in. Feh.
Writers Block Woman and Mouse are both mine. Cheesecake-Eater Lad is
(or at least _was_ last time I was paying attention) Public Domain.
If he's not, or involved in another plotline, I apologise. I have a
sneaking feeling someone was using him but I can't quite recall,
and all other Public Domain characters I could think of seem to be
busy in other stories.
Anyways, this complete waste of your time was sent to you with
great joy by,
Jaelle
"Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science
fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?" -- Kelvin Throop.
***
