Who Cares Studios proudly (?) present
Birth Of A Villain #0b11111, I mean, 31
A chaotic add-on cascade-type Legion of Net.Heroes title
/tmp/mutt2iijdX, a.k.a.
"When cross-overs cross-over"
Written by Lalo Martins
who is bored wondering if anyone will actually join into the
Reality Check saga and wondering if the Looniverse can survive
two fourth-wall-related cross-overs at the same time
And yes, I couldn't resist the crime of dragging my own
character into the plot. Sorry, bad boy. It just seemed so...
so... fitting ;-)
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Cover has panels showing all aspects of the story up to this
point: the Costumed Individuals invading the Church of the
Fourth Wall, wReamicus Maximus plotting and hoping Fourth Wall
Lass wakes up, WBW's team in the cat's fishtank, Mouse's gang
having lots of fun in the 80s, and finally the remaining LNHers
and Tsar Chasm getting ready for action.
A guy in stylish gray pants and shirt with a hideous orange
helmet walks between panels with annoying tranquility.
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What has gone before:
Uh, an awful lot. I'm starting to get confused already, which
means of course this is the best point to join in.
We know that an entity calling herself the Melissa Virus, or
sometimes Vector, showed up at Net.ropolis and put down most of
the LNH with something she calls the "Legionnaires Disease".
She later turned up to be an agent of the Church of the Fourth
Wall, which was allied with wReamicus Maximus and his Church of
Dvandom, but wait, now they broke up and are fighting each
other, while the Church of the Fourth Wall allied with the,
what's that name again? Nodakommandos, whatever this means.
Most of the LNHers still standing went out to search for a
cure, and then while fighting a Melissa clone most of them was
accidentally sent to 1984 where they're wearing the kind of
costumes characters like that would use in the eighties, oh,
the horror.
The remaining ones, led by Writers Block Woman and aided by the
NTBer DeadHead Man, went to the base of a villain known as
"Khe Saraq, The most dangerous man in the world", where they
fought giant mutant carnivorous platypi and WBW discovered
"Khe Saraq" was actually a pawn of his cat Tiddles. The cat
then seemingly dominated her, which makes her the new Khe Saraq
presumably.
Did I miss something? Oh, the remaining LNHers are planning a
way out of all this, leaded by Tsar Chasm. Wait, wasn't he a
villain? Oh well, who cares.
This recap is getting big, let's get on with it.
======================
After his emails were already sent, the boy leaned back. Yes,
it was definitely the time too look for the LNH. What would he
wear? Definitely not spandex.
He walked to his closet. Hmm, style never hurts. He decided for
his best gray pants and gray shirt. He looked at the nice gray
shoes, then muttered something and went for his battered cowboy
boots. A strong leather belt, and let's hang all kinds of neat
things from the belt, of course. Best turn off the orange cell
phone and leave it here, if he wants to leave this life behind.
But the walkman is essential. He attaches a sack to the belt
and fills it with tapes.
He looks in the mirror. Something's missing. He ponders about
sewing up some kind of mask. Then he remembers he has no raw
materials around. He shrugs. The way things happen in his life,
he'll probably find the missing piece along the way.
He turns off the computers, lays down in a chair and says a
silent goodbye to the house and all the material things he once
found important - well, mostly comic books, but still.
He drank the last cup of consecrated coke and whispered to
nothingness, "I'm ready."
Meanwhile, a Melissa clone dressed like Disney's Snow White
roamed around with her seven dwarves. She'd invite people to a
dark place to "show them a nasty thing" and then leave the poor
victims in a deep coma.
"Stop where you are, monster!"
A special force of the army stood in the middle of the street,
pointing all kinds of cool weapons at her.
"I aM hahaha. LeT me sHow yoU a nasTy thIng. thE reaL sTorY of
snow white aNd the dWarves."
"'hahaha'? What kind of name is that?"
"leMMe show yOu a naS..."
A bazooka shot hit the center of her chest, sending her
crashing right trough a wooden garage-like door. As the wound
closed, she stood up and prepared to get back to the fight.
"Hi there. I have been kind of waiting for you."
"whO? wHo is tHere? lemmE shOw You a naSty tHing"
"I don't really care for cartoon porn. Do you realize you would
shock much more if you showed your nasty acts to some religious
people? Do you know some?"
"relIgious. cHurch. me reMMEmbers A CHurch."
"Wouldn't they be a lot more shocked than the military folks
out there? I mean, military are rumored to read quite nasty
things when they're alone."
"sHock. chuRch. shoW thEm sometHing nastY."
"My girl."
As hahaha started to walk out in the direction where her seven
dwarves fought the special force of the Army, the boy in gray
just followed her silently. She motioned the dwarves together.
"we lEaving. lEmme shoW the chUrch somethIng Nasty."
"church, church, church, nasty, nasty, *grmph*".
The army didn't quite know what to do; they opened fire, but
when they saw the bystander in gray walking to the enemy group
they had to halt.
"Get out of the way, mister!"
The boy in gray ignored them and watched as hahaha and the
dwarves joined their hands and started to disappear. In the
last moment, he jumped and snatched Happy by the neck.
"C'mon join the joyriiiiiiiiide..."
At the headquarters of the Church of the Fourth Wall, Melissas
were at war. Mutated clones of all kinds were fighting one
another and the Nodakommandos. It was in the middle of this
battle that hahaha and her seven dwarves materialized, with the
boy in gray hanging off Happy's neck.
"Let go", muttered another dwarf as he kicked the boy away. He
didn't pause to complain; he rolled as fast as he can, trying
to find some cover.
That the Church of the Fourth Wall was behind all the Melissa
clones was all the information he could gather. Now he was on
his own, but he hoped he could use the Church's equipment to
break the Wall into whatever world Minority Miss and New Look
Lass were being held prisoner and then... whatever.
A Melissa clone floated in front of him. "Kneel before
Magnetissa, queen of mutants."
"Uh."
The clone was - obviously - dressed in a hideous red and purple
costume of pure metal, with a helmet that looked quite like an
upside-down bucket with rounded top and a vertical opening in
front. Just above the eyes, a strange, meaningless symbol...
no, wait, he looked better - in Magnetissa's case it was the
face of a cat. go figure.
"Well, look, your majesty... when I was in school, they told
us..."
"What do you want, human scum?"
"...the easier way to de-magnetize a magnet is by fire."
And while she thought about this distraction, the other clone
the boy just saw closed down on her.
"Die in the hands of FlaMelissa!"
Magnetissa burned in a human pyre, while FlaMelissa fled away
for other targets. He ducked while the flames consumed all
there was to consume and died out.
"Funny, she doesn't smell like a burned person at all."
He went on and removed her helmet, which had turned a lovely
tone of orange. The dead head below was pretty barbecued all
right, but didn't look organic - or natural - at all. Not a
robot in the usual sense either, but most definitely synthetic.
"Go figure." The boy walked away, lazily cleaning up the inside
of the helmet and wearing it. Yes, that was the missing piece.
Goes just right with his chosen name.
He finally reached a door, and passed into a long corridor.
Sounds of battle could be heard from his left, so that was
where he ran to.
He was almost there when a middle-aged man ran out of a door
and into him.
"Who the hell are you?"
"Well, I'm, uh, Weirdness Magnet. And you are?"
"I'm out of here."
The man stood up faster than the boy would think he could and
ran towards some other door. He sighed and prepared to stand up
and follow pursuit, when four more people came out of the first
door and nearly trampled him (well, one of them wasn't actually
running, just walking with a bit of hurry). The one who looked
like the leader, taking a cigarette out of his mouth, gave him
a long look.
"Who the hell are you?"
"Whoa, deja vu. I am Weirdness Magnet, what about you guys?"
"Google-13. And these are Pedestrian Girl, Expendable Man and
Fourth Wall Demolisher Lad, of the, what's that name? Legion of
Costumed Individuals."
"Never heard of any of you. Are you from this world?"
"I am. They're not. And I never heard of you either. What with
the orange helmet?"
"Orange is good for the mood. Can we chase the villain or will
we need to fight?"
"So you know where Father Brown ran to?"
"Being that he came from the same door as you, and that I was
here, I'd say I do, assuming that guy was Father Brown."
He ran to the door where Father Brown just used, with the other
heroes behind him. There, they found the priest operating a
quite menacing device.
"Uh, what the hell are you doing?"
Google-13 lit another cigarette and pointed a gun at Father
Brown. "Whatever it is, stop right now."
"No way. I'm out of here. I will use this dimensional jump
device, or whatever it's called, to find a safe place to
recover and get my church together again."
"Are you the person responsible for releasing all this Vectors
and mutated clones?", asked a one-meter-tall green man who
nobody in the room had seen before.
"Who? Me? Not exactly..."
"It has been reported to me that they were released upon the
world by the Church of the Fourth Wall, correct?"
"Why, correct..."
"And you would happen to be Father Brown, current leader of
said church, who ordered their release?"
"Yes, but..."
"Well, spham sooks", said the green man, turning around and
leaving the building while a black hole that just appeared out
of nothing sucked Father Brown out of existence and then
disappeared. "And blessed be St. Doomas."
The heroes stood bewildered, looking at each other.
"What was that?", Pedestrian Girl finally asked.
"A member of the Order of St. Doomas", said Google-13,
discarding a half-smoked cigarette. "They hunt spam. I wonder
why it took so long for them to show up."
"So what now?", said Expendable Man.
"I don't know about you, but I think there are already enough
people taking care of this whole Melissa thing. I'm planning to
use this device to cross the wall and find New Look Lass and
Minority Miss."
"We could use it to go home", observed Fourth Wall Demolisher
Lad. Google-13 paused to think.
Weirdness Magnet made some adjustments on the panel and stepped
over to the area that looked like the Enterprise's teleporter
pads. "Well, if I got this right, this thing can be programmed
with a kind of queue. So, the first shot should send me to Real
World, and the second shot will send you to your world. If you
change your minds, just reprogram the thing. Bye..."
"Nice to meet you", said Pedestrian Girl, as she pushed the
button.
Weirdness Magnet smiled, but his smile faded as he saw the
monitor in front of him (conveniently placed where the Costumed
Individuals couldn't read):
[ACTIVATING - POPPING DESTINATION 1 OF 3 FROM QUEUE]
.o(Hell, shouldn't this read 1 of *2*?)
Weirdness Magnet stared with horror at the mirror. His had
turned gray, and his eyes looked out from the bottom of a black
pit. He wore a hideous green, black and yellow costume, with
boots up to his thighs and white, loose sleeves. On top of it
all, an obnoxious green cape (not even the same tone of green
as the rest!) with a hood. This was uglier than he could
handle, by all means.
He had checked around. He somehow had been transported to 1984,
to the laboratory of Mr. Stomper in Net.ropolis, years before
he'd turn into Dr. Stomper of the LNH.
And said Mr. Stomper wasn't even home; according to the
correspondence on the table, he went to New York to attend some
kind of event.
"Oh well", he sighed. "Let's hope some powers came with this
outfit." As he pulled the hood over his head, he disappeared.
In an office in New York, some Net.Heroes were untying Mr.
Stomper while the police took away the Russians.
"Well, thank you young lady. Who are you?"
"We're from the Legion of Net.Heroes. I'm Mouse, this jerk here
is Easily Discovered Man Lite, this is Twaeila Brock and the
other guy is Coward Lad. We came here with DeadHead Man and
Lenny the Squirrel, but I don't know where they are."
"Oh. Funny. But what the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Well doc, I mean, mister Stomper... we came here after you."
It was then that the ominous figure clad in green cape and hood
materialized in the room.
"I am Weirdness Magnet! The Looniverse is at great danger, and
I need your help! I come to predict doom, hexen and quake!"
"WHAT?"
"Oh, never mind", he said, taking out the hood. "I'm lost in
this costume as much as any of you, if what I just heard Mouse
say is true."
The net.heroes gave him a confused look. Lite finally resumed
the conversation.
"Look, mr. Stomper, we're from the future. We were transported
here by one of your stolen inventions, from the year of 1999..."
"Actually, it kind of turned into 2001 while you guys weren't
looking", said Weirdness Magnet. "Sorry, this kind of thing
happens when people meddle with the Fourth Wall."
Mouse went into a fit. "WHAT??? YOU'RE TELLING ME I LOST TWO
YEARS OF MY ANIME SERIES?????"
"One year and a half. Relax, you can get the tapes and watch it
all at once."
Stomper looked completely puzzled.
"What are you kids talking about? Time travel is completely
impossible."
"But it isn't!", Twaeila almost screamed. "We've done it
before, and I'm from the future, I mean, the even further
future myself. Back in 99, I mean 2001, traveling trough time
is no problem for you..."
"Okay, relax. Just sit here and I'll call a doctor, okay? You
kids seem to have been injured in your heads or something."
Twaeila had a fit and kicked something. "DARN!" A sinister beep
started from nowhere.
"What happen?"
Coward Lad was quick to find out the direction the noise came
from.
"Someone set up us the bomb!"
Stomper hurried to the bomb; indeed; Twaeila just kicked the
detonator. "We get signal!"
"Okay, that's enough", said Weirdness Magnet. "If anyone comes
up with any sort of Main Screen or a Base, I'll kill this
person. Mr. Stomper, what are our chances of setting it off?"
"None whatsoever, it's tamper-proof. If I try to open it, it
will blow."
"Damn", said Mouse. "And don't you have any invention you can
use to minimize the damage?"
"Well, actually I came here to show my Dolliffier Field, which
turns people into dolls. It's actually a sophisticated stasis
field, and if we can trap the bomb into one it won't explode
until we reverse the effect."
"So USE IT!"
"I can't. It works on people, and things people carry."
Weirdness Magnet snatched the bomb. The display said "0:10".
"So use it on me. I survived worse. QUICK!"
And then there was a doll in the floor, of an unfortunate DC
character holding a strange device. A doll perfect in all
detail. So perfect that one of the police officers who invaded
the room a few seconds later couldn't resist taking it to his
teenager son Dennis.
When this police officer died in a gang war years later, his
son became very bitter over life and became a crime lord and a
villain. And he was very successful at that; but one day he
killed an even bigger overlord intending to take his place, and
things became a little bit too literal for him, as he found out
the previous overlord was just the pawn of his cat, and the
same cat adopted him as the new pawn.
But nothing is forever, and one day Dennis died.
Chinese Guy and DeadHead Man were turning Khe Saraq's
laboratory upside down looking for the Lotion of Emotion and
perhaps for a way to destroy the base.
"What's this cannon?"
Chinese Guy looked. "Well, the plaque says 'Stasis field'. I
presume they used it to capture us."
"So how did they unfreeze us?"
Chinese Guy looked around. There was a much smaller device with
a label saying 'Breaker of stasis field'. He pointed.
"Perhaps we could take it with us? It's small and can be useful."
"That's a pretty good idea." And then Chinese Guy walked over
to fetch the device, as DeadHead Man couldn't hold anything in
his hands.
And then the whole base shook, and the device misfired,
covering a locker with its ray.
"Oh boy", said DeadHead, "I hope there wasn't anything in
stasis in there."
As in response, a guy with a gray suit and an orange helmet
walked out of the locker, holding what looked like a high-tech
bomb in his hands.
"Okay, the good news is I'm back to my proper self, the bad
news is that the bomb was upgraded too. We have... what? One
minute? Blessed be temporal paradoxes. We have one minute to
get the hell out of here."
The net.heroes stared at each other. Finally, Chinese Guy said:
"We can't leave, we must look for the Lotion of Emotion."
"There isn't any here", said a knocked over guard. "We sent all
we had to attack the Melissas in Net.ropolis. You need to look
for Alice Springs."
"But what the..."
That very moment, an entire army of guards invaded the room, as
the bomb marked "00:30". Weirdness Magnet looked at them with a
look of revenge:
"How are you gentleman. All your base are belong to us. You're
on your way to destruction."
"What you say?"
"You have no chance to survive make your time ha ha ha ha."
As everyone paused in disbelief, Weirdness Magnet pulled
Chinese Guy out by a door and into the hangar where the
Flight.thingee stood. And then into it.
"How did you know it was here?"
"I didn't. That's just the way things happen in my life."
DeadHead Man quickly reached them and they started to take of,
just as the place started to blow apart.
"What about Writers Block Woman?"
"She's strong", said Chinese Guy. "She can survive the
explosion and she'll be with us in a moment."
And indeed, soon she was outside knocking the door of the
thingee. She seemed a little different, but she was obviously
the same WBW as always - after all, she bothered to rescue the
cute white cat Khe Saraq was holding minutes before.
=(They managed to destroy the base. Better go with them and
learn more about their Legion and how can they be used for our
goals.)=
"Now what?", she said.
"Back to the LNHQ", answered Chinese Guy.
"Fine for me", said Weirdness Magnet. "It was one of the two
places I hoped to end up by the end of this story. That is, if
you folks don't mind me riding along."
"Uh... you walk out of lockers and explode bases everyday?"
"No, not necessarily. But I can say this has been a normal day
in my life."
WHO WILL TAKE OVER THE CHURCH OF THE FOURTH WALL?
HOW WILL TIDDLES GET ALONG WITH BINKY?
WHAT KIND OF NAME *IS* hahaha?
DID I CONTRIBUTE TO THE PLOT?
WHAT CAME FIRST, THE EGG OR THE CHICKEN?
HOW DID WE SURVIVE THE EIGHTIES?
WILL DEJA DUDE CHANGE HIS NAME TO GOOGLE-GROUPS-GUY?
These and more questions will hopefully be avoided by whoever
is crazy enough to write the next issue of...
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--------------- Birth of a Villain ----------------
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[]s,
|alo
+----
--
I say a prayer now our love's departed
That you'll come back to stay, bring back the perfect day
http://www.laranja.org/ mailto:lalo@laranja.org
pgp key: http://www.laranja.org/pessoal/pgp
Brazil of Darkness (RPG) --- http://www.BroDar.org/
