Sigh. Second try at this, with the timing making the ending
nowhere near as topical.
Blue Light Productions presents:
Birth Of A Villain #25
A chaotic add-on cascade-type Legion of Net.Heroes title
"Apropos of Nothing"
Written by Saxon Brenton
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Cover has Chinese Guy walking off the cover to the left, making a
motion to the others to wait for a second. On the right Insomnia Lad,
Fourth Wall Lass, and Writers Block Woman are pausing. The cover blurb
indicates this is an ash-can edition.
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"Uh, guys? Can we take time out for a moment?" asked Chinese Guy.
"I've got to go vote."
"Bwah?" responded Insomnia Lad in confusion.
"There's a referendum on today, and I'm kind of obliged to go vote
or I'll get fined."
Writers Block Woman considered this. "Just a moment. The only place
were voting is compulsory is Alt.stralia. I thought after issue 11-and-
a-half that you weren't supposed to be an Alt.stralian."
Chinese Guy shook his head. "That was back when we still though I
was Crazy Guy, and we've sorted *that* plot point out at least. But
with a name like Bruce *and* a deranged Alt.stralian accent straight
out of a bad martial arts movie? Come on, you should be able to realise
what sort of cliches will come into play here."
Writers Block Woman nodded thoughtfully, but Fourth Wall Lass
broke in: "I thought that was supposed to be a set-up for the gag where
Jack looked like Jackie Chan and you looked like Bruce Lee, but the two
of you being analogues and appearing identical despite Jackie Chan and
Bruce Lee looking nothing alike."
"Probably that too," agreed CG.
"So what's this about compulsory voting?" asked Insomnia Lad.
"That sounds a bit strange to me."
"There are a few countries where it's compulsory to enrol to vote,"
explained WBW. "My home off Net.Zealand is one of them," she added. "But
only Alt.stralia goes the next step and makes it compulsory to turn up
and vote."
"Actually, it's more like it's compulsory-to-turn-up-and-have-your-
name-marked-off-the-electoral-role," countered CG. "The ballot itself
is secret, so once you've got the voting papers you don't actually have
to vote. You could just leave them blank, or scribble all over it, or
use it to compose obscenities in haiku."
This brought a throaty laugh from WBW. Then she sobered and said,
"Still, I was expecting the episode where you 'come out' as an
Alt.stralian to be the one where the script calls for me to get huffy
about you being Cultural-Cringe Boy and all rabidly anti-Alt.stralian
again, and then you counter that my biases are making me an 'ugly
Net.Zealander' as bad as the stereotypes I've been reacting against, and
then I flee in horror and embarrassment at what I've become." She
looked thoughtful. "I was rather looking forward to that; a nice bit of
dramatic conflict and character development."
"We can run that scene once we start to the Azaria Chameberlain
jokes," Chinese Guy said. He shuddered, and then said fervently, "Maybe
we can even use it to *replace* the Azaria Chamberlain jokes."
Insomnia Lad was looking confused again. "What am I missing this
time?"
"Even if the Alice Spring where we find the Lotion of Emotion
*isn't* the town in the middle of Alt.stralia, the name'll still be
used as an excuse enough for all sorts of jokes in bad taste about
dingos taking the baby," Writers Block Woman complained.
"By that time the others will probably have returned from being
lost in time," dirged Chinese Guy, warming to the theme of horror, "and
a bunch of crazed Ernie Dingo cultists will kidnap Mouse, and you'll
have to say..."
"Stop it! Stop it!" cried Writers Block Woman. "You're making it
worse!"
"Look, I think we should get going if you want to vote," Fourth
Wall Lass interjected hastily, trying to ward off their mutual descent
into Hanrahan-ism. Using her powers to break the fourth wall, the four
of them hastily scooted back to the nearest consulate. It was back in
Net.ropolis, in the scenic area of the central business district known
as Busiek Square, opposite the sprawling Gormenghast Cathedral.
"Okay, thanks FaWL," said CG. "I'll just be a second."
"By the way," asked Insomnia Lad, "What's the issue your voting
on? State or national government? Plebiscite?"
"Vote on whether to become a republic or not," replied Chinese Guy.
Insomnia Lad raised an eyebrow and smiled sardonically. "You do
realise that the traditional way to settle that question is to fight a
war of revolution, don't you? Voting on it just so... unorthodox."
Chinese Guy grinned and winked. "Perversity. Actually, in the case
of the Looniverse it'll be even more perverse than you can imagine.
Saxon - as the only active Australian Writer active in the LNH imprint -
has unilaterally declared that whatever the vote in Real Life is, the
result in the Looniverse will be the exact opposite."
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Saxon Brenton Uni of Technology, city library, Sydney, Australia
saxon.brenton@uts.edu.au
