LNH: Beige Midnight #1: Imperium Hex Part I: 'The Bigger They Are...'
[Cover: Hundreds and hundreds of colorful never before seen heroes
crowd the page. In the center is the LNH'r Fuzzy, who looks like she's
about to have a nervous breakdown (well she'd look like that if you
could see her face beyond the obscuring blur that hides it). Fuzzy
screams the word, "Arrhrhrhhghghghg!!!!!!!!" On the bottom in huge bold
text letters is the caption, 'Introducing the NEW SUPERSIZED LNH! And
we mean SUPERSIZED!!']
[Variant Cover 1: Ripping Dancer dressed in black leather walks out of
a bank laughing evilly. Both hands carry huge bags of money. Cops
attempt to shoot her. On the bottom in huge bold text is the caption,
'Guess Who's the Newest Member of the Brotherhood of Net.Villains?!!!!']
[Variant Cover 2: Hexfire Club Members and Catalyst Lass holding Mr.
Tiddles hover around a cake with the letters LNH on it. Hex Luthor
dressed like a Roman Emperor in a beige colored toga slices the cake and
scoops out the biggest slice for himself. On the bottom of the page in
huge letters, 'Imperium Hex Part I']
[Variant Cover 3: Just Beige. Nothing else. Just Beige.]
**** <<--BM-->> ****
Net.ropolis.
1992.
Beige Noon.
They're dead.
Everyone's dead.
Everything's beige.
Am I the last person alive?
My name is the 4-Color Kid.
And I might be the last person alive in the entire Looniverse. Corpses
litter the streets. Everything is decaying and discoloring.
Net.ropolis is dead. The LNH is dead. And over there -- over there are
the monsters responsible for this... Christ.
Dekay and Diskolor.
The Bryttle Brothers.
They notice me. They're smiling. Another fly to pull the wings off.
No. Not this fly. This fly is going to destroy you.
God help me, I'm going to destroy you.
My heart starts to beat faster.
And I reach for my power. I don't know where my power comes from or why
I have it. I guess I'll never know. It doesn't matter. I reach for my
power. I reach for all of it. All Four Colors.
Cyan.
Magneta.
Yellow.
Key.
They pour out of my body. Like apocalyptic horsemen they race through
the sky.
Dekay and Diskolor are no longer smiling. I can since fear in them. Good.
My skin is burning. I feel pain in every part of my body. I want to
scream. I want to cry. There's a sun inside me that's going to go
supernova.
I try to think of some clever last words. I can't think of any.
It's coming.
It's...
Aaaaaaghghghghghghghghghghghghunnnnnnn...
There's a flash.
The beige has been replaced by color.
I don't feel any pain any more.
Am I dead?
Is this heaven?
Did I save the world?
And if I did then what happens next?
**** <<--BM-->> ****
16 years later...
The place -- Net.ropolis.
The time --
B E I G E
M I D N I G H T
The number -- O N E
The writers -- Arthur Spitzer and Saxon Brenton
**** <<--BM-->> ****
2008 --
"Okay, and right over there you can see the World's Tallest Building.
Well, of course now days it isn't the tallest -- I mean even in
Net.ropolis there are like about 35 buildings taller than it -- But way
back in 1931 for about a week or so -- it was the World's Tallest
Building! Yep. The World's Tallest Building. For a week. Now it's
kind of tiny by today's standards, but it still has the same name. They
probably should change the name. But I'm not in charge of that."
The helicopter pilot pointed to the vast Net.ropolis skyline as he flew
the chopper over the city. A beige sky loomed over everything.
"And to your right are the Oblivion Towers, which used to be the tallest
buildings in Net.ropolis way back in the 90s. Right now they're only
like fifth and sixth -- I think. Here's a fun fact. The Oblivion
Towers have the highest rate of mime suicides -- more than any other
building in the world. Ain't that strange? I guess for some reason
mimes can't get enough of jumping off the Oblivions. Go figure."
"And to the left we have the Pister Maprika Building. It used to be
called the Mister Paprika Building way back in the 90's -- and was owned
by this crazy billionaire who was running this rogue operation of the
Major Food Corps. They were doing these weird experiments and I think
they had like this mercenary army in Omaha, Net.braska. Lot of crazy
stuff. Anyways -- there was this lawsuit and I guess they had to change
their name. They still sell a soda pop called Pister Maprika -- which
has this slogan, 'Now that's a pan's mop!' Not too many people buy it.
Which is a shame since I think it tastes better than Mr. Paprika. But
that's just me."
"And now -- you see over there? Well, you can't really miss it -- if
you have a weak heart you might want to close your eyes for a bit.
Anyway -- There they are. Three of the four tallest structures in
Net.ropolis. In the center is the Beige Clock Tower. The Tallest
Building in the World. I don't know how tall it is, but it's really
damn tall. Tall enough that its top is close to where the Space Station
is. See the gigantic moat that surrounds it? Yeah. They did that to
stop people from committing suicide by touching it. One touch is
supposed to drain the life out of you. Weird, huh? The tower's most
important feature is the clock. Both hands seem to be frozen on 12. It
used to make this really annoying ticking sound, but that went away
recently when the sky turned beige. Thank god."
"And on the left of the tower -- the gigantic monster with the swarm of
flies and locusts for a head -- Yeah. That's Dekay. One of the Bryttle
Brothers. His brother, Diskolor, is on the right. The thrones they're
sitting on are about the size of the World Trade Center Towers. Makes
you think, don't it? Both of them seem to be asleep. Not sure what's
going to happen when they wake up, but it's probably not going to be
good. And maybe it's just me, but doesn't Diskolor sort of look like
that Dad on Happy Days? You know who I'm talking about? Yeah. Tom
Bosley. Yeah. That's the guy. That's who I'm talking about. I mean
if Tom Bosley only had one eye, this big gaping mouth on his chest full
of tongues that were every color of the rainbow, a bunch of spikes with
skulls on his head, and he was really pale white -- and a giant -- and
angry looking, wouldn't he look like Diskolor? Maybe it's just me then.
Well, let's move on."
"And that building over there? Well, I don't really know what its name
is, but back when I was in college a bunch of my buddies and me were
really drunk and on the roof of that building. You know, just goofing
around. And we see Kid Kirby flying by. And so we all pull down our
pants -- and moon him! I'm serious! We mooned Kid Kirby. And Kid
Kirby gives us this like super serious look as he's flying by. He's
like, "I am Kid Kirby, mortals! What are you doing?! Stop that!" But
he just flies by -- doesn't do anything. I swear -- this is totally
true. A Kirbybot? I guess it could have been Kirbybot. I don't know.
But I like to think in my heart of hearts that me and my friends
mooned the Real Kid Kirby. That's what I like to think. Anyway.
Moving on."
"Okay. Now can you see that? There it is. Our final destination
folks. It's the second tallest building in Net.ropolis. And it's a
monster. I believe it is two miles in height and like over a thousand
stories. And that's not even counting all of the sub-sub basements.
Its name is the Legion of Net.Heroes Headquarters and it's one of the
most famous buildings in all of the Looniverse. It didn't used to be
this big. Used to be just this small four story building. Don't know
what's happening, but it's been rising like crazy lately. Could be all
these new heroes that have been joining. They've got a hell of a lot of
people in the LNH now days. I've heard all kinds of rumors about the
size. It's like somewhere between 10,000 and a 100,000. Just crazy. I
mean when I was a kid it was like only about 200 or so heroes. And
people back then complained it was too big. And now? Now it's just
crazy. It's like a city down there. And it just keeps growing and
growing."
"Man. They're letting anyone who has a Freedom Chip be an LNH'r these
days. My friend, Ted -- yeah -- He's an LNH'r now. Had one of those
Freedom Chips put into his head. Got powers. Can transform into this
big beer bottle with arms and legs. Calls himself The Living
Non-Alcoholic Beer or something like that. Crazy. Says it's great.
Now he's pulling in like $700 a week. Free room and board. And saving
the world from evil. Just for putting a chip into his head. Thought
about getting one myself. Don't know. Oh well. Right. We're just
about there. Well, hope you enjoyed your flight, Mr. Manga Man. We'll
be landing on the LNHHQ roof in a couple more minutes."
"Fasten your seatbelts."
**** <<--BM-->> ****
Hiya! Are you a new reader? Nice to meet you! I'm Catalyst Lass! But
you can call me Cat. ;>
Just in case you don't know who I am -- well -- I'm a superhero and a
member of the LNH. I have the power to nudge people into a direction
that I think would serve them a bit better than the direction they're
going. Just a little nudge. Nothing more. Honest. A little nudge.
Right now? Well, I'm on the roof of the LNHHQ (That stands for Legion
of Net.Heroes Headquarters). And standing here with me are members of
President Hexadecimal Luthor's inner circle -- the HexFire Club. Or as
I like to call them -- the Bad Guys. Of course now days it seems that
the bad guys are in charge of the LNH. How did this happen? Well, it's
a long story.
Why are we waiting on the roof of the LNHHQ? We're waiting for that
helicopter right up there that's supposed to be landing any second now.
Apparently a member of the HexFire Club that I haven't seen before is
on it. The Beige Bishop. They've all got these little spiffy titles
like that.
See the cute little white fluffy slightly chubby pussycat that's napping
next to my leg? That's the Beige Rook of the Hexfire Club -- Mr.
Tiddles. I know -- he looks so sweet, but no -- he's been a bad putty
tat. He has the ability to read minds and take over those same minds.
Of course thanks to this little device that Dr. Stomper (genius-in-chief
of the LNH) put in my head, Mr. Tiddles can't read my mind -- he just
thinks he can. The device tricks him into believing I'm his total
slave. I also have a device in my head that looks like a Freedom Chip
because the HexFire Club put one of those into my look-alike pal,
HellCatalyst -- or Helly as I like to call her.
Helly looks exactly like me and has my same powers. In fact there's the
possibility that she's the real Catalyst Lass and I'm not. Neither one
of us knows which of us is the real Catalyst Lass and which of us is in
fact the former supervillain Revamp Lass who revamped herself to be
Catalyst Lass many years ago. Of course I generally assume that I'm the
real Catalyst Lass -- but Helly's great -- really great! Helly tends to
dress in darker more gothic and satanic type clothes than I do. I mean
I'm not saying she's some of kind of a Satanist because she's not!
Well, okay -- now that I think about it I'm not sure I've ever asked her
whether or not she's a Satanist. I suppose she could be one -- but I'm
sure if she is one she's one of those good Satanists. You know -- the
ones who don't sacrifice small animals and children. A good decent
funloving Satanist that likes to shop!
Hmm. Note to self: Find polite way to ask Helly if she's a Satanist!
Sorry about that. Let's see -- where was I? Oh yeah! So for the past
several months, me and Helly have been fooling Mr. Tiddles while
gathering info on the HexFire Club. You know -- sort of like that movie
the Parent Trap, but without the Parents and Hayley Mills. Well, okay
-- now that I think more about it, it's nothing like the Parent Trap.
But that was a great movie, wasn't it? I wonder whatever happened to
Hayley Mills? She was so adorable in that movie!
Note to self: Buy Parent Trap on DVD!
But right now Helly's probably having fun shopping or getting a cucumber
facial. Sigh. Wish I was there with you, Helly -- and not here.
Let's move on.
Over there is the Ebony Knight of the Hexfire Club -- The Ultimate
Savior. Years ago he died saving the Looniverse from the Mechanical
Author. And I think he's still dead -- because whomever that is
standing over there, it's not the Ultimate Savior. I get this creepy
feeling when I look at him. There's something wrong about him. Why
would the Ultimate Savior need a gun? And that black canteen he's
always carrying -- what's in that canteen? On second thought, I don't
really want to know.
Over there is the leader of the LNH. The Ultimate Ninja. The greatest
fighter in the whole Looniverse. But not this guy. A clone maybe or a
shapeshifter? Who knows. I get the feeling that I've met whoever he is
before. Anyways, whoever he is -- He's the HexFire Club's Ebony Bishop.
Which is why I can tell he's not really the Ultimate Ninja. The
Ultimate Ninja would never ever settle to be anything less than numbero
uno. This guy is Hex Luthor's puppet.
And that guy in the golden armor suit? He's Irony Man. Multi-
billionaire Toony Stork. A long time member of the LNH with the power
to detect and emit Irony. I'd like to tell you he's really a clone or
shapeshifter, but sadly I think he's the real deal. He used to be a
hero and friend. I'm not sure what he is anymore. And I'm not sure if
I can save him. I hope I can. He's the HexFire Club's Beige Knight.
And finally -- the Ringmaster of all this -- and why I'm here on this
roof. President Hexadecimal Luthor. Beige King of the HexFire Club.
And the person who is now running the LNH. My friend and fellow LNH'r
Bicycle Repair Lad told me that Hex used to be just a small time crook
long ago -- and then he hit the Cosmic Reset Button -- and here he is.
Of course now days, Bicycle Repair Lad is locked up in one of Hex's many
secret prisons -- and only a few people believe him. I believe him.
And sadly Hex isn't the biggest problem that the LNH is facing now.
We've got two bigger problems called Dekay and Diskolor. And you can
see them on this roof. I think they're napping.
Well, looks like the helicopter is going to land. Oh darn! Just
realized my hair is going to be all messed up -- and I just got it done
yesterday! Sigh. Oh well. Someone's stepping out of the helicopter.
Oh my! Is that -- is that?
Yes. It is. Manga Man. One of the LNH's most dangerous and oldest
enemies. He's the Beige Bishop? I have to admit, I'm kind of
surprised. I mean I never thought that Manga Man would be someone
else's bottom -- I mean second -- oh well -- you know what I mean. Giggle.
And Hex and his secret service agents are walking over to greet him.
Him and Manga Man do that Japanese bowing thing.
Hex starts talking. "So, how was your trip?"
Manga Man responds. "Oh, you know. Same old -- same old. So. This is
it? The Legion of Net.Heroes Headquarters? It's been awhile since I've
been here. Seems a lot bigger than the last time."
Hex laughs. "It's the building. It connects itself to whoever's in
charge. It reflects their ambitions -- their dreams. And as you can
see -- when I dream -- I dream big. So. How does it feel? How does it
feel to be on top of the world, Manga Man?"
"Well, I don't know, Hex. Would it be horrible cliched if we all had an
evil laugh right about now?"
And they all start to laugh. Well not all. Mr. Tiddles looks slightly
irritated that someone woke him up. And Toony? He looks disturbed by
all of this.
Note to self: Work on my evil laugh!
**** <<--BM-->> ****
"Brought you some lunch, Procrastination Boy." Procrastination Boy
looked behind him and saw an ambiguous blur holding a paper sack. It
was Fuzzy, one of his LNH teammates, who has the power to make things
ambiguous.
"Hey, thanks! Just put it over there, Fuzzy. I'll eat it a little bit
later. You didn't have to do this."
"Oh, no prob. Steak-and-Potatoes Man made it. Heard what you were
doing here. Sounds pretty amazing. Besides. Had to get out of that
place. It's just too much. Too many. It's swarming -- swarming with
tons and tons of clueless newbies. Thousands of them! I mean I thought
I had gotten over my hatred of newbies. All those therapy and
psychotherapy sessions. I thought I had moved on. But. There are
thousands of them! Thousands!! And they don't know what they're doing!
My God! I'm going crazy. I'm going crazy! I swear -- if I stay
there any much longer I'm just going to lose it. I'm just going to
start shooting people. Shoot them. Shoot them all. All of them. All
of them!!"
"Umm, Fuzzy? Just take a deep breath. A deep breath. It's going to be
okay."
"Sorry, Procrast. *Sigh*. Just one of those days, you know. But back
to you -- is what they're saying true? You're using your powers on the
Writers?"
"Yeah. Kind of. Fourth Wall Lass cracked open a part of the Fourth
Wall right over there." Procrastination Boy pointed towards a
shimmering crack in reality. "Been focusing my powers on the Writers --
trying to get them to just procrastinate on writing. At least for now,
I think it's working. If I'm successful, maybe I can stop the whole
Beige Midnight storyline for good. I know everyone thinks I'm a joke,
but I wanted to use my powers to help us."
Fuzzy gave Procrastination Boy a pat on the shoulders. "You're not a
joke. You're doing good here, Procrast. Real good. I'm proud of you."
Fuzzy walked over and looked at the crack in the Fourth Wall. And
then she looked at the Beige Clock Tower and the Brothers of Bryttle
that were asleep on their thrones. She pulled out a pack of cigarettes
from her purse and took a cigarette out.
"You okay, Fuzz? Thought you quit smoking?"
"Yeah, I did. But Christ. Look at them. We're not going to be able to
stop them. In a month we're all going to die. What's it matter if I'm
smoking when they kill me?"
"You're not going to die, Fuzzy. We'll stop them."
"Yeah. We're the LNH. We never lose, right Procrast?" Fuzzy took out
her lighter and lit the cigarette. "Tell me another one."
**** <<--BM-->> ****
Two lips absorbed the redness of the lipstick. And they pressed against
each other until the redness covered them totally in a flawless way.
The lips opened up and a cherry lollypop pushed itself into the mouth.
A tongue slid itself over the entire surface of the lollypop.
A hand shoved the lipstick back into a purse and then opened the door to
the car that the female it was attached to was sitting in. The woman
got out of the car -- a jet black Lamborghini V12. She had blonde hair
and black sunglasses over her eyes. She wore a very short black leather
miniskirt and a leather jacket over her body and fishnet stockings on
her legs. The leather was ripped in a number of places. All the right
places. She put a couple of quarters into the parking meter and started
to walk towards the First Bank of Net.ropolis. Her legs seemed to move
to the beat of a ZZ Top song. A couple of men in suits quickly rushed
over to the glass doors of the Bank and opened them for her. She gave
them a nod of appreciation for their effort.
As she walked into the bank, she could feel the gazes of almost everyone
in the bank. Male or female, they couldn't help but look at her. She
made her way up to one of the open windows.
"Um -- um -- How -- How can I help -- umm you, Miss?" spoke a nervous
looking man in glasses and a bow tie.
The woman slid her fingernail along the counter top and then took out
the cherry lollypop in her mouth and gave the bank clerk a smile.
"Well, lets see. Hmm. Oh yes. I'd like to take out a withdrawal."
"A withdrawal? And -- and what is your account number, Miss?"
"Account number? Account number. Hmm. Let's see. You know -- now
that I think about it, no. I might have misspoke. Yes. Guess it's not
really a withdrawal that I wanted. Sorry. I'm a bit new at this. What
was it? The word. It's at the tip of my tongue. Oh right." She
snapped her finger. "Robbery. That's the word. That's the word I'm
looking for. This is a..."
Suddenly there was a huge explosion. Glass shattered in all of the
banks windows and a huge smoldering gap formed at the front of the bank.
As the smoke began to clear, various screaming innocent bystanders saw
a number of costumed individual start to enter the bank. Some on foot.
Some in the air.
"A robbery," the woman said finishing her sentence. "And those freaky
looking dangerous people that just entered are members of the Legion of
Net.Villains. And me? I'm the Ripping Dancer. I'm sure you've heard
of me. Former LNH member turned traitor. A sad tragic tale to be sure.
With the power to rip anything I can imagine while dancing. And now
I'm here. Back in business."
"So, basically we want all the money in this bank. All of it. And
you're going to give it to us. Sound simple? Well, let's get to it
then. Because there's one thing I don't think you want us to do," she
said with a smile. "And that's get physical."
She gave her cherry lollypop another lick.
**** <<--BM-->> ****
IMPERIUM HEX PART I
'The Bigger They Are...'
**** <<--BM-->> ****
A couple weeks before...
In a hallway in the Legion of Net.Heroes HQ, Retcon Lad was loudly
berating Anal-Retentive Archive Kid. "Look, it's all a matter of trust..."
"Yes, exactly," said ARAK. "And the fact that the Legion is getting so
much funding, hardware and new members to help fight Dekay and Diskolor
is a good indication that Hex Luthor can be trusted. If he couldn't be,
then the usual comic book cliche would be that he'd be *stripping away*
the Legion's resources just as we needed them the most. You know, to
create a heightened sense of urgency."
"That trope only works if the bureaucrats doing the cutbacks don't
appreciate the extent of the danger being faced," countered Retcon Lad.
"The argument falls to pieces if the bad guys are using the heroes as
pawns to fend off a threat, in the process saving the world for
themselves while also weakening the heroes who could oppose them
afterwards. Bicycle Repair Lad..."
"What about Bicycle Repair Lad?" asked a new voice. Both LNHers turned
to see Irony Man, and behind him was Obnoxious Ame.rec.a Boy.
If anything the presence of Irony Man - who had both lengthier
membership and more seniority in the Legion's hierarchy - seemed to make
Retcon Lad antagonistic. "I was saying that Bicycle Repair Lad warned
us that Luthor had been his villainous arch nemesis until he wrangled
history to gain the presidency. That makes his motives suspect."
Obnoxious Ame.rec.a Boy bristled. The very notion that someone could
think that the holder of the highest office in the country might not be
worthy of the position was offensive to him. But Irony Man just calmly
shook his head. "You know what your problem is Retcon Lad? You've been
watching too many X-Files reruns on cable. Sometimes a cigar is just a
cigar."
"And where exactly is Bicycle Repair Lad anyway?" said Obnoxious
Ame.rec.a Boy. "I haven't seen him offer up any proof to support his
allegations. In fact, I notice that our little British member" (and
this was said vast amounts of condescension) "hasn't been around for a
few months now. Run off into the night when his insinuations against
the POTUS weren't able to make much headway with the rest of the Legion,
has he?"
Irony Man cut OABoy off. "Retcon Lad, I find this lack of faith in the
way we're handling the Beige Midnight problem disturbing. I'd like to
think the cause is merely cabin fever, and that the tension of waiting
is getting to you. So I'll give you the opportunity to cool down and
think things over. And a mission to fight bad guys is always a good way
to clear the head."
"You're shuffling me off onto field duty?"
"Just because we've been waiting for the Beige Countdown to finish
doesn't mean that there aren't problems that need superhero
intervention," Irony Man said not unreasonably. "Out of the country, I
think."
"Out of the country?" was Retcon Lad's incredulous response. "What's
going on overseas that the local hero teams, like LNH Europe, can't handle?"
"There are those Al Qaeda Amerika terrorists who are continuing to make
trouble," suggested Obnoxious Ame.rec.a Boy with perhaps a bit too much
relish.
Irony Man nodded. "Yes. Retcon Lad, effective immediately you're under
orders to head for the Middle East, track down and deal with the super
powered insurgents active there." He turned to Anal-Retentive Archive
Kid. "And you'd better keep an eye on him."
"Me!? What did I do?" exclaimed ARAK.
"You're known to fraternise with him," said Obnoxious Ame.rec.a Boy,
pointing to Retcon Lad. "But your efforts to keep him from bad-mouthing
the leader of your country have been only half-hearted at best. A
little bit of scut work in the deserts of the Holy Land will help you
remember where your best interests lie if you want to get anywhere in
the Legion."
Anal-Retentive Archive Kid and Retcon Lad had looks of outrage on their
faces as they watched the other two depart. Then they turned and walked
away in an appropriately aggrieved manner. Their sullen expressions did
not falter until after they'd arrived at a room where some other
net.heroes were waiting for them, and they had closed the door behind
them. Inside were Fourth Wall Lass, Lenny the squirrel, and the
Net.Elementalist of the Alt.Riders team.
"Well?" asked the Net.Elementalist.
Retcon Lad smirked. "Oh PUH-LEASE Br'er Irony Man, don't throw me in
the briar patch."
"Ha!" went the Net.Elementalist, and the two friends high fived each other.
"Okay, keep it down," said Anal-Retentive Archive Kid. He consulted a
comm.thingie that looked much like a PDA. "Well that was quick. Say
what you want about Obnoxious Ame.rec.a Boy, but at least he's an
efficient administrator."
"For good or ill," said Lenny.
"Mmm," said ARAK, nodding. "Anyway, we've got our marching orders. We
have 24 hours to pack and fly out of the country. We have a
flight.thingie assigned to us and everything."
"Excellent," said the Net.Elementalist. "How soon do we want to leave?"
"We could leave right now, actually, but that might make us look too
eager," pointed out ARAK.
Fourth Wall Lass looked speculatively at the others. "Maybe first thing
tomorrow morning?" she suggested. "Will that give you enough time for
moaning and groaning?"
"It should be," said Retcon Lad. "Although how I'll keep a straight
face, I have no idea."
"Try to be subtle," she said.
"Yes dear."
"So we're ready," said the Net.Elementalist. He put is fists to his
hips and adopted an arms akimbo stance, and mock declaimed: "Now that
our mission is ready to go, we shall reveal to the world just was Hex
Luthor is up to. So swears the newest secret sub-group of the Legion of
Net.Heroes... The Bicycle Liberation Front!"
"Yes yes," chorused the others in their best
Monty-Python's-The-Life-Of-Brian voices. "The Bicycle Liberation
Front!" And then they broke out into laughter. (Well, all except for
Lenny, who didn't have as broad a grasp of human pop culture as the
others, and went, "What?" and had to have the joke explained to him -
which kind of spoiled the effect.)
**** <<--BM-->> ****
End of Part IBeginning of Part II
**** <<--BM-->> ****
Occultism Kid frowned as he glanced at the computer monitor. The
information about the Cosmic Plot Device on the LNH computers was pretty
sparse. It did mention how Lurking Girl destroyed it back during the
Cosmic Plot Device Caper. But after that there were only the vaguest of
mentions about it. Something involving Continuity Champ battling Dr.
Killfile who was trying to reform pieces of the Cosmic Plot Device.
[See the Cosmic Conspiracy -- Footnote Girl]. But whatever happened to
it, or the pieces, there was no mention of that.
Darryth Rath, the Continuity Champ, had been retired from the LNH for
years and for the most part was very difficult to find. Of course
Occultism Kid could probably find him, but how cooperative would he be,
assuming he even remembered anything from that time? As for Dr.
Killfile, well who knows where Dr. Killfile was. Perhaps one of the
Drizzt's Defenders might know something. Occultism Kid clicked his
keyboard a few times to get the team's roster.
He glanced at the list of names. He didn't know where most of these
people had gone. Wait! Of course, he thought looking at the one
familiar name on the list.
"Hey, Multi-Tasking Man?" Occultism Kid said as talked into his
comm.thingee. "Could you locate Obscure Trivia Lad for me? Thanks."
**** <<--BM-->> ****
Hex Luthor hung up his Oval Office phone. Another dead end.
Where was that other damn piece? Tons of his people were out there
searching for it, but for some reason no one could find it. He had used
a piece of the Cosmic Plot Device to find the rest of the small
fragments. But he couldn't seem to find the last piece. Something was
obscuring it. And no one seemed to know where it was. No that wasn't
true. There was at least one person who knew. Dr. Killfile.
Of course Dr. Killfile appeared to be missing in action too. His last
appearance was back in 2006, his body had vanished after some battle
involving members of his family. [See Killfile Wars -- Footnote Girl].
Killfile.
In many ways, he had Killfile to thank for all of this. Hex Luthor
smiled to himself. Hex's mind drifted back to a time that had never
existed.
**** <<--BM-->> ****
1999 --
A jail cell.
"Wow! I can't believe it! It's you! It's really you! Can't believe
they stuck us both in the same cell!"
"Yes. Someone will have to die for that," said Dr. Killfile as he
thumbed through the science journal he was trying to read.
"I mean you're like the Elvis of supervillains. You're like..."
"Mozart. If you must compare me to anyone. And you really shouldn't
bother doing that since I am far beyond whatever miniscule mites your
pitiful brain could imagine for comparison."
"Uh... sorry. Didn't mean -- I -- I'm just a big fan of your work. The
name's Hexadecimal Luthor. I don't know if you've ever heard of me? I
occasionally fight the LNH. My greatest arch-enemy is Bicycle Repair
Lad. You've heard of him?"
"No. These names are quite meaningless."
"Yeah, I guess you wouldn't. Guess I need to build myself a bigger rep.
I'm thinking about maybe fighting someone like Teenfactor."
Dr. Killfile scowled as he accidentally ripped a page from the journal.
"So. How did they nab you? Just wondering -- because you don't really
strike me as a guy whoever fails. Was it...?"
"Fail?!" Killfile slammed down the science journal onto his bed. His
face became red with rage. "Fail!? I am a Killfile! I never fail!
This -- this right here -- is all part of a grand plan that is beyond
anyone's ability (besides my own) to comprehend! I wanted to be put
into this cell! Every battle -- every move I make. It's all leading
somewhere!"
"Umm... sorry. Wasn't trying to -- I mean -- wait a sec. Just thought
of something. Am I part of this plan?"
"Maybe. Probably not. But I never fail. I never fail." Dr. Killfile
picked up the science journal and crumpled it up in his fist. "No.
That's not completely true. No. I did fail once. Just once. I was
young and stupid. It was back in '92. Right after the Cry.Sig. I had
a plan that involved the broken pieces of the Cosmic Plot Device. I had
found two of the pieces and I used them to build some androids. The
pieces powered the androids. I called one of the androids, Aunt Comic
Relief." Dr. Killfile chuckled to himself. "It was a much sillier time
back then. And I guess the stupidity of it all had infected me. And
then Continuity Champ became involved. I had planned to absorb his
powers and make them my own. I suppose my plan might have worked, but
alas -- the Champ cheated. Beings from some alternate future helped
free him. And he defeated me -- turning me into a helpless vegetable.
And I was like that until I was reborn in '94. It was then I truly
understood everything. My purpose. My plan. I realized that the
powers I had inside me were greater than any so called Cosmic Plot
Device bauble. Much greater. And so I began to work on my plan. And I
still am."
"Wow. That's some story. So you had two pieces of the Cosmic Plot
Device -- what was the name of that other android?"
Dr. Killfile looked down on Hex Luthor and shook his head. "Name? No.
Don't even bother. You're nothing. You're dreams are nothing.
You're just another insignificant insipid joke in a world of insipid
jokes. You'd be better off just sticking to what you know best. Which
seems to be very little. Now me? I'm going to go to sleep and I'm
going to dream -- dream beyond the scope of nothings like yourself.
Dream of great things that I will do in the future. And dream of the
dead bodies I will step over to accomplish those great things. And you?
You're not going to speak another word. I don't even want to hear you
breathe."
**** <<--BM-->> ****
Hex Luthor put down his shovel. Rain pattered down on his head. And
darkness filled the sky. But there she was.
The last remains of Aunt Comic Relief.
Hex took out a knife and started to carve through the android. He
reached into her chest and felt around. There it was! He pulled it
out. A piece of the Cosmic Plot Device! Rain drops drizzled over it
washing off the dirt.
Hex Luthor smiled to himself. Things were going to change.
**** <<--BM-->> ****
And he used the piece to find the other pieces and fragments. And he
found them all except for one.
Putting all of the pieces he had back together, he used what power the
device did have crafting the Cosmic Reset Button. The device had enough
power for him to hit the button one time.
And so he hit the button. And everything changed.
He was President of the Loonited States and George Walker Bush was just
some out of work politician clearing brush at his Crawford Ranch.
The Heckfire Club became the HexFire Club.
And a lot of other things changed as well.
And now here he was. It was 2008. Through puppet surrogates he was in
control of the LNH. He had vast army of Freedom Chip controlled heroes
in the LNH. He had gone where no supervillain had ever gone before.
Dr. Killfile in his wildest dreams could only wish this much power.
He'd love to have Killfile in one of his secret prisons and torture the
information out of him. Show Killfile who was the real joke. Not that
Killfile would have remembered their conversation. It was a
conversation that had never happened. But this was all academic.
Killfile was missing and no one seemed to know where he was.
Killfile had mentioned Continuity Champ. Maybe he knew about the second
android. He'd have to get Irony Man to check into that.
Hex sighed to himself. So much work to be done. He really needed a
vacation.
**** <<--BM-->> ****
"So, here we are. I guess everyone knows everyone, but just in case --
My name is Fearless Leader and seated clockwise around me is the Very
Disturbed Scary Creature Man, Cannon Fodder, Kid Anarky, The Gothic
Gorilla, Knife Fight Dude, Captain Napalm, Nomex Man, and Ripping
Dancer. This is one of many cells that are now operating for The
Resistance. Now I can't say how many cells there are or who are in
these cells or the names of the people leading the other cells. It's
best that you don't know this information in case the Enemy should
capture you or if there's a mole in one of the cells -- umm no offense
intended, Dancer."
Ripping Dancer covered her hands over her face. "Umm. Right. None
taken," she said in a very awkward voice.
"I just want all of you to know that the reason I'm not giving you
information about the other cells has nothing to do with trust, but it's
for your own safety. I trust everyone in this room. I trust you people
with my life. I just want to say that. And now the purpose of this
meeting. Hex Luthor must be stopped."
"Umm," responded Cannon Fodder, "I'm no fan of Hex Luthor, but
considering that the Bryttle Brothers are sitting on gigantic thrones in
the middle of Net.ropolis shouldn't we be trying to stop them first? I
mean maybe Luthor controls the LNH and has all of these Freedom Chip
Heroes under his thrall, but so what? Isn't getting into some kind of a
Civil War with our own LNH the last thing we should be doing? Wouldn't
it be better if we just dealt with Luthor after Beige Midnight?"
"Those are interesting points, Fodder. Look, I agree that the Bryttle
Brothers threat is the most serious threat that the LNH has right now,
but other LNH'rs like Occultism Kid and Kid Kirby are dealing with it.
What Hex Luthor has been doing and is doing can't be ignored though. We
don't really know which side he's on, although his title 'The Beige
King' seems to indicate that he's not going to be with us in our fight
with the Bryttle Brothers. No. My gut feeling tells me that we have to
stop Hex Luthor and his Freedom Chip scheme. If we don't, I'm afraid
everything we've ever believed in, our ideals and everything else, might
be lost with them."
"And if you're wrong?" said Cannon Fodder.
"Then I'm wrong and we'll all pay a terrible price. But I would like to
know who's with me on this. A show of hands. Who thinks we should stop
Hex Luthor?" A majority of the hands in the room went up. "Well then.
I guess that's settled. And now onto stopping Hex Luthor."
"I've got an idea." The voice was from a rather large man in a
trenchcoat who pulled a big ass knife from that same trenchcoat and
stabbed the table with that knife.
"Umm, sure go ahead and tell us, Knife Fight Dude," replied Fearless
Leader. "What's your idea?"
"I will challenge Hex Luthor to a knife fight!! Okay, I know what
you're thinking -- what if he doesn't want to fight? Well, then he's a
pussy. A big @#$@&*# pussy!!! And everyone will know he's a pussy! And
he'll have to resign in shame! Because no one wants a pussy who's too
afraid to get in a knife fight to lead the USA!! However, if he does
accept -- then I'll fight him -- and I will win!! And by the rules of
Knife Fight Law, I will succeed him as President of the Loonited
States!! Yes!! I WILL BE PRESIDENT!!!! And then I can make these
Freedom Chips illegal. That's my plan. So, what do you guys think?
Sound good?"
"There is no Knife Fight Law in the Constitution," responded Fearless
Leader.
"There should be," answered Knife Fight Dude.
"We're not doing your plan, Knife Fight Dude," said Fearless Leader.
"Fine. Be that way." Knife Fight Dude shook his head in disgust. "I
try to give you people wisdom, but no. You just won't listen." Knife
Fight Dude folded his arms into sulking position.
"*Ahem*. Anyway, as I was saying -- How to stop Hex Luthor." Fearless
Leader stood up and walked towards a screen in a room. He clicked a
button. A picture of a large building popped up on the screen. "This
is a factory located in Net.ropolis where most of the Freedom Chips are
being made. We're going to make sure that everyone inside or near the
factory is nowhere near it. And then we're going to blow it up."
"Umm -- Whoahh!" said Kid Anarky. "I love Anarchy as much as the next
guy, but isn't this just a tad extreme, you know? Why not just get
someone like Dr. Stomper to go on TV and tell people not to use Freedom
Chips or something."
"That's already been tried. Hex Luthor has a number of scientists
working for him that he can send on TV programs too. And after the
whole LNH robot duplicate fiasco a lot of people don't seem to trust
Stomper anymore. I know blowing up factories seems extreme, but we live
in an extreme world. But this is just stage one. There's only one
person in the whole world who has ever defeated Hex Luthor. And he's in
a secret prison somewhere. Bicycle Repair Lad. We need to find him and
free him so he can help us stop Luthor."
"That assumes all that crazy talk BRL was going on about Hex Luthor
hitting some Cosmic Reset Button wasn't just crazy talk, of course,"
said Captain Napalm. "Because if it was just crazy talk then no one has
ever actually defeated Hex Luthor."
"Even if it was crazy talk, we can't leave him there. He's one of us.
LNH. And we're going to free him. I think this is important. And I'd
like to call this cell The Bicycle Liberation Front so we can remember
how important this is."
"He'll be expecting this," said Ripping Dancer breaking into the
conversation. "Us to free Bicycle Repair Lad, I mean. Not the whole
calling ourselves the Bicycle Liberation Front part. Luthor will."
"I suppose he will, Dancer. But we'll just have to prepare for whatever
traps or guards he has..."
"No, wait. I was just thinking. This plan -- a plan. I have a plan.
I just thought of it. A way of killing two birds with one stone."
Ripping Dancer smiled to herself. "This is my plan."
**** <<--BM-->> ****
"There. It's installed," Dr. Stomper said as he looked into Ripping
Dancer's ears with a device that emitted a red beam. "This device will
protect your brain from mind reading and anyone who does try to read it
will get your cover story instead. And this..." Dr. Stomper pulled out
a pair of earrings. "These are devices that will teleport you to a safe
place. All you need to do is push this tiny red button right here. You
can put them on your ears, or wherever you kids put them on now days."
"Thanks," Ripping Dancer said taking the earrings. "Ears will be fine."
Dr. Stomper put a briefcase down on a table and opened it up. "And I
was able to duplicate the potions that give you your powers and beauty.
That being said, I would advise you to never ever use them again."
"Umm why?"
"The original formula that you used had an element called
Nevahshoodusium. An element that should never be used. It's a very
powerful element, but also one that has very deadly side effects. It's
an element banned in many countries and star systems. I tried to come
up with a substitute that wouldn't be as dangerous, but I failed. And
so these potions here have Nevashoodusium in them. The more you use
these potions, the greater your risk is for cancer or something even worse."
"Worse than cancer? Are you saying that I have cancer?"
"I don't know. But you've been drinking these potions since 2006, correct?"
Ripping Dancer nodded her head.
"Then there's a very strong possibility. My advice is one: you should
get a check-up with Organic Lass. Don't worry about her turning you in.
She's not going to do that. I'll get in touch with her and set up an
appointment for you in a safe location. And two: you should stop using
these potions. If they aren't already killing you, then it's only a
matter of time. But you're an adult -- and ultimately it's up to you
whether you quit or not."
Ripping Dancer opened up the briefcase and took out a potion. "Have to
do one final mission."
"No." Doctor Stomper shook his head. "You don't have to."
"If only it were that simple." Ripping Dancer popped the cap off and
drank the potion.
**** <<--BM-->> ****
Fearless Leader turned his head around. "Dancer! Didn't see you there
-- you're looking -- you're looking good."
"Thanks."
"This mission of yours -- I think -- I don't think you should do it --
it's..."
"Dangerous?"
"Yes, to put it lightly. This Legion of Net.Villains. It's filled with
killers and worse. I don't know. I've been having bad feelings about
this ever since you told me your plan."
"I'll be fine. I can do this."
"You don't have to. You don't have to do this. Tara..."
"No. If I ever want to look at my face in the mirror again, I'm going
to have to do this. I have no choice, Felix. You can't stop me."
"I'm not going to stop you. I'm just -- just worried. But I also know
that you can do this. Just be careful. Do you have everything that you
need?"
"Yes. Dr. Stomper set me up with everything. Everything I need."
"Well. I guess this is goodbye then."
"I guess so."
"Look, once all of this Beige Midnight nonsense is finally over -- let's
go on a trip. Just the two of us. To Europe maybe, or wherever you
want to go."
"Sounds nice. Let's do that."
Fearless Leader walked over to Ripping Dancer and gave her a big long
hug. "Are you sure -- sure you're going to be fine doing this?"
"I'll be fine," Ripping Dancer reassured him. "I'll be fine."
**** <<--BM-->> ****
There was a man who didn't seem to move. Every part of him seemed to be
frozen in time except for one of his hands which was slowly cutting a
piece of meat. It was as if the Net that surrounded him was Lagging.
Sitting across the table from him was another costumed man. An armored
man dressed in a familiar looking green cloak. In fact the cloak was so
familiar looking that any knowledgeable fan of comics might think it was
a blatant rip-off of another character. But to the costumed man it was
simply... a homage.
"So, Homage -- why did you want to meet me?" the Frozen Man asked with
his frozen mouth.
"Lags, do I really need a reason? Can't two pals just have dinner and
chew the fat? Shoot the breeze?"
"First -- We have never ever been 'pals'. And second -- There is a
graveyard in East Net.ropolis filled with the bodies of men who dared
call me 'Lags'. The name is Lagneto!" Lagneto's fork stabbed the piece
of cut meat.
"Touch`e! Well, okay -- you're right. We've never been all that close
-- and we've had a rather prickly history. But we do have things in
common. We've both led the Brotherhood of Net.Villains. We're both
leaders. Leaders of men. At least you used to be. Is what I've heard
from various sources true? Are you now a henchman for Mynabird?"
Lagneto's fork with its meat started to make its journey towards
Lagneto's mouth. "You've heard wrong. I am working with Mynabird, but
in a consultant capacity."
"Pfah! Consultant? Just another name for pawn! What ever happened to
the Lagneto who used to terrorize the World?"
The fork with meat moved a few more centimeters. "He's still here.
Waiting to see how everything plays out. I like to take my time."
"But why even work for him? Why is anyone following this bozo? He
comes out of nowhere -- and everyone just does what he says! It's
insane! They should be -- they should be following..."
"You?"
"Well, yes. Me! Or you. Or some other villain that has been around
and earned a reputation. But not him! Mynabird!? What kind of a
stupid name is that? 'I'm a Mynabird *tweet* *tweet*.' Stupid. What
the hell is a Mynabird anyways? Am I supposed to be scared of someone
who calls himself Mynabird? People should be laughing at him -- not
following him!" The glass of raspberry ice tea that Mr. Homage had been
holding burst into shards of glass.
"I believe a Myna is a member of the starling family. But anyway, why
don't you challenge him in battle?" The piece of meat was in the point
of no return between Lagneto's plate and Lagneto's mouth.
"Well, I would, but umm..." Mr. Homage paused a bit while he thought of
a good excuse for not fighting Mynabird. "But he has that bodyguard of
his. You know the -- Alt.imate Ninja! Yes, him! Even if I were to
beat Mynabird in a fair fight who's to say that the Alt.imate Ninja or
one of his other loyalists wouldn't stab me in the back? But on the
other hand what if you joined with me? My brains -- your powers?
Nothing could stop us! The Legion of Net.Villains would have to make us
their leaders! We could co-lead together! What do you think?"
"Your brains? Wouldn't that put me under a handicap? And co-lead with
you? Co-lead with you?" Lagneto's frozen mouth laughed. "I'd rather
be Mynabird's lackey than ever co-lead with you." The meat was almost
5/8ths away from the plate on its way to Lagneto's mouth.
Mr. Homage rose up from his seat. His entire body shook with rage.
"How dare you! How dare you!! I won't forget this slight! Never!!
And for Evil's sake -- eat that damn piece of meat!! Eat it!!! For the
love of all Evil, Eat it!!!!!"
The meat on Lagneto's fork was three inches away from Lagneto's mouth.
**** <<--BM-->> ****
"So. How did our little recruiting mission go?" asked the leader of the
Legion of Net.Villains, Mynabird, to a man floating up in the air. A
floating man with brown preppy hair, a slightly goofy-looking face,
sloping shoulders, a bare chest, love.handles, and a slightly portly
belly. His costume? A pair of tiger-striped, monogrammed bikini
underwear, bearing the legend "Tommbly-Bloobly". Definitely, a man who
was flying altogether too naked.
"Sorry. No dice, boss," said the old arch-enemy of Cheeezar,
Flying.Altogether.Too.Naked.Villain, as he held his black-handled,
red-tined Trident of Power tightly in his hand. "They seemed to be
snoozing. Taking a nap or something. Couldn't wake them up. Man, they
were creepy. Hate to even think about them. Feel kind of sick."
"Drat. Oh well. The Bryttle Brothers would have been useful in my war
against Easily-Discovered Man Lite -- err, I mean war against the LNH of
course."
"Tarantula!" growled one of the pink tarantulas crawling along the floor.
"Quite right, Descartes," nodded Mynabird. "Their loss."
Vector Sublime's eyes flashed red light. "Revamp Lass has returned,
Mynabird. She's brought a new recruit with her." All of the villains
turned around to see what Vector Sublime was talking about.
"Hubba, hubba!" hooted the Diceman (Older brother and arch-enemy of the
LNH'r PC Person). "Now this is more like it! And to think I was this
close to stabbing both my eyes out with toothpicks having to look at
Flying.Altogether.Too.Naked.Villain and Continuity Porn Star jiggle all
the time! So what's your name, sweet cheeks?"
"Ignore him," Revamp Lass said as she directed the new recruit towards
Mynabird. "This is the boss. Mynabird. Mynabird? Meet Ripping Dancer."
"Umm, hi?" Ripping Dancer said in a very weak soft voice.
"Ripping Dancer," Mynabird said as he stroked his metal suits chin.
"Yes. I've heard of you. Your story on the news. How you betrayed the
LNH. And now you want to join us? Why, Might I ask? Why? Please,
tell me."
"Look, I won't lie to you," Ripping Dancer started to say. "I'm at rock
bottom. I'm desperate. I need help. The LNH wants me dead. He wants
me dead. Because I know too much. And he's worried that I could
destroy him and the LNH."
"Who? Who are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about the man who secretly controls the LNH. One of the
secret masters that runs our world. Who am I talking about? Who?"
Ripping Dancer gave a dramatic pause. "Easily-Discovered Man Lite.
That's who I'm talking about."
Every supervillain in the room blinked their eyes.
"Easily-Discovered Man Lite?" Mynabird asked as the notion started to
roll through his mind.
"Yes. I know it sounds absurd. But it's the truth. In reality,
Easily-Discovered Man Lite is an immortal lizard creature masquerading
as a teenage sidekick slacker. One who's been secretly running the LNH
ever since the Rebel Yell days."
Mynabird gave his head a slight nod. "You know. I always suspected
that Easily-Discovered Man Lite was a mask for something although I
figured it was Al Gore. Go on."
"And now he has a plan to rob everyone of their free will. He created
the Freedom Chip and now he wants to use it to enslave us all. There's
only one person in the world who knows how to stop him. Who knows
Easily-Discovered Man Lite's weakness. His one weakness. My boyfriend.
Bicycle Repair Lad."
"I think my disbelief has been stretched beyond the point of every
single breaking point that has ever existed. I mean, come on.
Easily-Discovered Man Lite, an immortal lizard creature. I could have
bought that. But Bicycle Repair Lad, Ripping Dancer's boyfriend? Come
on now. Seriously."
Mynabird gave a dark gaze. "Hush, Londonbroil. I want to hear this."
"Come on now. You're not buying this bag of bollocks? This is totally
loony. Weakness? Easily-Discovered Man Lite's weakness? I can tell
you that one. Take a gun. Put it against his head. Pull the trigger.
Or get a knife. Or pick up a big rock. You get the picture? He's a
bloody wanker with a spatula who makes puns! Everything is his weakness!"
"Really, now. If that's true then why haven't you killed him yet?"
"Err? Haven't gotten around to it yet?" said Londonbroil with a
sheepish look.
"And why hasn't anyone killed him? He's faced Dr. Killfile and Pencil
Rain and he still lives! And why is he a member of the LNH if he's so
useless? No. The more I think about it -- the more this whole secret
lizard ruler of the world story makes sense. I first encountered him
back in 1994 -- and he still looks the same -- he hasn't aged! Explain
that!"
"Botox injections?" shrugged Londonbroil.
Mynabird went back to Ripping Dancer. "So, where is this Bicycle Repair
Lad?"
"I don't know. Here's the thing. Easily-Discovered Man Lite had him
thrown into one of Hex Luthor's secret prisons. I don't know where he
is or how to get him out. All I do know is that if we're going to stop
Easily-Discovered Man Lite's plan we'll need Bicycle Repair Lad. We
need to break him out."
Mynabird snapped his metal suits finger. "Hmm. Rumor Monger. Are you
aware of where this secret prison is at?"
"Err -- I've got contacts that could probably trace it for you. If you
want?"
"Good. Do that. And as for you, Ripping Dancer -- not that I don't
trust you -- Well, okay -- I don't trust you. Plum Master! Read her mind!"
A man in a yellow and purple costume stepped from out of the shadows
holding a plum in each hand and walked over to where Ripping Dancer was
at. He held the plums near her head and started to giggle. Ripping
Dancer clutched her head and fell to her knees screaming in pain. "Yes!
My mindreading plums will get to your secrets! Your dark filthy
secrets! Hehehehehehh! They'll know them all! Heehheheheehehhe!!!!"
"Well, okay Plum Master. What are they?" asked Mynabird.
"Yes! Just a sec. There! Now tell me! Tell me, my lovelies! Tell me
her secrets!!"
"Well?" Mynabird folded his arms impatiently.
Plum Master gave a nervous laugh. "Come on now. My lovelies. Mynabird
wants to know what you found out. Please. You're making me look bad
here. What? Come on now. You know it wasn't like that. Can't we
discuss this some other place? It wasn't like that! You know Daddy
loves only you. Yes! Daddy loves only you!! Please! I was only
testing for ripeness! No! Don't say that! You know I couldn't live
without you! Please! No! Please?!"
"What's going on here, Plum Master!?" snapped Mynabird.
"It's -- it's nothing -- just a -- umm -- just a little lover's quarrel.
You see -- I was at the grocery store a week ago and there were some
peaches. And I was squeezing them -- testing them for ripeness. Only
ripeness! And well -- you know how jealous plums get when you..."
"Enough! Do we have any other mind readers here? Well!?" Mynabird
looked around the room, but no villains seemed to be raising their
hands. "Are you telling me that *none* of you are mind readers?
Hundreds of villains -- and no mind readers?!"
"Well. Guess I could do it. If no one else wants to." The voice came
from lizard type creature with a very big head and a small body that was
supported by a mechanical flying device. "The name's Mind-o-Saurus, but
my friends call my MIND-O (Mobile Intelligent Neutered Dinosaur for
Obliterating). I'm the world's smartest dinosaur! And I can read
minds. And -- well, I guess that's about it."
"Mind-O-Saurus? Never heard of you. Can anyone vouch for him?"
"My brother-in-law can," spoke up Color-Error Man.
"Yep," said Color-Error Man's Brother-In-Law as he finished drinking the
beer in his hand. "Mind-O is totally cool. How's it hanging, Mind-O?
Isn't this like totally awesome? Being a supervillain rocks!"
Color-Error Man's Brother-In-Law made a loud burping sound.
"Color-Error Man's Brother-In-Law?" Mynabird shook his head and gave a
sigh. "Very well. I guess that will have to do. Mind-O-Saurus! Read
Ripping Dancer!"
Mind-o-Saurus flew his mechanical device towards Ripping Dancer and
started to probe her mind.
"Well?" said Mynabird.
"She's telling the truth. At least she thinks she is."
"So are we going to free Bicycle Repair Lad -- or what?" asked Ripping
Dancer.
"We will. But first -- you must be tested. You will have to rob 13 of
Net.ropolis's biggest banks. Demented Designer? Take Ripping Dancer
and dress her in a more appropriate manner."
"Oh boy," said Ripping Dancer as she nervously followed Demented
Disigner into a hallway.
As she left the villains started to discuss the plot to free Bicycle
Repair Lad.
"Oh! Oh! I know! I've got it! The name! Yes, the name!! The name we
just have to call the group that's getting Bicycle Repair Lad! Oh, lord
man. This is good! Hahah! You're going to want to tell your grandkids
this one! It's that good! Oh my sweet Jesus loving God!" Injoker
wiped a tear from his eye as he tried to control the laughter coming
from his mouth. "Oh man this is -- Hahahhahahah! No wait -- here it
is. Oh, Jesus this is too good. Wait. I'm going to say it. I'm
saying it -- I'm -- Let's call it the -- Bawahahahha! *ahem* Okay
seriously this time. Let's -- Let's call it the -- *drum roll please*
-- THE BICYCLE LIBERATION FRONT!!! Am I right?! I'm right!!!
Hahahahhahahahahhahahahhahahahahahahahah!!!!" The Injoker doubled over
with laughter for about two whole minutes. "Oh, God. I think I peed in
my pants!!! Hahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahah!!!!!!"
"I don't get it," said Mynabird.
"Well. Guess you had to be there," said the Injoker.
She didn't miss much.
And in another room...
Rumor Monger held the phone near his head.
"Who am I? Let's just say a concerned citizen with some valuable
information." Rumor Monger smiled to himself.
**** <<--BM-->> ****
End of Part IIBeginning of Part III
**** <<--BM-->> ****
"Yes. And thank you again. Of course. The reward money will go to the
usual account. Keep me informed of any new developments. Of course.
And thank you concerned citizen." Hex Luthor hung up the white house phone.
"That was an informant I have working for the LNV. It appears that the
LNV is planning on breaking out Bicycle Repair Lad. Bicycle Repair
Lad." Hex thought about that for a moment. "Bicycle Repair Lad. Why
him? Why would the LNV want him? It doesn't make any sense. He's
totally useless. Am I missing something? What am I missing? Toony?"
"Do you want me to set up a team to stop them?" said Irony Man.
"Yes. Do that. Fill it with nothing but Freedom Chip Heroes. And
bring the Ultimate Savior with you."
"Is that really necessary? I don't trust him. There's something wrong
about him."
"I don't care. He'll be on your team. I want you to make sure that
Bicycle Repair Lad doesn't escape, but I want him alive. And try to
capture Ripping Dancer alive. The rest? Well, they don't matter. Dead
or captured. We need to send Mynabird a message that we won't tolerate
this type of action."
"Ripping Dancer's with them?" said Irony Man with a shocked look.
"Yes. That won't be a problem, will it?"
"No." Irony Man shook his head.
"Good. And now I wanted to talk to you about your old teammate
Continuity Champ..."
Before the two of them could do that though a flash of light interrupted
them. Out of the flash emerged the timetraveler known as Charlie Hustle.
"This is wrong. This timeline. It shouldn't be like this! Something
has changed! It's no good!"
"Ah. Mr. Hustle. What an unexpected surprise. You should have told me
you were coming. I would have made arrangements to set up a proper
meeting. You already know Irony Man of course. Something troubling you?"
"It's all wrong! Don't you know? This! The Ultimate Ninja shouldn't
be leading the LNH at this stage! Irony Man or Fearless Leader -- they
should be leading! Not the Ultimate Ninja!!"
"He's not. It's a duplicate of the Ultimate Ninja that is totally under
my control. Why did you come here, Hustle?"
"A duplicate? Then where's the real ninja?"
"He's -- He was being imprisoned. But he escaped. I don't know where
he's at. But don't worry about it. It's under control. He won't be a
problem."
"You don't know where the Ultimate Ninja is at? It's all going wrong.
Where did I make my mistake? Must think. Got to get away from here.
Everything's going to die. Gotta go to the past. Maybe there's still
time. Got to go to..." Charlie Hustle flashed away from the room.
"Umm, Hex? Shouldn't we be concerned by that? What just happened?"
"It's nothing, Toony. Hustle must have picked up some time traveling
disease, which has made him go crazy. That happens all the time. What
he was talking about made no sense. Why would he want Fearless Leader
in charge? It's -- it's nonsense. Don't listen to..."
"Don't listen? Don't listen? Charlie Hustle is the reason I made this
devil's bargain with you! And now I'm not supposed to listen to him?!
God. He's right. It's all going wrong. What am I doing here?"
"It wasn't just Hustle! It was your own future self who told you this
was necessary! Are you going to ignore your own future self?! You
can't back out of this Toony! You're too far in. You've got to keep
going! Hustle's wrong! I've got an ace in the hole, Toony! Something
no one knows about! I can't lose! We can't lose!"
"An ace is the hole? What is it, Hex? What is this goddamn deus ex
machina you have?"
"I -- I can't say, Toony. I can't discuss it. You'll have to believe
me though. I still need your help, Toony. Continuity Champ. I need to
know where he is."
"Continuity Champ? He's retired. I don't know where he is. He doesn't
have powers anymore. Why do you want him?"
"You have to find him, Toony! He's necessary in my plan to save the
world! You have to find him! We can still save the world, Toony! We can!"
"I'll see what I can do. I'm not going to make any promises, Hex. But
I'll let you know." Irony Man started to walk out of the Oval Office.
"Good. Toony. We will save the world. We will."
Irony Man looked back at Hex and didn't say anything.
**** <<--BM-->> ****
"You don't really trust her, do you?"
Mynabird turned his head around to see who was speaking to him. "I
don't trust anyone, Romantic Innuendo. But even if she's lying what's
the worse that could happen? We'll still be breaking out a prison
filled with wrongly imprisoned people who I'm sure will be ever so
grateful to us for that."
"It could be a trap."
"Everything could be a trap. Besides, it's not like I'll be going
along. You're jealous, aren't you?"
"Jealous? Of her? Don't make me laugh. I could make every man and
woman in this world my love slave if I wanted too. I'm just concerned
that you're being manipulated by a pretty face."
"No. There was only one woman that I could and have ever loved."
"Aww -- That's so sweet. But back to Ripping Dancer -- there are ways
to make her more loyal."
"How -- no wait. I know what you're getting at. It's an interesting
idea. But who would you make her fall in love with? It couldn't be me
-- I have no time for some moon-eyed girl. But someone loyal to me?
Yes. That could work."
"I already have the perfect person in mind," Romantic Innuendo said with
a mischievous smile. "Do I have your permission?"
Mynabird leaned back in his chair and pondered the notion for a bit.
And finally he said, "Yes. Do it."
**** <<--BM-->> ****
"Obscure Trivia Lad! Glad I could find you! Got a question for you,"
said an out of breath Occultism Kid running towards Obscure Trivia Lad's
room.
"Oh, hello, Occultism Kid. Obscure Trivia Lad was just kicking back in
his room thinking about how the brightly colored leheria turbans were
male business attire in Rajasthan, India during the 19th and early 20th
centuries. What question would you like Obscure Trivia Lad to answer?"
"Uhh -- right. Look -- back in the 90s you were kind of Continuity
Champ's sidekick, right?"
Obscure Trivia Lad nodded his head. "That would be true."
"So the thing is -- well, I need to find the Cosmic Plot Device -- or at
least a fragment or two. The LNH computers don't really have much info
on it. The last mention of it was slightly after Cry.Sig. Some battle
Continuity Champ had with Dr. Killfile. So what I want to ask is, did
Continuity Champ ever discuss with you the aftermath of the battle.
What ever happened to the Cosmic Plot Device pieces?"
Obscure Trivia Lad nodded. "Occultism Kid, could you shut Obscure
Trivia Lad's door?"
"Umm, sure." Occultism Kid closed the door behind him.
"Obscure Trivia Lad knows where one of the Cosmic Plot Device fragments
is. Here. Right here." Obscure Trivia Lad pointed towards his chest.
His liquid metal body started to open his chest up. Occultism Kid
could see it. A fragment of the Cosmic Plot Device.
"Lord. You've had it all this time?"
Obscure Trivia Lad nodded. "It anchors Obscure Trivia Lad's soul to his
artificial body. Without it Obscure Trivia Lad would be dead."
"I see. And only Continuity Champs knows about this?"
"Killfile knows. He was the one who created Obscure Trivia Lad's body."
"Interesting. I wonder why he never bothered to retrieve it. Amazing.
No one's been able to detect it for all these years? I wasn't even
able to. There must be something about the material your body is made
out of that obscures detection. Incredible. Look, Obscure Trivia Lad,
I need to cast a spell on it -- see if I can locate the other fragments
-- Is that all right?"
"Obscure Trivia Lad gives you permission."
Occultism Kid made a few gestures and chanted a few ancient verses and
focused his mind on the exposed fragment. "I'm in a place. A familiar
place. Where have I seen this place before? Must go outside. Outside
the walls. Into the sky. Oh no. Oh God. Not here. This isn't good.
Bad. Very bad. This is very bad." Occultism Kid broke off his link.
"Did you find the other parts?"
"Yes. Look. I don't want you to tell anyone else about the fragment.
No one. And keep it hidden within you. I've got to go." Occultism
quickly rushed out of Obscure Trivia Lad's room.
As he sped into the hallway he bumped into Irony Man.
"Whoah! In a hurry Occultism Kid?"
"Yes. Sorry." Occultism Kid was about to rush away when a thought
occurred to him. Why was Irony Man walking down here? What did he
want? "Umm -- Just out of curiosity -- umm -- where are you going?"
"Oh, just wanted to talk to Obscure Trivia Lad. Wondered if he might
know where Continuity Champ was these days."
Continuity Champ? Irony Man and Hex Luthor were close. This wasn't a
coincidence. He couldn't allow Irony Man to talk with Obscure Trivia
Lad. He had to handle this some way. "Continuity Champ? What a
strange coincidence. I was just asking Obscure Trivia Lad about him
too. But he doesn't know where he is. But look -- the moment I find
out where Continuity Champ is I'll be the first to tell you. Okay?"
Hopefully this would work.
"Umm -- sure. Thanks. Looks like you saved me some time. Well, better
get to that meeting then. Thanks again, Occultism Kid."
Occultism Kid gave a sigh of relief. Now the hard part. Finding a way
to get back the Cosmic Plot Device fragment from Hex Luthor. Need to
think of a plan.
**** <<--BM-->> ****
A few weeks later...
Fearless Leader lifted the eye patch from his left eye and glanced at
the robotic parrot on his left shoulder and the cutlass in his right
hand. "This feels wrong, Gothic Gorilla. Being dressed like a pirate.
Do we really have to do this like this?"
"*Ahem* you mean Godless Gorilla, don't you, Dr. Repeat Pirate. And of
course the disguises are completely necessary if we want to throw Hex
Luthor off our trail."
"Shiver me timbers!" squawked Fearless Leader's robo-parrot.
"Yes. I know. But the parrot? Was that really necessary?"
"Well, are we ready to do this?" asked an impatient Knife Fight Dude
dressed in a Pope Lizard-saurus costume ready with his Big Ass Knife.
"Let's walk the plank!" squawked Fearless Leader's robo-parrot.
"I've already teleported all life that was inside the plant off to a
safe distance," replied the Gothic Gorilla. "All we need to do now is
get in there and place the explosives and..." Before the Gothic Gorilla
could continue with that sentence a large explosion rocked the entire area.
"God! It's the factory! Someone blew it up before we could!" said
Captain Napalm dressed like Robert Duvall in a disappointed voice.
"But who?" Fearless Leader started to ask. And then he heard several
gun clicks from behind the bushes.
"Us. Put up your hands LNH'rs!"
Fearless Leader turned around and saw a bunch of masked men with guns
reveal themselves.
"The factory didn't have any Freedom Chips. It was just filled with
death traps for any heroes stupid enough to go into it. And that's why
we blew it up. It would have made this damn Beige Midnight story longer
and longer. Me and my friends are the
'LNH-Readers-Who-Are-Sick-To-Death-With-These-Damn-Neverending-Events-Liberation
Front!' We're here to end this Beige Midnight Story once and for all!"
"Death to Beige Midnight!" shouted the rest of the masked men.
"Look, citizen," said Fearless Leader trying to calm them down. "Me and
my fellow heroes in the LNH are doing our best to end this whole Beige
Midnight event to the best of our abilities. I just ask you to be more
patient and..."
"Patient!? The LNH is filled with tons of nearly omnipotent members
that could snap their fingers and end this whole Beige Midnight
travesty! Do Deja Dude, Munchkin Man, and Opinionated Lad ring any bells?"
"I think Opinionated Lad might be on vacation. And the other two -- I
don't think they have the ability to stop this. Look, citizen..."
"All we want is to go back to the way the LNH used to be! Just because
DC and Marvel are filled with these never-ending events -- doesn't mean
the LNH has to do them also! I mean when Infinite Leadership Crisis
started I kind of liked it, but it didn't end. It turned into Beige
Countdown and 58.5. And now Beige Midnight! (Which was supposed to be
over by April 29th!) It just keeps going on and on and on!"
"I promise you citizen, that we will do our best to end this Beige
Midnight event. I promise. Maybe we can get this whole thing stopped
in say -- November?"
"November? Very well. We'll give you till November. But if it's still
going on there will be hell to pay!"
"Death to Beige Midnight!" shouted the
LNH-Readers-Who-Are-Sick-To-Death-With-These-Damn-Neverending-Events-Liberation
Front.
"Death to Beige Midnight!" squawked Fearless Leader's robo-parrot.
"Oh, brother," sighed Fearless Leader.
**** <<--BM-->> ****
The curtains were down. Darkness filled the room. In the middle of a
cheap skuzzy hotel room sat the Ultimate Ninja. The Real One. A
blindfold covered his eyes. He could hear a buzzing. A fly buzzing around.
With a flash of his hand, he threw his Ginsu Katana at incredible
speeds. So fast in fact that there was a large sonic boom. He heard
two halves of the fly hit the carpet.
"Too slow. Need to be quicker. Coma left me weak. Not Ultimate. Need
to be Ultimate. But I will be. Soon."
The ninja closed his hands in meditation.
"Then they all die."
**** <<--BM-->> ****
Outside one of Hex Luthor's secret prisons...
A guard noticed something on the ground. Some kind of string or thread.
He walked over to pick it up. "Cool," he said to himself as he played
with the thread.
"What you got?" asked the other guard.
"Nothing. Just some thread I found on the ground."
"Let me look."
The guard with the thread dangled it in front of the other guard. "Here
see," he said in a taunting manner.
"Hah. Funny. You know what I meant. I want to look at it in my hand.
Give it to me."
"No. Get your own damn thread."
"I said give it to me. Give me that thread!"
"Go to hell!"
"What did you say? What did you say to me?!" The threadless guard
grabbed the guard's hand that held the thread. The guard with the
thread gave the attacking guard a hard push and the two fell down to the
ground wrestling each other for the thread.
As they wrestled for the thread, three figures emerged from the shadows.
"Impressive," said Ripping Dancer who was dressed in a black jump suit
-- a typical jewel thief type outfit.
"They don't call them the Threads of Conflict for nothing," said a big
man in a bear suit wearing a belt and vest that was covered in spools of
thread. A supervillain called Thread Bear.
The third figure walked over to a computerized security access panel and
held her hand over it. "There. I've disabled all of the alarms and
cell locks. We're good to go." Her name was Vector Sublime. A living
virus. She was also dressed in a black jump suit.
As the three entered the building, Vector Sublime's eyes flashed red
light. "I can sense something here. You two, go free Bicycle Repair
Lad. I need to go investigate this." Vector Sublime flew down a hallway.
"What was that all about?" asked Ripping Dancer.
Thread Bear shrugged his hands. "Beats me."
"Well, guess we better find Bicycle Repair Lad, huh?" Ripping Dancer
took out a computer device that showed a map of the Secret Prison that
Rumor Monger had given them. According to the map, Bicycle Repair Lad
was supposed to be in cell number 16. "We should go in that direction.
Pretty quiet here, don't you think? Guess I expected more guards."
"Yeah. Keep your eyes open. We're probably going to meet some sooner
or later."
"And turn left here. Those Threads of Conflict? What are they exactly?
Just curious."
"They are ancient mystical weapons created by the Bear Gods."
"The Bear Gods?"
"Yes. The Bear Gods. Not many people know this, but the Looniverse was
actually created by Bears."
"Really? I always heard that it was like these nerdy college kids who
created the Looniverse."
Thread Bear shook his head. "No. Actually, the nerdy college kids are
bears in disguise. This is the real truth. But not many people know
this truth."
"How did you get the Threads of Conflict?"
"The Bear Gods came to me in my dreams when I was a small child. They
showed me how to summon the Threads of Conflict. I am this generation's
Thread Bear. There have been Thread Bears since the dawn of mankind.
Each one a warrior destined to fight the Bear Killer and save all
bearkind from it. It is a fight that neither the Thread Bear or Bear
Killer can walk away from. They both die in battle with each other and
a new Thread Bear and Bear Killer are chosen. And the cycle continues."
"That's actually very sad. You're given a power for the sole purpose of
sacrifice? How do you deal with it? Do you know when your battle with
the Bear Killer takes place?"
"No. But someday it will come. And I will be ready for it. But until
that time comes, I do what I need to do to survive. Rob banks and
whatever."
"Working for Mynabird."
"Yes. Working for him. But he is a good man, Ripping Dancer. Others
have laughed at me. Thought I was too lame for their supervillain
groups -- their plans. But not Mynabird. He saw the greatness inside
me. He sees the greatness in all of us. He sees the greatness in you,
Ripping Dancer. We are all part of his great plan. A plan that will
right the wrongs of the world. That will make us Kings and Queens.
Believe in Mynabird, Ripping Dance. He is our hope for a better future."
It was strange. She felt a closeness with Thread Bear. The rest of the
LNV were bloody thirsty psychopaths, but she felt safe with Thread Bear.
There was something noble about him. Good about him. Gentle about
him. These past few weeks that she had been part of the LNV they had
started to form a bond with each other. And feelings were starting to
develop. Feelings she had never really had for Fearless Leader. She
had wanted to have them, but they never came. And now she was feeling
these feelings for Thread Bear. Confusing feelings. Some feelings that
made her feel ashamed. Feelings of need. Of want. Of desire. It was
like Thread Bear was the only thing keeping her sane. She needed to be
near him. Were these feelings love? Was that what they were? She
didn't know. Whatever these feelings were, they were starting to scare
her. "You think so? Take a right here."
Thread Bear snorted. "I know so."
"Well, I think this is it. Cell #16. Funny. Guess I expected that
we'd run into at least one guard. This simple? I guess we don't need
to call the outside team. I wonder what happened to Vector Sublime.
She should be back by now, don't you think? Guess we'll look for her
after we get Bicycle Repair Lad out. Well, suppose we should do this.
Ready?" Ripping Dancer's hand reached out for the cell door knob. Then
she hesitated. It couldn't be this simple, could it? Maybe it would.
Maybe? Oh well. Just do it. Open the door.
She opened the cell door. Bicycle Repair Lad was nowhere to be seen.
Instead the entire prison cell was filled with Freedom Chip Heroes and
the LNH'r Irony Man stood in the front of the pack. Irony Man waved his
metal suited finger in a naughty-naughty manner as he shook his metal
head. "Ripping Dancer. Ripping Dancer. Tut -- tut. You should know
by now -- it's never simple. Never. And yes, you should probably call
the outside team. You're definitely going to need their help. Oh, yes.
Definitely." Irony Man stepped forward as his hands crackled with
Irony. "Oh, btw -- the LNH always wins. Just so you know.
**** <<--BM-->> ****
To Be Continued...
**** <<--BM-->> ****
Credits:
Ideas for Beige Midnight by Saxon Brenton, Lalo Martins, Martin Phipps,
Rob Rogers, and Arthur Spitzer...
Dekay and Diskolor, The Bryttle Brothers created by Todd "Scavenger"
Kogutt, used with permission...
Hexadecimal Luthor created by Chris Hare and reinvented by Saxon Brenton...
HexFire Club
Manga Man - Craig Thomas Judd
Mr. Tiddles - Saxon Brenton
Mr. Nasty (Ultimate Savior) - Martin Phipps
wReamicus Maximus (Ultimate Ninja) - wReam
Irony Man - Doug Moran
LNH'rs
4-Color Kid - Scavenger
Kid Kirby - Jameel Al Khavitz
Catalyst Lass - Elisabeth Riba
HellCatalyst - Jeff McCoskey
Revamp Lass II - Jeff McCoskey
Ultimate Ninja - wReam
Bicycle Repair Lad - Chris Hare
Procrastination Boy - Unknown
Steak-and-Potatoes Man - uplink
Fuzzy - Connie Hirsch
Fourth Wall Lass - Saxon Brenton
Retcon Lad - Saxon Brenton
Anal-Retentive Archive Kid - Saxon Brenton
Obnoxious Ame.rec.a Boy - Jamas Enright
Lenny the squirrel - Saxon Brenton
Net.Elementalist - Jamas Enright
The Bicycle Liberation Front - Saxon Brenton
Occultism Kid II - Josh Geurick
Lurking Girl - Tori Fike
Continuity Champ - Drizzt
Multi-Tasking Man - Jeff Coleburn
Obscure Trivia Lad - Brian Perler
Teenfactor - Tom Russell
Fearless Leader - Dave Van Domelen
Cannon Fodder - wReam
Kid Anarky - Stephan Savoie
Knife Fight Dude - Arthur Spitzer
Captain Napalm - Unknown
Nomex Man - Unknown
Dr. Stomper - T. M. Neeck
Cheeezar - Kyle Lucke
Easily-Discovered Man Lite - Rob Rogers
LNV'rs -
Ripping Dancer - Arthur Spitzer
Legion of Net.Villains - Unknown
Lagneto - Jef Kolodziej
Alt.imate Ninja - Rob Rogers
Mynabird (suit) - Rob Rogers
(mite) - Arthur Spitzer
Flying.Altogether.Too.Naked.Villain - Kyle Lucke
(and costume description ripped from Quest for Cheeze)
Descartes the Pink Tarantula - Arthur Spitzer
Vector Sublime - Rob Rogers and Arthur Spitzer
Diceman - Jay Leigh Volk
Continuity Porn Star - Arthur Spitzer
Londonbroil - Rob Rogers
Pencil Rain - Jameel Al Khavitz
Rumor Monger - wReam
Plum Master - Arthur Spitzer
Mind-o-Saurus - Arthur Spitzer
Color-Error Man - Drizzt
Color-Error Man's Brother-In-Law - Arthur Spitzer
Demented Disigner - Drizzt
Injoker - Unknown
Romantic Innuendo - wReam
Godless Gorilla - Arthur Spitzer
Dr. Repeat Pirate - Arthur Spitzer
Thread Bear - Timothy Toner
Others -
Dr. Killfile - Steven Librande
Aunt Comic Relief - wReam
The Gothic Gorilla - Arthur Spitzer
Very Disturbed Scary Creature Man - Arthur Spitzer
Mr. Homage - Drizzt
Charlie Hustle - Rob Rogers
Pope Lizard-saurus - Arthur Spitzer
'LNH-Readers-Who-Are-Sick-To-Death-With-These-Damn-
Neverending-Events-Liberation Front - Arthur Spitzer
Ultimate Savior - Arthur Spitzer
Arthur's Notes:
What is this? Like Part 482 of 493? Or something like that?
But Seriously...
I did make some attempt to help a new reader understand some of the junk
that's happening here... (not a great attempt)
If you are a new reader who by chance stumbled onto this issue for your
first LNH story... well you should probably know that Beige Midnight is
kind of the third part in a trilogy.
With Infinite Leadership Crisis being the first part...
http://www.lnhq.info/wiki/Infinite_Leadership_Crisis
And Beige Countdown being the second part...
http://www.lnhq.info/wiki/Beige_Countdown
So reading both of those first might help you understand this whole
thing a lot better... but you don't have to do that. You can just read
this if you want. Hope you understand it.
Beige Noon was an event referenced in Scavenger's Lurk of Faith
miniseries...
http://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Series/501.Blues/Lurk.Faith.gz
The whole Ripping Dancer subplot got its start here...
http://lists.eyrie.org/pipermail/racc/2006-May/001915.html
The whole Hex Luthor as President subplot got started here...
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.comics.lnh/msg/1702a738613dd862?dmode=source
And the corrupt Irony Man subplot began here...
http://lists.eyrie.org/pipermail/racc/2006-September/002472.html
Hopefully issue two will be ready to be posted by next week, but who
knows...
Arthur "Death to Beige Midnight" Spitzer
