No, this is not a mistake.
This was a story in the LNH2 imprint. This means it's an ALTERNATE
future - perhaps not the most likely, probably not the one the
authors plan for the characters. You're warned.
Also, Acra Flight is (in principle) a tightly knit mini-series,
so don't expect to understand the stuff too well if you haven't
read the previous issues, and even then, you won't understand
it fully until you read the whole arc. Sorry. :-)
****************************************************************
"All right", said Analysis, son of Out-of-it Lass and master of
connections and deductions. "We have a threat perhaps greater
than any we have ever faced. One of our members is out of the
group" (he was refering to Demon Girl, daughter of Demon Boy and
Leviathan Lass of the LOH, who was able to mutate into any demon
she can name). "Perhaps I'm spending too much time with
Blackbird, but if he were here, he'd say bad news attract bad
news. So, of course, as soon as we learned Kathy" (Demon Girl)
"wouldn't be coming back, Blackbird went away too. Which is a bit
aggravated by the fact that he is our leader, and the other fact
that they were the only two of us with really offensive powers."
"I can take care of myself", said Green, the Life Spirit of a
dead world, child of Green Trenchcoat of the LOH with, well, his
own alter-ego.
"Point taken. But apart from you, SoWhat is only six years old,
and her power of disbelieving other people's powers is defensive
at best. Blur isn't even solid... of course, he wouldn't have
problem nocking someone down, as the conscious abstraction of
blurry and uncertain things, but it would take too long."
"And this finishes your recap of the team."
"Not quite. I haven't mentioned Professor and Teacher, who are
avatars of two powerful cosmic entities, and one of the previous
Time Crappers. The three of them and us would probably be enough
to fix almost anything, but of course, bad news attract bad
news..."
"Yeah. After Blackbird was gone, they decided we're too fragile,
and told us to stay here as they look for the new new new Time
Crapper."
"Perhaps we could go looking for Blackbird, at least."
"That wouldn't be against our orders", SoWhat observes.
"And I know exactly the person to seek. Someone who's seen a lot
of weirdness."
"Good idea", said a new voice from the door. "I'm going with
you."
"Kathy?"
----------------------------------------------------------------
Who Cares Studio presents:
ACRA FLIGHT
#7
In Which Plotlines Are Explained And Joined To Exaustion
A Legion of Net.Heroes title. Any similarities the characters
and events described in this story have with real life
characters and events - or with characters and events in your
stories for that matter - unless otherwise stated are purely
coincidental.
Most characters (see end of message) and this story are
copyright (C) 2001 by Fernando "Lalo" Martins. Other
characters are (C) by their creators as credited below.
The text of the story may be copied in any form or medium, for
any purposes, provided that the text is copied verbatim. To use
parts of it, or to create derivative works, please contact the
author at mailto:lalo@laranja.org
----------------------------------------------------------------
Weirdness and music were the keys to the realm of the Jelly
Queen. Usually, the weirdness has to be led by the most serious
person in the party, which right now would mean Green.
Their morale recovered by the return of Demon Girl - even if she
wasn't quite the same person - and by Analysis' plan, the Acra
Flight gathered in Blackbird's room and stuck one old movie tape
in the player. It was a weird, very videoclip-ish musical filled
with pop quotations of famous songs from the 20th century; but
the movie itself was from the 21st, and set in the 19th. Which
made it the perfect portal for their current problem.
At a certain point, a green fairy in the screen addressed the
children:
"What do you want?"
"We want to cross to the Jelly Queen's realm", was Blur's answer.
"Why?"
And then Green shouted, louder than he ever raised his voice in
his whole life.
"Because we can! Can! Can!"
And then they were there.
================================================================
"So, you plan to use this weak-wall period to push the stories
trough, and somehow keep our timeline from happening?", said
Blackbird.
"I already did the first part, actually", answered the Misterious
Villain Erroneously Referred To As The New New Time
Crapper. "Only one thing is missing in my plan."
"Yes?", asked the boy with renewed interest. "What?"
"You'll find out when your friends get here."
"My friends? The Flight is coming?"
"Why, of course they are. Even if I'm acting for the common
good, in literary terms I'm the villain of the Acra Flight
mini, and minis always end with everyone gathered in the
villain's base."
"BOAV didn't."
"BOAV was everything but a mini. And it didn't actually end, of
course."
Blackbird stared at the emptiness; his face changed from
confused to thoughtful, then, after a while, to resolute.
"Fine. I'm ready for them."
================================================================
(this part mostly by Martin Phipps, or under his inspiration)
(thanks)
All-Knowing-Last-Chance-Whiner-Destiny Woman sat with her child,
All-Knowing-Last-Chance-Whiner-Destiny Girl, sitting on her lap.
"We're doomed," the young girl sobbed. "Doomed!"
"Oh for heaven's sake!" Sarcastic Boy complained. "When is
Destiny's child going to stop whining!"
A gold, black, fuscia and electic-blue hole in reality opened
right in the middle of the HQ, spitting Professor, Teacher and
the old Time Crapper.
"Deja Dude! Come forth!"
Instead, Deja Dude II came forth. With his Generation Zed
friends.
"My father isn't here. Never been, actually, except that he was
writing the stories."
"So you admit it!"
"What?"
"That he was the one posting stories about our time to 2001, to
wipe out our timeline!"
{Well}, said Deja Dude from 2001, {technically I posted a few of
them to 2000. Mostly because I thought it would be fun. I never
expected the imprint to be adopted by someone else.}
"I don't quite buy it", said Professor. "The only posts we know
about are yours. And you had a reason - you didn't want your son
to grow up in a cyberpunky corporation-owned world..."
{As opposed to the real world of my time which is owned by Bill
Gates, Rupurt Murdock and the board of directors of
AOL-Time-Warner, Disney, Coke, Pepsi, Apple, Sun, Seagrams and
Sony.}
"Hmm..."
{LNH2 was meant to be a parody. Nice coincidence that a few
months later AOL bought Time-Warner. *YOUR* author chose to turn
it into a kind of protest. Go get him.}
"But our author never wrote for LNH2! Actually, she's been
missing for quite some time..."
{Not your original author. She doesn't have anything to do with
this, except for the fact that she found it cool to see you two
married. I'm talking about the author of Acra Flight.}
"What? He doesn't even have a WC!"
{You need to catch up with the archives.}
================================================================
"Oh, hi dears!", is what Brittany, the Jelly Queen, said to
the Acra Flight when they entered her realm.
"Hello aunt Brit", answered Analysis. "Have you seen Blackbird,
by chance?"
"If he's down", she replied, "this is probably the last place
he'd come."
"Yes. I didn't expect any other answer, but it doesn't hurt to
ask, does it?"
"Of course not. What hurts", she added, "is this thing happening
with the tense."
"Tense? Who's tense?"
"Never mind. Perhaps my husband can help you. It's him you came
for, right?"
"Yes. If we wanted to *do* weird things, of course you'd be our
expert of choice. When we have to *deal* with them, he's the
man."
"Of course. And I'm proud of him. Go on, you know where it is. I
believe he has guests."
The Acra Flight walked to the area of the realm where things
look like computer graphics. Not high-quality 3-D, never! Old,
pixelated, luminescent green-phosphorum CGA sprites.
"Mr. King?", Demon Girl called, cautiously.
"Kathy? Is it you?"
Blackbird walked from behind a Lode Runner I wall.
"Hey! Cheerless leader! We were looking for you", said Blur.
"Yes", observed Analysis. "I see now. The tense."
But Blackbird was already running toward Demon Girl, who dodged
him.
"Kathy?"
"Blackbird... don't. Not now. This is not the time."
"No", said Analysis. "This *IS* the time! This is all about
time..."
Of course, the rest of the group ignored him.
"Yes, whatever", said Green. "What are you doing here?"
"Playing Doom, of course. What else would I do in a fit of
depression?"
"I don't know. Sleep? Read porn?"
"Happens. I still prefer old games. And I happened to know just
the person... a friend who is obssessed by them."
"Oh yes", said Demon Girl. "The King. He's the one we came to
see."
"We were looking for Blackbird", pointed out SoWhat. "Now that
we found him, we can say hello to the King just to be polite and
go away. I'll miss my cartoons."
"Well", said the King. "So, hello."
And then, gold-black-fuscia-electric-blue erupted from the
phosphorum green, setting off the stylish gray of the King's
clothes, and spitting out Professor, Teacher and the old Time
Crapper.
"We got here in time! We'll stop you... what?"
"But... it's the Flight!"
"What are you doing here, kids? I thought we told you *NOT* to
go after the new new new Crapper."
"We didn't. We were after Blackbird, and we just found him",
said Demon Girl, which will make Professor and Teacher finally
realize that the team was complete again. Time paradox?
"Wait. You found him *HERE*? With the King?"
"Yes. What's the problem?"
"Hi, sis", interrupted the Queen. For the first time in years,
she appeared in her full human form, out of her cartoonish
realm. "Missed me?"
"The problem", hissed Professor as he stepped between Blackbird
and the King of Digital Weirdness, "is that the King is the new
new new Crapper."
"By the authority of our Cosmic powers", said Teacher, "you're
under interdiction on the charge of messing with time and trying
to obliterate realities. Surrender to us, Weirdness Magnet."
"Holy pixel, I haven't used that name in years."
================================================================
"You're very powerful, all right, and of course Brit will be
helping you, but don't understimate me and Sarah. And the
Flight, of course. There are only the two of you."
"Sorry", Blackbird said. "Three. You didn't really think I came
here against my will or something, did you?"
"But... but..."
"Don't start. He's not a villain. He's not even trying to
obliterate our timeline... just trying to create a new one where
the LNH isn't acquired and all that stuff. Matter of principles
for him, you know. 'I could see it in your eyes how proud you
were to fight for freedom in this land', and all that."
"Yes", observed Analysis, "music citations on the verge of the
off-topic were always his trademark. I should have realized."
"I didn't make you realize", WM said. "Or rather, my counterpart
somewhere, when he wrote the story. He wanted me to succeed, of
course."
"You can't!", screamed the Crapper. "You're the villain, and
this is a mini! You have to fail!"
"Says who?"
Just then, a hideous bug creeped from under a stack of program
design sheets and obliterated that specific Crapper out of
continuity, retroactivelly.
"I hated his show, anyway. TV sucks."
"Blackbird" - interjected Teacher. "We know you feel bad for
Kathy. But this doesn't mean you have to wipe out the world. And
besides, look! She's here!"
"Damn, Teacher! This is not about Kathy! Can't you see? I don't
mind if one of us ends up not existing - or both. But this
sold-out world is one where Kathy wants to be a Marketing exec
and not a Net.Hero. One where I will never have her. And by the
way... what *is* she doing here? Since when she cares again? And
what about her parents?"
"I haven't seen my father in a long time", said Demon Girl. "And
my mom actually asked me to come. Sorry, Blackbird. I didn't
want to hurt you..."
"Isn't it a little too late?"
"No, you don't understand. I'm not Kathy."
Right before everyone's eyes, the girl morphed. Not into a
demon, but into a short girl in a tuxedo and strange hat.
"I'm WannaBe Girl. Daughter of Miss WannaBe."
"I remember. The girl who kept hitting on me at Generation Zed's
new year party."
"The same. Sorry, I could never forget you. I find the nerdy,
brooding, timid type so kawaii*..."
* japanese for "cute"
"...that you wanted to be with me if the world was going to
end?" Blackbird scowled.
"Well... not exactly."
"Let me say it for the *LAST* time", exposed Weirdness
Magnet. "This world will *not* end. It will just become
officially an 'alternate' future, instead of a 'possible'
one. Martin created it, so it would be rude to destroy it."
"Neither of this will happen. Two or three, we'll stop you. Acra
Flight! Charge!", motioned Professor.
"Four, actually", interjected WannaBe Girl. "I didn't come here
under disguise to fight Blackbird. Besides, they're right. And I
want a chance to meet..."
"Shh", Weirdness Magnet interrupted. "Not yet."
"Sorry."
"What?", asked Blackbird.
"Well, that's still five against four, if nobody else wants to
change sides."
"We're with you", muttered Analysis, Green, Blur and SoWhat.
"You're wrong", Blackbird shuddered.
"Numbers don't matter", said Weirdness Magnet. "What do you want
to do, fight? Do you think it will make any difference? Haven't
you noticed this is the second post of this same story? My plan
is alread over. All active characters in the LNH of 2001 with a
power to read archives already know about this timeline. One of
them already warned the Ultimate Ninja. You're late to do
anything, by the usual 15 years. And I don't see any crime in
this."
"But if you change history, you may keep Generation Zed and Acra
Flight from being born!"
"That would be an acceptable sacrifice, but it won't happen, as
Martin Phipps was nice enough to write the births of most of
Generation Zed a few weeks before the point in time where my
plan reaches its peak."
"Hey, and what about us?", Green asked.
"Well, I hope to keep you from being born indeed! But that won't
be a sacrifice at all, as you will be in the main timestream
personally... don't you feel a little dizzy? I'm already
transporting the whole Flight to 2001, where you, as the bitter
Acraphobe heroes I created you to be, will fight the rest of
your lives to keep the world from becoming the rathole it
has. This is the 'peak' I referred to."
"Hey! You didn't mention this part of the deal!", protested
Blackbird.
"No I didn't. You wouldn't have accepted. And, of course, that's
why I had to keep you guys talking so long."
"This is cheating."
"Yeah. And it's a satire on Team Titans too, which I'm sure
Martin would approve. Now, bye."
As the Acra Flight (including WannaBe Girl) vanished, everyone
felt a change in the fabric of reality, and the world
"POSSIBLE" was replaced by "ALTERNATE" in the cover notice.
"Is this all?", asked Teacher. "Nothing else changed."
"Wrong. I changed."
"How exactly?"
"I'm satisfied. I have the love I always wanted, which is one of
the few good things I ever wrote about LNH2, and now I kind of
created a whole 'better world'. Now I guess I just have to plant
a tree somewhere."
"And this is what I was here for", interjected Brittany. "I just
love trees, as you all know."
She embraced her husband and the both of them walked away into
the sunset.
****************************************************************
Next issue: last issue. The Acra Flight needs to find a place in
2001, don't they? (And I just love the number 8.)
----------------------------------------------------------------
Emily and Luke Jones (the ex-Teens in Trenchcoats) are (C)
1999, 2000 Ben Rawluk.
LOH, or the Legion of Occult Heroes, is (C) 1994, 1995 Paul
Hardy (whatever happened to him?).
The Misfits are (C) 1995-2000 Jennifer Whitson.
All other characters are my creations, based on those characters
and their stories, except for Blur and The Great Villain who are
all mine!
[]s,
|alo
+----
--
It doesn't bother me that people say things like
"you'll never get anywhere with this attitude".
In a few decades, it will make a good paragraph
in my biography. You know, for a laugh.
--
http://www.laranja.org/ mailto:lalo@laranja.org
pgp key: http://www.laranja.org/pessoal/pgp
Brazil of Darkness (RPG) --- http://www.BroDar.org/
