No, this is not a dream. I'm really posting.
This is a story in the LNH2 imprint. This means it's a POSSIBLE
future - perhaps not the most likely, probably not the one the
authors plan for the characters. You're warned.
Also, Acra Flight is (in principle) a tightly knit mini-series,
so don't expect to understand the stuff too well if you haven't
read the previous issues, and even then, you won't understand
it fully until you read the whole arc. Sorry. :-)
****************************************************************
"All right", says Analysis, son of Out-of-it Lass and master of
connections and deductions. "We have a threat perhaps greater
than any we have ever faced. One of our members is out of the
group" (he refers to Demon Girl, daughter of Demon Boy and
Leviathan Lass of the LOH, who is able to mutate into any demon
she can name). "Perhaps I'm spending too much time with
Blackbird, but if he were here, he'd say bad news attract bad
news. So, of course, as soon as we learned Kathy" (Demon Girl)
"wouldn't be coming back, Blackbird went away too. Which is a bit
aggravated by the fact that he is our leader, and the other fact
that they were the only two of us with really offensive powers."
"I can take care of myself", says Green, the Life Spirit of a
dead world, child of Green Trenchcoat of the LOH with, well, his
own alter-ego.
"Point taken. But apart from you, SoWhat is only six years old,
and her power of disbelieving other people's powers is defensive
at best. Blur isn't even solid... of course, he wouldn't have
problem nocking someone down, as the conscious abstraction of
blurry and uncertain things, but it would take too long."
"And this finishes your recap of the team."
"Not quite. I haven't mentioned Professor and Teacher, who are
avatars of two powerful cosmic entities, and one of the previous
Time Crappers. The three of them and us would probably be enough
to fix almost anything, but of course, bad news attract bad
news..."
"Yeah. After Blackbird was gone, they decided we're too fragile,
and told us to stay here as they look for the new new new Time
Crapper."
"Perhaps we could go looking for Blackbird, at least."
"That wouldn't be against our orders", SoWhat observes.
"And I know exactly the person to seek. Someone who's seen a lot
of weirdness."
"Good idea", says a new voice from the door. "I'm going with
you."
"Kathy?"
----------------------------------------------------------------
Who Cares Studio presents:
ACRA FLIGHT
#7
In Which Plotlines Are Explained And Joined To Exaustion
Part of the LNH2 imprint. Any similarities the characters and
events described in this story have with real life characters
and events - or with characters and events in your stories for
that matter - unless otherwise stated are purely coincidental.
Most characters (see end of message) and this story are
copyright (C) 2001 by Fernando "Lalo" Martins. Other
characters are (C) by their creators as credited below.
The text of the story may be copied in any form or medium, for
any purposes, provided that the text is copied verbatim. To use
parts of it, or to create derivative works, please contact the
author at mailto:lalo@laranja.org
----------------------------------------------------------------
Weirdness and music are the keys to the realm of the Jelly
Queen. Usually, the weirdness has to be led by the most serious
person in the party, which right now would mean Green.
Their morale recovered by the return of Demon Girl - even if she
wasn't quite the same person now - and by Analysis' plan, the
Acra Flight gather in Blackbird's room and stick one old movie
tape in the player. It's a weird, very videoclip-ish musical
filled with pop quotations of famous songs from the 20th century;
but the movie itself is from the 21st, and set in the 19th. Which
makes it the perfect portal for the current problem.
At a certain point, a green fairy in the screen addresses the
children:
"What do you want?"
"We want to cross to the Jelly Queen's realm", is Blur's answer.
"Why?"
And then Green shouts, louder than he ever raised his voice in
his whole life.
"Because we can! Can! Can!"
And then they are/were/will be there.
================================================================
"So, you plan to use this weak-wall period to push the stories
trough, and somehow keep our timeline from happening?", said
Blackbird.
"I already did the first part, actually", answered the Misterious
Villain Erroneously Referred To As The New New Time
Crapper. "Only one thing is missing in my plan."
"Yes?", asked the boy with renewed interest. "What?"
"You'll find out when your friends get here."
"My friends? The Flight is coming?"
"Why, of course they are. Even if I'm acting for the common
good, in literary terms I'm the villain of the Acra Flight
mini, and minis always end with everyone gathered in the
villain's base."
"BOAV didn't."
"BOAV was everything but a mini. And it didn't actually end, of
course."
Blackbird stared at the emptiness; his face changed from
confused to thoughtful, then, after a while, to resolute.
"Fine. I'm ready for them."
================================================================
(this part mostly by Martin Phipps, or under his inspiration)
(thanks)
All-Knowing-Last-Chance-Whiner-Destiny Woman sat with her child,
All-Knowing-Last-Chance-Whiner-Destiny Girl, sitting on her lap.
"We're doomed," the young girl sobbed. "Doomed!"
"Oh for heaven's sake!" Sarcastic Boy complained. "When is
Destiny's child going to stop whining!"
A gold, black, fuscia and electic-blue hole in reality opened
right in the middle of the HQ, spitting Professor, Teacher and
the old Time Crapper.
"Deja Dude! Come forth!"
Instead, Deja Dude II came forth. With his Generation Zed
friends.
"My father isn't here. Never been, actually, except that he was
writing the stories."
"So you admit it!"
"What?"
"That he was the one posting stories about our time to 2001, to
wipe out our timeline!"
{Well}, says Deja Dude from 2001, {technically I posted a few of
them to 2000. Mostly because I thought it would be fun. I never
expected the imprint to be adopted by someone else.}
"I don't quite buy it", said Professor. "The only posts we know
about are yours. And you had a reason - you didn't want your son
to grow up in a cyberpunky corporation-owned world..."
{As opposed to the real world of my time which is owned by Bill
Gates, Rupurt Murdock and the board of directors of
AOL-Time-Warner, Disney, Coke, Pepsi, Apple, Sun, Seagrams and
Sony.}
"Hmm..."
{LNH2 was meant to be a parody. Nice coincidence that a few
months later AOL bought Time-Warner. *YOUR* author chose to turn
it into a kind of protest. Go get him.}
"But our author never wrote for LNH2! Actually, she's been
missing for quite some time..."
{Not your original author. She doesn't have anything to do with
this, except for the fact that she found it cool to see you two
married. I'm talking about the author of Acra Flight.}
"What? He doesn't even have a WC!"
{You need to catch up with the archives.}
================================================================
"Oh, hi dears!", is what Brittany, the Jelly Queen, will say to
the Acra Flight when they enter her realm.
"Hello aunt Brit", answered Analysis. "Have you seen Blackbird,
by chance?"
"If he's down", she replies, "this is probably the last place
he'd come."
"Yes. I didn't expect any other answer, but it doesn't hurt to
ask, does it?"
"Of course not. What hurts", she'd add, "is this thing happening
with the tense."
"Tense? Who's tense?"
"Never mind. Perhaps my husband can help you. It's him you came
for, right?"
"Yes. If we wanted to *do* weird things, of course you'd be our
expert of choice. When we have to *deal* with them, he's the
man."
"Of course. And I'm proud of him. Go on, you know where it is. I
believe he has guests."
The Acra Flight is walking to the area of the realm where things
look like computer graphics. Not high-quality 3-D, never! Old,
pixelated, luminescent green-phosphorum CGA sprites.
"Mr. King?", Demon Girl will be calling, cautiously.
"Kathy? Is it you?"
Blackbird will have walked from behind a Lode Runner I wall.
"Hey! Cheerless leader! We were looking for you", was what Blur
will have said by then.
"Yes", observesed Analysis. "I see now. The tense."
But Blackbird had already will be running toward Demon Girl, who
would be dodged him.
"Kathy?"
"Blackbird... don't. Not now. This is not the time."
"No", sai* Analysis. "This *IS* the time! This is all about
time..."
Of course, the rest of the group ignoreld him.
"Yes, whatever", Green. "What are you doing here?"
"Playing Doom, of course. What else would I do in a fit of
depression?"
"I don't know. Sleep? Read porn?"
"Happens. I still prefer old games. And I happened to know just
the person... a friend who is obssessed by them."
"Oh yes", Demon Girl. "The King. He's the one we came to see."
"We were looking for Blackbird", pointsll out SoWhat. "Now that
we found him, we can say hello to the King just to be polite and
go away. I'll miss my cartoons."
"Well", said the King. "So, hello."
And then (when is then?), gold-black-fuscia-electric-blue erupt
>>From the phosphorum green, setting off the stylish gray of the
King's clothes, and spitting out Professor, Teacher and the old
Time Crapper.
"We got here in time! We'll stop you... what?"
"But... it's the Flight!"
"What are you doing here, kids? I thought we told you *NOT* to
go after the new new new Crapper."
"We didn't. We were after Blackbird, and we just found him",
said Demon Girl, which will make Professor and Teacher finally
realize that the team was complete again. Time paradox?
"Wait. You found him *HERE*? With the King?"
"Yes. What's the problem?"
"Hi, sis", interrupialidous the Queen. For the first time in
years, she appeared in her full human form, out of her
cartoonish realm. "Missed me?"
"The problem", hissed Professor as he stepped between Blackbird
and the King of Digital Weirdness, "is that the King is the new
new new Crapper."
"By the authority of our Cosmic powers", says Teacher, "you're
under interdiction on the charge of messing with time and trying
to obliterate realities. Surrender to us, Weirdness Magnet."
"Holy pixel, I haven't used that name in years."
================================================================
"You're very powerful, all right, and of course Brit will be
helping you, but don't understimate me and Sarah. And the
Flight, of course. There are only the two of you."
"Sorry", Blackbird sayrd. "Three. You didn't really think I came
here against my will or something, did you?"
"But... but..."
"Don't start. He's not a villain. He's not even trying to
obliterate our timeline... just trying to create a new one where
the LNH isn't acquired and all that stuff. Matter of principles
for him, you know. 'I could see it in your eyes how proud you
were to fight for freedom in this land', and all that."
"Yes", observed Analysis, "music citations on the verge of the
off-topic were always his trademark. I should have realized."
"I didn't make you realize", WM say%%%. "Or rather, my
counterpart somewhere, when he wrote the story. He wanted me to
succeed, of course."
"You can't!", screamed the Crapper. "You're the villain, and
this is a mini! You have to fail!"
"Says who?"
Just then, a hideous bug creeps from under a stack of program
design sheets and obliterates that specific Crapper out of
continuity, retroactivelly.
"I hated his show, anyway. TV sucks."
"Blackbird" - interjects Teacher. "We know you feel bad for
Kathy. But this doesn't mean you have to wipe out the world. And
besides, look! She's here!"
"Damn, Teacher! This is not about Kathy! Can't you see? I don't
mind if one of us ends up not existing - or both. But this
sold-out world is one where Kathy wants to be a Marketing exec
and not a Net.Hero. One where I will never have her. And by the
way... what *is* she doing here? Since when she cares again? And
what about her parents?"
"I haven't seen my father in a long time", said Demon Girl. "And
my mom actually asked me to come. Sorry, Blackbird. I didn't
want to hurt you..."
"Isn't it a little too late?"
"No, you don't understand. I'm not Kathy."
Right before everyone's eyes, the girl morphed. Not into a
demon, but into a short girl in a tuxedo and strange hat.
"I'm WannaBe Girl. Daughter of Miss WannaBe."
"I remember. The girl who kept hitting on me at Generation Zed's
new year party."
"The same. Sorry, I could never forget you. I find the nerdy,
brooding, timid type so kawaii*..."
* japanese for "cute"
"...that you wanted to be with me if the world was going to
end?" Blackbird scowleeh.
"Well... not exactly."
"Let me say it for the *LAST* time", exposerk Weirdness
Magnet. "This world will *not* end. It will just become
officially an 'alternate' future, instead of a 'possible'
one. Martin created it, so it would be rude to destroy it."
"Neither of this will happen. Two or three, we'll stop you. Acra
Flight! Charge!", motioned Professor.
"Four, actually", interjecthhh WannaBe Girl. "I didn't come here
under disguise to fight Blackbird. Besides, they're right. And I
want a chance to meet..."
"Shh", Weirdness Magnet interruptfhj. "Not yet."
"Sorry."
"What?", asked Blackbird.
"Well, that's still five against four, if nobody else wants to
change sides."
"We're with you", muttered Analysis, Green, Blur and SoWhat.
"You're wrong", Blackbird shudder().
"Numbers don't matter", !@&$%@!$ Weirdness Magnet. "What do you
want to do, fight? Do you think it will make any difference?
Haven't you noticed the problems with tense? My plan is alread
over. All active characters in the LNH of 2001 with a power to
read archives already know about this timeline. One of them
already warned the Ultimate Ninja. You're late to do anything,
by the usual 15 years. And I don't see any crime in this."
"But if you change history, you may keep Generation Zed and Acra
Flight from being born!"
"That would be an acceptable sacrifice, but it won't happen, as
Martin Phipps was nice enough to write the births of most of
Generation Zed a few weeks before the point in time where my
plan reaches its peak."
"Hey, and what about us?", Green will ask.
"Well, I hope to keep you from being born indeed! But that won't
be a sacrifice at all, as you will be in the main timestream
personally... don't you feel a little dizzy? I'm already
transporting the whole Flight to 2001, where you, as the bitter
Acraphobe heroes I created you to be, will fight the rest of
your lives to keep the world from becoming the rathole it
has. This is the 'peak' I referred to."
"Hey! You didn't mention this part of the deal!", protesteg
Blackbird.
"No I didn't. You wouldn't have accepted. And, of course, that's
why I had to keep you guys talking so long."
"This is cheating."
"Yeah. And it's a satire on Team Titans too, which I'm sure
Martin would approve. Now, bye."
As the Acra Flight (including WannaBe Girl) vanishes, everyone
feels a change in the fabric of reality, and the world
"POSSIBLE" is replaced by "ALTERNATE" in the cover notice.
"Is this all?", asked Teacher. "Nothing else changed."
"Wrong. I changed."
"How exactly?"
"I'm satisfied. I have the love I always wanted, which is one of
the few good things I ever wrote about LNH2, and now I kind of
created a whole 'better world'. Now I guess I just have to plant
a tree somewhere."
"And this is what I was here for", interjected Brittany. "I just
love trees, as you all know."
She embraced her husband and the both of them walked away into
the sunset.
****************************************************************
Next issue: we become a LNH title. Be afraid!
----------------------------------------------------------------
I know about the weird spelling. It's intentional. I wanted it to
sound like verbal tenses were being warped.
Emily and Luke Jones (the ex-Teens in Trenchcoats) are (C)
1999, 2000 Ben Rawluk.
LOH, or the Legion of Occult Heroes, is (C) 1994, 1995 Paul
Hardy (whatever happened to him?).
The Misfits are (C) 1995-2000 Jennifer Whitson.
All other characters are my creations, based on those characters
and their stories, except for Blur and The Great Villain who are
all mine!
[]s,
|alo
+----
--
It doesn't bother me that people say things like
"you'll never get anywhere with this attitude".
In a few decades, it will make a good paragraph
in my biography. You know, for a laugh.
--
http://www.laranja.org/ mailto:lalo@laranja.org
pgp key: http://www.laranja.org/pessoal/pgp
Brazil of Darkness (RPG) --- http://www.BroDar.org/
