This is a story in the LNH2 imprint. This means it's a POSSIBLE
future - perhaps not the most likely, perhaps not the one the
authors plan for the characters. You're warned.
****************************************************************
It all began a few years ago, right after the Apple takeover of
the LNH. The "old timers" of Acraphobe were long gone; after
the horrible end of the Misfits, the quite weird events that
split up my family (once known as Teens in Trenchcoats), the
12th death of Teenfactor, and Minority Miss' departure from the
Looniverse to live with her then-boyfriend, things went
downhill, and fast.
You can sum up by saying that if those stories were submitted
back in 2000 the authors would be told they were too extreme,
and to try the NTB. And if that piece of advice was followed,
it would result in two or three NTB fans severely sick and the
author being told to seek professional help.
By 2012, there were basically five kinds of Acraphobe stories.
Some were so weird that even their authors couldn't make heads
and tails of them after they were done writing. Some were so
angstful that the LNHers used to hold parties when one
character survived for two whole editions. They stopped because
it was becoming common for the character to die (or be captured
by creatures from other planes of existence) in the party
itself. Then some were so filthy that RACC actually put quite a
lot of porn sites out of business, and the archives had to put
them in a section with a "only enter if you're over 18"
guardpage. Some were so bent on making fun of everything we
consider "untouchably serious" that after a few months nothing
was "untouchable" anymore and they started to run out of
subjects. And finally, most of them were all of these things
combined. Go figure.
It was by that time that, one morning, all plants in the world
turned up dead. No, not those inside our bodies. I don't know
man! Perhaps it was only the big plants! Now will you let me
tell the story please? Thank you very much.
You want short? Well, it was out of the league of the LNH and
all the extraweirdos of that time's Acraphobe, so we went out
gathering everyone that could possibly help and Acra Flight is
what we ended up with. Now, want the details? Then shut up and
lemme tell the story.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Who Cares Studio presents:
ACRA FLIGHT
#2
It all began... or will begin...
or would begin... or can begin...
or... oh rats forget it
Part of the LNH2 imprint. Any similarities between the
characters and events described in this story with real life
characters and events - or with characters and events in your
stories for that matter - unless otherwise stated are purely
coincidental.
Most characters (see end of message) and this story are
copyright (C) 2000 by Fernando ``Lalo'' Martins. Other
characters are (C) by their creators as credited below.
The text of the story may be copied in any form or medium, for
any purposes, provided that the text is copied verbatim. To use
parts of it, or to create derivative works, please contact the
author at mailto:lalo@hackandroll.org
----------------------------------------------------------------
Well, by that time aunt Emily had her ranch in Mi.Net.Sotta,
and there lived the four of us. Uh, her husband, I and SoWhat,
I mean. Of course, SoWhat was two years old by that time. I
"officially" lived with my dad, but I spent most of the time on
aunt Emily's, and he spent most of his time with his books, and
that was pretty much fine for both of us. Yes of course I like
the old man... but well, living with him is no heaven exactly.
Anyway. All the plants simply died, and being on a ranch, we
absolutely couldn't help noticing. When I woke up, aunt Emily
was arguing with her husband; she wanted to at least go to the
LNHHQ and see who was checking up on this and what was
happening, and he wanted her to stay out of this. She finally
won the argument... I don't think I never saw her losing one,
actually... then I said I'd tag along and see dad. And we ended
up taking SoWhat, because, well, aunt Emily couldn't be away
from her for more than a few hours.
Well, first we talked to the "main" LNH. Of course they were
looking into the problem; but by that time this meant checking
up every single villain in the archives, which would take a few
days. Then we went to the active groups with a mystical tone,
but they were all either out of the universe or looking for
deeper meanings of either life, the plant problem, or some TV
show, because the holistic mystic belief of that time was that
it wouldn't do to fix a problem, you have to find the deeper
meaning and fix it there, whatever that meant. I'm glad I
wasn't active in THAT dark ages.
So of course we did what, in the last 18 years or so, everyone
does on these situations; visit Occultism Kid. By that time most
old-timers changed their names from This Kid and That Lass to
This Man and That Woman, but "uncle Occie" had long lost the
notion of time anyway, so he didn't care and Occultism Kid was
good enough for him.
We kindly asked the door to let us in, yes the door in the
LNHHQ, and it welcomed us, with a smile which never meant
anything good in all the time I know the damn... well, door.
So we entered the pan-dimensional space Occie's room had turned
into in the few years before that, only to find a very heated
discussion. As we left Occie's presence gravitate us to the
more stable area where it's even possible to sit down, we
started to discern the voices; Occie, of course, plus dad,
Analysis (yes, he didn't go by that name then) and some
scientist in an exoskeleton... I don't remember his name, I was
told he was really good but his body was too weak so he finally
had to retire, when he became completely incapable of
communicating. Then Hack++, the daughter of that couple from
Teenfactor, made him the exoskeleton and he could get back to
work... yes, so you heard of him, nice. Well, the four of them
were discussing the nature of the gods or something and having
coffee... actually Analysis was having milk, I think... yes,
Occie can drink coffee even without a body, don't ask me... oh
yes and dad was smoking one of those awful cigars, not that he
likes them but he thinks they're obligatory for the image of an
aging mystic scholar. He wasn't even close to aging yet, but
you weren't supposed to tell him that if you knew what was
good. Dammit, he even dyed his hair gray!
Anyway, aunt Emily asked them about the plants, only to be
faced by four puzzled faces. It figured they had been going at
that for days.
"Luke", said aunt Emily, "you DO realize that you can't age if
you don't grow up first, right?"
"What do you want, Emily? I'm sorry if the imbalance in the
forces of the Green Realm spoiled your weedle ranch. That
hillbilly excuse for a husband you carry around must be pretty
upset right? Did he cry over the potatoes? Oh no it's the
carrots he loves right?"
"Cammon kids, no fighting here", interrupted Occultism Kid.
"I don't think they can help it", I said, while I played with
some voodoo dolls. "So you think it's an imbalance in the Green
Realm too, uncle Occie?"
"Well, that's pretty much obvious... hey don't touch that pin,
we don't want the CEO of Apple to get sick..."
"YOU HAVE A VOODOO DOLL OF THE APPLE CEO???"
"Well, in a sense I work for him. It would be stupid not to.
But that's not what we were talking about..."
"Yes", said dad again, "you probably came for information
right? If that's the idea, I think you have what you wanted and
you can leave us now. Unless you want Occie to try some
rituals, but then you should have brought the goat... or what?
You want help? Occie can't leave the room anymore, you know..."
"Actually", said Analysis, "he IS the room, since..."
"Yes thank you", dad went on, yes he knows how to deal with
Analysis <heheh> "and I would do what? Throw books at whoever
caused this? Or recite their names?"
"Actually that could be quite useful", said aunt Emily.
"Nothing like a good namecalling in the mystical planes. But
thank you, I think I don't miss you that much. I was kinda
hoping you guys would help us find out WHO caused it to begin
with."
"I don't know, sorry. And any rituals Occie could do to look
into it would require living plants, which of course would be
rather unpractical to get right now. But I can suggest you go
to London."
"Uh? Dad you fine?"
"I think, Blackbird", said Analysis, "he is trying to tell you
to search for the LOH."
"Yes, that what I mean. And bring the kid", said dad, pointing
to Analysis, "he's bright enough to help you with the clues.
And it sucks to play chess with him anyway. But don't let
anything too bad happen to him, you don't want to see his
family angered."
================================================================
Next issue: The Acraphobe of the past...
----------------------------------------------------------------
Emily and Luke Jones (the ex-Teens in Trenchcoats) are (C)
1999, 2000 by Ben Rawluk.
Occultism Kid is (C) 1994-2000 Josh Geurink.
Stephen Hawking, the guest star, is a real-life character and
therefore in public domain.
Teenfactor, although only mentioned en passant, is (C) 1995-2000
Tom Russel, Jr.
LOH, or the Legion of Occult Heroes, although only mentioned, is
(C) 1994, 1995 Paul Hardy (whatever happened to him?). More on
it next issue.
Analysis' family (you know who they are next issue) is (C)
1995-2000 Jennifer Whitson.
All other characters are my creations, based on those
characters and their stories.
[]s,
|alo
+----
--
Hack and Roll ( http://www.hackandroll.org )
News for, uh, whatever it is that we are.
http://www.webcom.com/lalo mailto:lalo@hackandroll.org
pgp key in the personal page
Brazil of Darkness (RPG) --- http://zope.gf.com.br/BroDar
